New here - Seeking support as the spouse of someone suffering from Anxiety and/or Depression.

[SewKnitRead]

My husband has always had anxiety/depression. He has done lots of therapy and taken medication for both. Over the last 5 years or so he has slowly decreased his meds and has been anti-depressant free for a year or more. He mostly deals with anxiety at this point. He has meds for "as needed" basis and tries not to take them. He has good days and bad. The good days are great. The bad days are awful. I am really struggling being supportive and not being just fed up. He is not able to isolate the cause of the anxiety. He doesn't want to ever talk about it. Usually if i can find the source myself and sort of force the topic to defuse it - it helps. But he NEVER wants to try this technique himself. He prefers to stay silent and act like nothing is wrong when it's written all over his face and he's unable to deal with anything. We have to children. They don't understand either. I'm constantly stressed out (when he's having a bad day) and trying not to cry myself as my spouse is completely checked out and I'm on my own to handle the day to day tasks. I'm really unhappy when he's unhappy and I can't for the life of me find a way to not let his moods affect me. I would love to hear what you do, what's worked for you, tips and tricks for the spouse.

[Agora1]

Hi SewKnitRead, thank you for your post So many times we tend to forget about

the partners who put up with our mental health issues. It can't be easy.

There is an excellent short video on YouTube that I think will put you on the right

track and then we can talk about it on the forum.

It's called "8 tips for Supporting a partner with Anxiety" I hope it helps some xx

[Anselm]

Would he be willing to try therapy?

[SewKnitRead in reply to Anselm]

He is in therapy. He had to start over with a new person as he changed insurance. Which gives him anxiety to start over.. so it’s been a process :/

[Audiomarc1]

Go online and type in NAMI. Go.

[SheWrote]

Hi There. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I am hopeful that things have gotten better since your post? The one thing I can tell you as someone who suffered from depression and anxiety, until they are ready to deal with it, you cannot force them. It is something that has to be attacked by the individual. The family/spouse can support, but the individual has to dig in and do the work. I know that might sound like a cop out, but it is true. Try to move on with your life and separate yourself, emotionally, from him. It can be done. Often that is what will help the other person begin to see the light. Praying for a crazy breakthrough and change for the better in your home!

[Tf05]

I need suggestions too. I feel like I’m drowning in my husbands depression and anxiety. I’m the one who has to stand strong and keep it all together. It’s tough and I feel like I don’t have anyone to reach out to who understands.

[lilymenna in reply to Tf05]

I'm here with you. I can understand you because we're in the same position. It's very tough and helpless sometimes not knowing what exactly to do. Being blamed for not being able to understand him. But have to be strong at all time. I do understand you. You're not alone in this. This is why we're here. To get support also in order to support our loved ones 💜

[lilymenna]

I can understand you. Me in the same position also, a wife to an Anxiety and Depression fighter. At times I felt so helpless and hopeless not knowing what to do to make him feel better. My husband tends to be very easily angered, irritated and annoyed. Even smallest thing can trigger his Anxiety and Depression. Our daily life is tough. It disturbs our marriage, our daily routines and our work.

In my case, my husband told me never leave him alone when he is anxious or depressed. He might yell or throw tantrum but just stay with him. Don't try to fix. Just listen. Or just be there.

Everyone is different. You have to be super patient in learning to understand him. Try not to take his words and actions personally. He might say harsh words and act negatively, but you have to remember it is not him who says and acts that way. It's his illness. He cannot control. So try your best to be patient and understanding.

If you feel like you've done so many things or you no longer feel like yourself, you might want to consider meeting a counselor or anyone you trust to talk your heart out.

You can do this okay! ☺️