Severe depression at 22...I'M NEW HERE

[blackandbluee]

Hello.I am going through such a hard time,even tho i always considered myself to be strong. I need help! i'VE LOST INTEREST ON EVERYTHING,I DON'T EAT'I BARELY SLEEP,i smoke too much cigaretes till i get to the point that i feel like vomiting,but surely nothing comes out cause i don't eat. I'm getting very underweight,i can even see my bones. My days start with me trying to hold my tears so no member of my family sees me. 2 hours of sleep,that's my max. My mind just keeps thinking negatively all day and night. I am lonely and i don't have any friends to talk to about this,in the surface i look okaybut inside i am dying. There are days where i literally pray for someone to kill me so it can end my pain. My ex cheated but i thought i was ok even after the break up, shortly after my boss fired me in front of everyone,after this i found out that something i've invested in to help my possibilities of growing financialy it's not at all possible,then i gave 3 interviws but no one called to give an answer,after this i find out that my ex started to live with the girl he cheated with,so it all became a big downward spiral. Basically,my funds are 0,so i can't really go out, yes i can walk but that makes me think alot more of the bad things. I stay all day in bed,all day and all night,cause there's nothing for me to do. I've truly lost all my self esteem and i feel hopeless. Is there someone that's going through the same or is it just me and myself?

[EleanorRose]

Hi blackandbluee,

I’m glad you’ve found the forum; you are not alone here.

Sounds like a lot of really difficult things have happened all at once. Even the strongest of people struggle at times and there is no shame in it.

Do you think you could tell someone in your family how you’re feeling? I know you say you try to hide it from them - I do get it, I’ve been there, as have a lot of others. We try and hide things for all sorts of reasons but more often than not talking to those closest to us does help. It may be difficult at first; the first conversation will be tough but I am sure they wouldn’t want you to struggle with this alone.

Trying to take care of yourself physically is likely to also have a positive effect on you mentally. Maybe set yourself a small and achievable goal for the day - eating something healthy, smoking 1 less cigarette, going for a 5 minute walk.

Have you considered speaking to a doctor about this?

You have done the right thing in speaking out and taking this first step. That takes a lot of courage. It’s tough but you will get through this and things will get better.

Take care of yourself.

Eleanor

[Hidden]

Wow, this is very rough and I am very sorry this all happened. Job changes and relationship changes, especially combined, can throttle our perspectives of everyday life. A therapist's first questions are usually whether something has changed in one or many ways with these things. How you're responding is normal, it is okay to be sad and depressed. I do like that you're taking steps to fix some of those things, but I would say it's time to see a professional. Sleep is such an important aspect of mental health. Eating and diet, again, very vital. It's time to work on this because, no, you are absolutely not alone. Many on here and many others go through this but it will be vastly better with some tools and people on your side. It's time to hit the safety net and move forward....forming some friendly relationships, getting back on your feet financially, and getting back to living. How you feel....not one person would blame you. Those are some pretty rough things you experienced and are dealing with. You do not have to go through it alone. I would also, my opinion only (not medical advice), see your GP or doctor soon. You may find there are some medications or medical advice that will help you now or very soon.

It sounds like your life sort of came apart and you're unsure of how to live it again with the changes. Stay here for the support, but make some calls and attend some appointments so you can begin to live again. When you feel better, you will know when you are ready to get back out there in terms of all things: making friends, a job, or even entering a relationship. It's important to know that where you are at does not have to be what life is tomorrow and infinity. It is time to reach out for some help because there are hands openly available to help you back up. Once you adjust your footing....all things become possible again. I am truly wishing you the best, want you to know that you are not alone in this, and sending positive vibes your way. You can and will get better....and the support here will ALWAYS be here. I'd say make an appointment and take a small step forward...please let us know how everything goes and if we can help in anyway. Take care for now and know you are never alone with what you're coping with.

[Tramaes19]

I understand where you’re coming from. My situation was different but somewhat similar.

I remember when I got separated from my ex-husband, I couldn’t sleep, I would have panic attacks and I lost 20 lbs. in a month. The thought of him not being with me, hurt me immensely, I didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I became friends with a co-worker that loves God. I started going to church on Wednesday’s and Sundays. At work, I would want to cry and sometimes, I couldn’t do my job well, I would call my friend and she would pray with me, sometimes she would meet me somewhere at work(we worked at a hospital). She would pray for me. But at night, it was so hard not to feel bad, I couldn’t call her then. I didn’t take any medicine, I wanted to do it in my own. I remember buying book —-from church-about letting him go. I read it and it really helped. I then found another friend that was going through the same thing—-we helped each other through this difficult time. I could call my friend at any time 24/7–my friend call me too 24/7. We were there for each other!! I think that is very important that you have someone to talk you about your feelings—-sometimes on a daily basis. See if there’s someone that you know that would be willing to listen to you. You need to get your thoughts and feelings come out. I felt better after a few months....you will too, it just takes time.

Good luck finding a job.

Remember things look better in the morning.

Hopefully, you will feel better. Let me know how you’re feeling ok?

Thank you for sharing your story.

[Michdau1]

I can relate and you're not alone XXX I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. It really does sound tough. Holding back your tears and acting like everything is ok is likely part of what is exhausting you. Putting on a brave face is suitable sometimes, but in this instance, I think you need to talk to someone about how you're feeling and acknowledge why. It's such a weight off speaking about things. You may even get a good night's sleep ❤️ you have value and are important xxx

[Mary-intussuception]

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