Anxiety and Depression Support
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New here: And about at my wits end!

My husband has been dealing with depression for probably his whole life. His whole family is on meds for it. Because he doesn't want to get "hooked" on a bunch of drugs, sometimes he doesn't take all that he is prescribed or the correct doses. He is very sad, cries, and sleeps 15-16 hours a day. He has gotten help in the past but has not followed through with anything. He is not violent or abusive. However, he's barely functioning at all. Nothing ever changes, nothing ever gets better for long. Had a serious talk with him yesterday, again. He stated that he hears me, again. He says he knows he has to "get his act together." I'm having grave doubts that this will ever happen. I feel like I'm dragging a chain through thick molasses every day, and I'm really scared now.

Should I step in and make a decision about his care? In-patient hospital? He says he isn't in crisis. He has seen numerous therapists, but he won't do the work, so therapy doesn't help much. What do I do now? I'm at my wits end!

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Hi sorry you are in this situation and it can't be easy for you. The thing is you can lead a horse to water etc. but if he refuses to help himself there is not much you can do. Meds are designed to help him as is therapy but if he won't accept medical help there is only the self help route left. Look up mindfulness, yoga, and meditation. Good luck. x

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Thank you hypercat54 for the kind words.

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Hi brisaman, by all means you need to step into your husband's life and make some decisions for him with the help of his doctors. He sounds like he is not only in a deep depression but incapable of making wise decisions regarding his medication. Missing prescribed meds does more harm than good. He might not be violent or abusive but who knows what is going on in his mind right now that may push him to the edge of self harm. This is not to frighten you but to help both of you by getting him the care that he needs right now.

You are right in that he may never get his act together without the help of professionals who will guide him each step of the way. As for in-patient care, don't wait until there is a crisis, it may then be too late. In-patient hospitalization is a way to give a patient 24/7 on hands care by professional nurses, therapists and doctors. Something a lay person can't do. Right now, you are throwing a life line to someone who doesn't want to reach for it.

Continue coming back here in support for yourself. It's important that you are surrounded by people who can comfort, understand and care about you. My best brisaman. You are not alone in this. We support you. xx

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yes....for his own benefit....he seems unable to make the choice for himself. I personally think in care would help him at this point it sounds like you have exhausted all other avenues. At least it would be out of your hands....and he would have round the clock care.

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Ohh dear, this seems like hard work for you. A very difficult situation to be in. If he won't continue with medication maybe, you will have no real choice. but, to hospitalize him as an in-patient. At least he would (hopefully) get the help and therepy he needs. I would only consider this as a last resort, but, it seems you have tried everything else. Best of luck 😊🌻✌️

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The simple fact is that unless he is considered a danger to himself or others he is unlikely to be hospitalised these days and your only option would be to persuade doctors to section him if he refuses to go in. On what grounds would you get him sectioned? As a voluntary patient he could leave any time and on current form that is exactly what he would do. x

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Yes, hypercat, I believe that t

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True. 😊👍

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I think it may depend on what country or even county you are in if you are in the UK. The only stories I have heard of "inpatient facilities" in the Uk have been horrendous but they are limited experiences and stories I have heard. However as hypercat said it is extremely difficult if you are in the Uk to get anyone or even yourself admitted into a psychiatric hospital as there is a massive bed shortage and normally only the very worst psychotic patients will be hospitalised.

I can understand how frustrating it must be for you living with him and I wonder how you manage financially if he is asleep 15 hours a day???? By all means raise with any health professionals he sees. My own experience of them in the UK in the West Midlands anyway is that they are underesourced and underfunded and though there are some people who obviously do care and try and help they are so limited by what they are allowed to do and all the constant changing of staff members so you never see anyone consistently be that even for a few weeks.

I had three different care co-ordinators within the space of 4 months and now have been told bluntly that there just isn't one available to me despite the fact that I am seriously not coping at home at all and also the S word which i will not mention on here. Have been fighting that for months now. They are trying me on new meds but I've had to push for it and anyway have my doubts but anything is worth a try. Best of luck to you. Let us know what happens.

I have no idea what it's like in the US but hear a lot about health insurance and basically how if you've got good money you get fair/good service and if you don't have money then you get poor/no service. Any US citizens care to share their experiences of this?

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I thank everyone for the wonderful support, advice, and suggestions.

At this time, my husband doesn't fit the profile of someone in a hospital. At least what I know of about that in our area. He may go to therapy again, (he's not unreasonable in that way), but he has never followed up on past care. He tries, but he gives up quickly. He feels much shame about being sad, doesn't want to be "the kind of person who needs therapy," so, he denies or makes excuses.

We're also caring for his elderly parents. Their needs are becoming more complex and difficult. They both are seriously depressed, physically impaired, and his mother is now exhibiting memory problems. They both flatly refuse to go to an elderly care home. They live in a condo, isolated from friends, and need a lot of help to maintain themselves and their home. They have plenty of money, but they expect "their family" to care for them, and they want to stay in their home until they die. So far, they don't allow home care professionals into the house. The burden is on us, as we live the closest. This causes a lot of stress for my husband - well, for both of us actually. This situation is not helping us at all.

We've talked a lot recently. He's told me that he is now taking the meds as he should. I will be monitoring closely. He's said that he's more aware of the frustration I'm feeling, but I know the "good day" we had yesterday will be followed by a downturn once again. We're retired and have a decent pension and healthcare, so we're in a better place than most regarding our personal financial position.

Sorry for the long post. Needed to vent I suppose.

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