am I too broken to date?

[Blue-eyed-bee]

last year, I got into my first serious relationship - then my mental health went to hell. The Week we began dating, I started getting visual hallucinations before going to sleep, they came with extreme feelings of anxiety and an inability to sleep properly. The Doc and psyche agreed that they were caused by exhaustion.

Then I started getting depressed, had to quit a teaching prac halfway through, and still, my boyfriend wanted to stay with me. But eventually, he realized that our relationship was making my anxiety worse, and we broke up a few months ago.

We have breakfast together every week, but limit our time to that.

I was recently advised by my lecturer, pastor, friends and doctor that I needed to quit uni, and that I couldn't work either.

I've already lost so much because of this illness - I just feel like saying, screw it, I'm going to date.

But, I also feel that I would only be dragging some poor guy into a really dark world where I can't do anything, and where i constantly deal with pain and suicidal thoughts. I wanted to quit the relationship until I got better - and he'd hoped to begin the relationship again, but it seems like I won't get better for a long time. And even then, this might be a lifelong condition. So there It is; can I possibly ask him into this world of mine?

[jkl5500]

To answer your question, in my opinion, the only way you could is to be completely open and honest with him about your condition, and then let him decide. He must know already that you're quite ill if you had to drop out of school, but I think he deserves to know all the details if he's going to make a commitment.

I don't mean that you have to tell him every "crazy" thought or feeling you ever had; I mean that he should know what the symptoms are for your illness. If it were the other way around, I'm sure you would like to know these things, so you'd know what you're dealing with.

That is my unprofessional opinion.

[Blue-eyed-bee in reply to jkl5500]

thanks man. He already knows a majority of it I just feel like he could do a lot better than me, and if I really cared about him, or any potential significant other, the best thing i could do for them is not make them deal with me. but I guess everyone will take baggage to a relationship, and it's his choice if he wants to go through this with me or not.

[jkl5500 in reply to Blue-eyed-bee]

From what you've written, it sounds like he still cares about you, "warts and all" so to speak. So, if you're completely honest about this subject with him, who knows? Maybe you have a gem who's willing to deal with it.

[GemBec]

Hi, I understand what you are having trouble with because I felt the same way about dating. I was in a long-term relationship of 14 years where the person I was with was aware of my anxiety and OCD but as I got older and life became more stressful so did my "issues." This relationship ended and I stopped dating for 2 years. Once I started meeting people again I knew it would be hard. They wanted me to go out late at night. I have a bedtime routine "yes" I sounds odd. I like to be in my own home, do all of my OCD checks, do my hygiene routine etc. When I was out past a certain time I started to have panic attacks because I felt like I was not going to be able to do my nightly routine. There were other things as well this is just one example. I also could not spend the night at the other person's home which caused a BIG problem.

Eventually, I met a man and on our first date I said screw it and explained myself along with all my "ticks" as I refer to them as and described my anxiety. He was not willing to run away so long story short we have been together for almost 6 years. I have grown to be able to sleep at his house (often with the help of a xanax) and he is very accommodating. If there is a time I am having a very hard time we just stay at our own homes and see each other another time. So my point of this long reply is don't give up, be honest and do what's best for you.

[HearYou]

You need to answer your own question, I think. Don't know your diagnosis. Have you stopped school? The list of the important people in your life say you can't work or handle school. If you are in the US, has anyone advised you whether or not you may be eligible for SSD? Why do you think your situation will be a long term, uncontrollable condition?

I have several serious issues that ride along with me; I sought the best help I could to teach me how to manage them. One day may be ok, the next not so good. Did not date for quite awhile as needed to focus on my mental health, getting back to work and knowing I was independent enough to not need a significant other as a crutch.

When got to the point I met someone I was interested in I explained my "whole package." Been together 12 years. He doesn't understand it, but he says he simply learned to accept it. Best wishes to you; you may still need more time to learn how to deal with your "whole package" before some else can "accept it".