Am I alone?

[megalae]

I’m in a relationship with someone who has severe anxiety. When I say severe anxiety I mean debilitating at times. I’m not unfamiliar with anxiety as I have it as well. I spent a year in therapy, before I met my boyfriend, cooing and dealing with my own anxiety. So, now I don’t struggle much although I do still have my days.

My boyfriend self-medicates. He drinks...a lot. He’s not abusive or mean by any means. But I worry about his health and what it’s doing to his body. He’s aware that he drinks too much. He’s got a lot of work stress.

My own struggle with his struggle is that it’s lonely. We live an hour apart right now and the distance plays a role in his lack of motivation to see each other. I do work up where he lives but I also have 2 kids. Work, especially right now, has him so locked up that sometimes it’s hard to get any communication out of him. He’s started a new anxiety medicine this week. I’m not sure what it is. He’s struggling. I’m struggling. I just want to see this through and us to work out.

[Agora1]

megalae, let me congratulate you on having taken the right step in getting your anxiety

under control. I'm glad that you have found yourself in a better place.

As for your boyfriend, self medicating with alcohol is not working as you can see. You may

be able to support him but you can't change him. Each of us must make the decision in what

is best for us. You say he will be starting anxiety medication this week. I hope he won't be

drinking while taking this medication. The consequences can be dire. You can only advise

him of your concerns. Don't allow his journey to take you off the path you are now on.

If not for you, do this for your children. They need you. xx

[megalae in reply to Agora1]

Thanks Agora1!

I really took control of my anxiety this last year and I’m really proud of that.

The fact that he and I crossed paths is ironic to me. He’s where I was a year ago. I’ve expressed concerns of course but I also know there’s only so much I can do.

I won’t let this knock me off my own path. My children need their mom.

I just so badly want to help him. It’s painful to watch.

[Agora1 in reply to megalae]

Do what you can megalae for him, you will know when you

might have to back off for a while. I wish you both good luck.

You've accomplished a lot in one year's time. With you behind

him, maybe he will do the same. I'm proud of you megalae xx

[Junella in reply to megalae]

You are a compassionate person and have been through this yourself. But your family comes first--they need you. He is taking time from them. Can you counsel him by phone? Let him know he is valued and can make it. Does he have a therapist? Keep yourself well.

[megalae in reply to Junella]

I understand what you’re saying. My kids do need me. I’m trying to be support for him in any way that I can. I have made some adjustments. I used to literally take time away from my kids to be there, I don’t do that anymore. It took a toll on my own struggle with anxiety and now I do what I can and know that’s enough. If we don’t make it through as a couple, then so be it.

He has a psychiatrist that prescribes, prescribes, prescribes but no tsk therapy.

[Hidden]

Wow, a double whammy. Medications shouldn't be used with alcohol! It can be fatal. It sounds like he needs help with it, but he's probably views it as a weakness and is scared. Drinking makes situation worse, but temporarily numbs his dealing with reality.

Bless you both. He needs to really think about his health, you and your kids. He has to hit rock bottom to change. I know this. My dad was so bad till he almost died in ER. This was his wake-up call.

Additionally, alcohol causes cancers later in life. I thought I would share.

You can't change him, so don't try. You may have to give ultimatum if you want relationship to be healthy.

Good luck

🐎 addict

[Jeff1943]

Alcohol has been used for centuries to counter anxiety going back to the days when there were no meds of any kind. But far from ideal as it leads to overconsumption and addiction.

I've never hear of anyone being killed by drinking alcohol with prescribed amounts of meds. I've drunk normally with diazepam, amitriptyline, antibiotics, blood pressure tablets etc etc for 40 years and never had a reaction.

[Junella in reply to Jeff1943]

You may have escaped, but it is well-known that this is a deadly combination. I'm afraid you may find out in the long run, but please don't influence others.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Junella]

I just looked up the instructions that come with each pack of Amitriptyline. They say it's fine to drink alcohol with it but just be a little careful because it can make you slightly sleepy.

"You can drink alcohol while taking amitriptyline but it may make you feel sleepy" - nhs.uk > medications > amitriptyline (This is the U.K. Government National Health Service advice.)

No mention of it being a well known deadly combination. No mention of it being a lucky escape if the combination doesn't kill you.

Why deny people a little pleasure in life with misinformation?

As for "I may find out in the long run" well I'm nearly 80.

So I say to anyone on these meds, take the advice of the approved leaflet and have an alcoholic drink within normal sensible limits if you want to.

[megalae in reply to Jeff1943]

Thanks Jeff1943 for your comment! I will say that he doesn’t drink within normal/sensible limits. He drinks to be drunk and, unfortunately, at this phase it takes a lot of alcohol to get there. I believe that’s what Horseaddict was referring to as a readily combination.

I do appreciate a drink to relax myself. However, I fear his drinking is becoming or has become a serious problem.

[Joy94]

Hello dear. My boyfriend and I have been through serious mental break downs. His was before we met and mine was before I met him and another during the relationship. We learned tht in the most serious of times, true loves rise to the occasion for each other. No, you both will not always be perfect, forgive each other for it as much as you can. I seriously wouldnt reccomend that he doesn't drink becuase that will only make true anxiety worse. People who self medicate by putting a bandaid on it are a mental break down and unhealthy characteristics waiting to happen. No judgement, I am just speaking from my own experiences. Let love be the driving force and embrace any and all good times you have together. You are certainly not alone.

[megalae]

Well, that conversation went down like a ton of bricks. I’m feeling pretty defeated at this point. May have to just let him go and hope for the best for him.