Advice on Dealing with Spouse Family --Addiction issues

[Ramon123]

My husband's twin brother just died of alcoholism. He and my husband were estranged throughout their lives because the brother abused him (lies/manipulation/theft/physical cruelty, etc) for most of their childhood and early adulthood. So he's dealing with the loss of his twin on top of the damage from the abuse. His parents and older sister ignored all of it and brushed it under the rug. Parents ignored it happening under their roof. Mom had her head in the sand their whole life. It's the most painful thing I've ever witnessed when someone you love gets hurt over and over by his own family. He has now been out of town for eight days dealing with his brother's belongings/job/insurance wrap up and driving his mom and sister (who enabled the abuse) around the whole time to the hospital/paperwork/visiting his brothers friends. This whole thing is making me physically ill with anxiety and the fact that someone I love is being so hurt by his own family, and always has been. His twin brother died, and still no one is thinking about HIM in any of this. His mom loves him but she's just incapable of looking at reality. I think his sister could care less. I want nothing to do with the family, but he doesn't see it from my perspective because he has always known the dysfunction. I'm not sure what the best course forward is to deal with this...I know I never want to see his family again at this point, but it's hard because how do you do that without adding more problems to the mix?

[ginger01]

TOTALLY understand! This is the man you love, who has been neglected and still totally unappreciated! We cannot choose our family, but he did choose you💝💝 Your job is not to make sense of a nonsense family, but to love him twice as much for being a wonderful man

[Ramon123 in reply to ginger01]

Thank you Ginger! You are totally right - I appreciate your response.

[Ladybug9]

You are in a hard place and I"m really sorry. Would he be willing to go to an addiction therapist to help him understand about what he is going through as well as why his family is in such denial? I can relate a lot as I was raised by alcoholics.

[Ramon123 in reply to Ladybug9]

Thank you Ladybug - I think he would. This was the unfortunate bottom that now everyone is facing. And because it was his twin, their lives were sort of steeped in estrangement and abuse (from the twin to him) because of his addictions and lashing out at my husband who was the one who did well in school and just played by the rules in general. My husband loved him so much and wished they had a relationship and this was on the one hand a shock, but on the other - not shocking at all. I think he will need to go to an addiction specialist as well as counseling in general to get through this. I really appreciate your response.

[Ladybug9 in reply to Ramon123]

Please let me know how everything goes? Sending you both prayers and wishes for the very very best!!