Lost

[BreKo]

Today I had my first severe anxiety attack and I don’t know how to handle it.

I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for years but severe anxiety wasn’t a big issue until this last year. I’ve slowly felt anxiety creep into my life. I took slight notice of its progression but didn’t really understand how much of a toll it would take on me.

I went to a restaurant on my lunch break and it just hit me. I was by myself and while I was eating I just felt so overwhelmed and started to feel confused. And then I felt myself nodding out. I immediately texted a coworker to come pick me up and I barely remember anything in the following minutes.

When I got back to work my boss suggested I take a minute and try working again instead of going home. He means well, his family struggles with anxiety so he’s familiar with it and I assume he thinks it’s best to work through it instead of what he views it as ignoring it. I went back to work and while I was on the phone with a client it hit me again. Halfway through my sentence I suddenly felt paralyzed with anxiety. A colleague stepped in to assist my client and I left.

I hate talking about my mental health. It’s crippling just thinking about talking about my mental health. I’ve struggled since I was 16 and this is the most I’ve really talked about it in these last 8 years. When I was younger I ignored it and thought I was just a sad, angsty teen. It took a long time for me to understand that I wasn’t just sad, it took even longer to accept it was part of who I am, and it took me up until today to realize I can’t keep wishing it’ll go away and that I need to do something about it.

I will admit that I’ve made huge progress in some areas and I’ve found ways to help with my depression. But now I’m struggling with anxiety and how to maintain it. I want to avoid seeing a therapist but I’m starting to realize it’s my best option. If anyone has any feedback what so ever I welcome it with open arms!

[Hidden]

Hello

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time.

Maybe seeing a therapist would help guide you through this anxiety, would it not be worth even trying it out?

Do you do much in your spare time, things that keep you busy?

I can see your bosses point about working on as it might have taken your mind off the bad feelings, but maybe that approach doesn't work for everyone.

Keep posting on here and you might get some good advice and maybe even make some friends whom are going through the same thing a you are.

[BreKo in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate the reply.

I’m afraid to go to therapy because I fear my therapist will think I’m worse than I am. I have days where I don’t want to be alive but it’s not that I want to kill myself and what therapist is going to trust that! I don’t want to tip toe around my feelings but I don’t want to be honest and get myself admitted somewhere.

As far as being busy I work a 9-5 and then I hang out with my little siblings until they go to bed around 8 and that’s basically it. Sometimes I go out but everyone around me that are in their 20’s as well are superficial and pretty much lack any sort of depth so I typically just lay in bed. Which is what surprises me about feeling overwhelmed because my life is nothing near overwhelming.

[Hidden in reply to BreKo]

A therapist will more than likely have worked with people like you before, it's what they do.. go see one!

Lying in bed can't be good for the mind, you don't stimulate it much if your not giving yourself something to think about.. you need to get your brain active so that it's not stuck in the same way day after day.. can't you think of anything you could do in your spare time, even on your on?

[Agronseth09]

Don’t be afraid of therapy! Panic attacks are tough but the survival rate is 100% you will make it through everyone of them. You may feel like it will never end but it always does! Hang in there and you are not alone.

[Hidden]

What preceded the first panic attack? You were in the restaurant. Did you do something that made you feel embarrassed?