Hi Im Chastity

I have suffered with depression and anxiety all my life, although the last couple of years have been the worst. I feel so alone Which is what brought me here. I see a therapist weekly for an hour, but have been needing something more. No one really understands me and my pain. I go through periods of just wanting to die, just to feel at peace. Im tired of the thoughts everyday of everyone and everything I cant fix. Ive been married for 18 years and have 2 sons, 23 and 18. I also have 2 twin granddaughters..the lights of my life. I currently take Lexapro and Lamictal and Xanax when needed. My dr thinks this is the only combo that has really worked and probably will be the only one. I have been on lots of medications over the years. Thats a very small portion of me..ughh

[starcatcher]

Hi Doutity,

I'm just wondering, if "this has been your worst year ever, I go through periods of just wanting to die. My dr thinks this is the only combo that has really worked and probably will be the only one." How can your Dr say its working if your not getting any relief? I'm sorry that you are going such a difficult time.

[Hidden in reply to starcatcher]

Well yeah I would say this is the worst. Each year it feels more painful. The medicine has helped some of the things I struggle with, just not everything. He thinks I need intense therapy to help me work through things. I know in my heart..Im unfixable. Really..its been all my life of trying to fix me and nothing works

[starcatcher in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you can find what works for you. I have been depressed for some time, but now it's gotten to the point where I know I need medical attention. I hope that you find a happy medium. Shoot me too.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Doutity, there was a time I needed intense therapy and I choose in patient hospitalization. I needed the time to work on myself. What better place then where I

was surrounded by 24 care. One on one therapy as well as group therapy allowed me

to understand better what I could and couldn't control in my life. I learned to accept the choices I had made. Even with intense therapy, I knew I had to find the answers for myself and put them into practice. No amount of medication or therapy could magically take away my emotional pain.

I didn't have a forum to turn to. Nor a support system. It was a very difficult struggle but I was determined to get my life back again. And I did. I will never go back to that

state again. I have the tools I need to go forward each day with a different outlook on life. Doutity, I am so happy you are with us. Together with the group we can help you find your way again and not feel so despondent. Giving yourself some "me time" is so

all important. We all need that escape every day. A time to collect our thoughts and to feel peace and calm. One step at a time. It took time to get where you're at and will take time to get where you want to be. Never give up. Keep going forward. A rainbow of hope is waiting for you as it was for me. Hugs, xx

[Hidden in reply to starcatcher]

For some people the medicine can take you only so far. It’s a take what you can get situation. Medical science is still learning about the brain.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yep and its who and what you have around you

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Exactly. Medicine is only one tool when treating depression. Welcome to the community.

youtu.be/HSJ8tvdM-FM(Not working as expected?)

We need someone to invent this one.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

So true Doutity.

[AGWolf59]

Hi Chastity, New here too. I can relate a lot to your post. I've been on one cocktail of drugs (Lamictal/Effexor/Trazodone/Seroquel) for years now. At one point, it helped a lot, but as with my disease (bipolar I), things fluctuate. One drug combo isn't the only one. Your doc needs to think out of the box. I need to find a better combination too. I hope that being here helps, just sharing and knowing that you aren't alone. While everyone's different, I know people here will get me, more than those who've never suffered from depression.

[Agora1 in reply to AGWolf59]

I'm glad you're here AGWolf59. xx

[AGWolf59 in reply to Agora1]

(((HUGS))), it's good to be here Agora1. Thank you.

[Fishmonster]

Great morning and happy July fourth.

I feel your pain and can relate to a lot of your story.

It is very tough what your going through and very hard but it sounds like your still pushing forward making the best of what you can and it’s very impressive. Keep going

I’m so happy to hear that you have two grandchildren that you cherish so much. I know how hard it can be to show love being depressed

No matter how dark it gets morning always comes

Hugs and support forever

Peace