when I say I can’t take this anymore I really mean it I don’t want to die but like I cannot handle any of this stress anymore it’s been 7 months and just keeps getting worse I’m paralyzed by it my body keeps doing weird things still anxiety rescue meds really don’t work anymore my chest hurts all around and it’s painful sometimes my moms first chemo treatment was going well the first two days after then bam she got very sick had to call 911 for her on Thursday she’s still in the hospital idk when she’s going to be out all I want to do is sleep I can’t function my body is so exhausted I feel sick my heart does funny things heck first time in a long time I felt it quiver and felt like I couldn’t breath for a second my doctor finally referred me to a cardiologist because I guess he got tired of me not believing that my heart was okay and I wants them to better answer my questions he did tell me there’s mild stress on my heart but he doesn’t believe that there’s been any significant damage so does that mean that there is damage to my heart so now just waiting for the cardiologist people to call to schedule me an appointment. I also am now getting this feeling where my body feels very light and feels like I’m floating it’s so strange and weird. I really only want to sleep anymore because that’s my only escape I have no safe space people just keep yelling at me that it’s stress and anxiety and just basically get over it and I’m insane for wanting to go to the hospital for when my chest hurts. Most of you on here really don’t get how severe this is for me I can barely function idk what else to do I’m literally deteriorating away maybe this is the end of me I can feel the wave of this moving up and down I’m tired of the feeling of omg you’re gonna pass out right now. Dammit I want to be normal and stop suffering I can’t handle my moms shit anymore to much of my life she’s always treated me like an adult before I even was an adult and treats me like a spouse is frustrating and the stress just keeps rolling and rolling I have no hope anymore my girlfriend is fed up with me being like this I have no hope and this is probably going to kill me because my mom just keeps telling me that oh you’re gonna cause yourself to have a stroke and heart attack I can’t do this shit when I say this is traumatic for me it really is ever since it started 7 and a half months ago I watched a vast world go to nothing dammit dammit dammit why I want to be better
I am so stressed: when I say I can’t... - Anxiety and Depre...
I am so stressed
Oh Adamj I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I was thinking of you - I had not seen any posts from you in a while and have been wondering how you are doing. I am sending prayers for healing for you and your Mother. 🙏🙏🙏
I think you are amazing and I’m so sorry you have suffered for so long 😞 You never give up though you are always pushing through…you are going through a lot I’m so sorry about your struggles and of your moms struggles. I’m going to do a prayer with meditation for you right now…
thank you starrlight
positive vibes ((((((((((((((((((
Hey Adam. It sounds like a rough time. How long has your mom been fighting cancer? Do you have any siblings who can help you out? You are so young to be having chest pains. Do you have any anti anxiety meds?
she had breast cancer in 2017 they said they removed it all but come to find out the didn’t so then they chopped it off and just started chemo and I have no one but myself
Take some deep breaths!!! You are overthinking everything. You’re panicking and making yourself sick. Take one day at a time. I know you’re very worried about your Mom and I can understand why. Take one day at a time. You need to try to calm down. Try some meditation. Zone out and listen to some classical or calming music. Try to relax.
It is very good that you are finally going to see a cardiologist. Before you go make a list of all of the things you want to talk about and all of your questions. Many may disagree with me, but I don't think you have had a full enough medical assessment to completely rule out a physical cause of your distress. x
do you know what it could be or any thoughts?
I am not a doctor, but I do know that there are other heart tests. For example there is a Holter monitor test. It is like a long ecg. You wear it for 24 or more hours and then it is ananyzed. There is also a stress test and an echocardiogram. There are others as well. These types of tests are ordered/performed by a cardiologist. I think you need to determine absolutely that there is no physical problem so that you can move on. I have recommended that these tests be performed at a major medical center and I still think that is the correct approach. I don't know where you live, but there are major centers in Boston, New York City, Chicago, and on the West Coast. You might also consider seeing an endocrinologist. I think the most important thing though is tio start off with a very good internist who can guide you and then proceed to the cardiologist, endocrinologist, etc. This should all be done methodically so that you end up with a good answer. Quick trips to the emergency room may not be the best approach. If you know for sure that everything is OK then you can concentrate on your mental health.
Hi Adam
It's good to see you back posting. Getting your feelings in writing and getting support is important.
One thing that really speaks to me is what you wrote about your mom. The role you are placed in is way too much for a young person to carry. Her dependence on you as more of a caretaker takes away from you growing as an individual.
Watching her go through this cancer again has to be so hard. You can love and support her as a son. Does she have adults in her life that she can rely on for more emotional support?
I believe you and I recognize your feelings are real. Fear leads to more fear. It's the nature of the beast.
We are here for you.
🐬
thank you idk for some reason she always just wanted to throw everything onto me growing up and still does all stress everything I’m not saying she’s a terrible mother I’d never say that because we were never homeless I just don’t get why I have/had to be the one who had to grow up fast
I'm not saying she's a terrible mother either. I would never say that.
There is quite a bit of information written about this situation. Why it happens and what the outcomes on our life can be. It's deep stuff and I just wanted to point that out
oh I know I never thought you meant it badly I just don’t know how to get myself out of this situation yes I know I’m 22 and should be an adult well technically I am an adult but I’ve been an adult way longer than 4 years well adult responsibilities if I find somewhere to move and try and focus on myself I’ll be told I’m abandoning her and then I’d be even worrying about her because then it would be my fault she always tells me “she needs me” and then I say that’s not helpful mom I want to grow but I feel like I’m on a leash that just keeps being yanked back and then the beginning of this year all my stress and everything just broke I know deep down inside that if I ever left a job and went to long without working that it would make my mental shit flare up but I never ever thought it would be this bad I guess it just all compounds together and eventually there’s no stopping it
I know you understood where I was coming from. I just didn't want anyone else to misinterpret what I said.
Correct, you are an adult. But you are an adult that had to grow into the roll too fast. It had its good points, maturity. However if you research it there are many issues that come with it.
Talking to your therapist about this may give you better insight. He should have some suggestions as to how you can be there and support your mom but not add overwhelming stress to your own health issues
I believe there's codependency going on in your family. Good book is "Codependent No More." You're not crazy, sounds like a lot of repressed feelings coming out, which is actually good. Its a family disease, passed on from parents to children. Healing can be a long and difficult emotional process but its a good thing.
Prayers up to you may you be wrapped in healing and protection, both you and your mom. Take some slow deep breaths in from your nose and exhale slow from your nose. Really helps slow the whole system and bring some calm in the thunderstorm.
Hi Adam
Forgive me if you have mentioned this somewhere…. Do you or can you talk to a therapist or friend? I truly believe you when you say you can not handle your stress anymore. Do you believe in and/or talk to God? I’m trying to help. I am hear to listen with no judgment.
Please rich out to a pshiatrist and check yourself in a hospital.
You will be taken care of and supervised by specialists.
There is no shame to go in a pshiatric hispital.
You need to take care of yourself even your mom is sick.
Im on a lot of anxiety meds, like Xanax, than propanolol, hydroxyzine, and many more..the only one that saved my life is the xanax.
Also i was prescribed ESCITALOPRAM.
If i feel that is not working I will check into a hospital.
I want to be safe.
Many people doesent u derstand us..we try do hard to survive this mental ilness...
Please take care !
I have prayed for u & ur mom. I wish i had answers for u, & could help u I feel i can relate to ur situation so much (except, thankfully, my mom hasn't had cancer, but i had to grow up fast & my mom has agoraphobia, & doesn't talk to anyone, so i always had to do everything for her). I think the part about ur doctor saying u have stress on ur heart, he just means from the worrying. I honestly don't think there's more to that statement, at least from what u told us. If u have never had heart problems & have all the tests come back normal, ur heart I'm sure is fine. I have done lots of research & talked to lots of doctors myself, because i have bad health anxiety also (which reading messages from ppl here about this issue can trigger, so i usually try not to read messages about this when I'm doing well). The heart is very resilient. I have found most things i thought were my heart were actually my stomach esophagus, lungs, chest lining (pleura), etc. A cardiologist appointment will hopefully help u to feel better. The problem with our anxiety is, we will still find a way to think the doctor missed something, if they tell us we're in good health. We have to convince our brains that we're not in danger to get back to normal. So, i hope u will take the advice to make a list of every question u want to ask the doctor, to help ur mind accept if he says if u are healthy. My doctor thought this would help me, but without insurance i can't afford it right now. So, u should be thankful u have this chance to take this step & get everything out of it that u can. Start thinking about what will happen if he says u are completely 100% Normal & well. U will probably attribute these sensations to something else at first, but eventually u will probably have a new symptom, & think u need to go back. U will have to come to terms with the fact that everything u are experiencing is as everyone here has mentioned, & a result of panic/anxiety, & convince urself that u aren't in danger. Thinking about how things would change in my life, or thinking of worst case scenarios, & following them to their logical conclusion helped (like, what if they DID find something wrong, i would get it treated & go back to living just as i did before this panic started. I would try to understand that not much would change in my life, & even comparing myself to others who have much worse issues helped. Like, "they can handle XYZ, but u can't even handle a panic attack? Are u really that much weaker mentally than everyone else with worse conditions? Buck up," is the type of thing I would think to myself). I have had many of the feelings u are mentioning, & i know they are all the result of panic/anxiety, because they have gone away once i was finally able to convince myself i was safe. Then, any time i have a panic attack, boom, they all come back. That's how u can eventually see that everything everyone is telling u is accurate. The DARE program can be useful. Look that up, if u haven't already.
What did u like to do prior to 7 months.ago when this started? U should try to think back to what u used to do when u were "normal" feeling. Also, if u don't pray, u should definitely try this. What's the worst that can happen if u try? What's the best? This wasn't an instant panacea, but i definitely saw results eventually, after praying om things, reading the Bible, & building a relationship with Christ. Something like this can help u. Meditation can, too, for some, but this didn't work because focus on breathing, or my heart made my anxiety worse. I think this cardiologist visit will help u, but just start preparing mentally for them to say u are healthy & normal. U have had these feelings for 7 months, & u are still here, so u may have to get to the point where u have to live with these feelings. Waiting for them to eventually pass, after all the tests came back normal, was all i could do. I trusted what everyone told me, eventually, & my brain started to believe/accept this, & i gradually saw that these feelings were present when i was looking inward, but i was fine when i wasn't focused on what was wrong with me (even the pain), once i stopped obsessing. U have to start focusing on things u liked before this started, or possibly new things, to get ur internal attention focused elsewhere. I know it sounds trivial, or like we don't understand what u are going through, but many of us have been through Similar situations. I never thought people around me understood how bad this was, when i was having my worst anxiety/panic attacks, but i finally realized there was nothing they could do, even if i did think they could understand. Everything u need to get over this is inside of u (if the doctors confirm there are no health problems), u will just have to let time pass. These feelings won't last forever. U need to find things to do to occupy ur mind. They haven't taken u out in 7 months, u are still here, & as more time passes, u will begin to understand, i think. I will continue to pray for u.
I know u can overcome this. I know it seems like what u are experiencing must be worse/different than what the people who are trying to comfort u have been through, but i honestly felt the same way & have started to overcome this, so i know it's possible for u. U have the same tools & ability the rest of us do, u just have to get to the point where u say, "maybe they're right," & trust what everyone is telling u. I woke up with a panic attack, but am finally getting sleepy again, & keep messing up what I'm saying, & probably repeating myself at this point, so I'm going to stop here, but i know u can overcome this, i know u can. Try prayer, & building a relationship with God, if u are open to something like this. I think it can benefit u, & will help u overcome these struggles at this point in ur life. If u had good memories from before 7 months ago, i know u can return to that mindset eventually, & u will convince urself that the only difference between then & now is the thoughts & sensations that this state of alarm by your mind is forcing upon u. A cardiologist visit will be a good step in that direction. If everything is ok with your heart (which i think it will be), gradually ur brain will be convinced that u are ok (not dying, because u will keep realizing "I'm still here" as time goes on), & will return to default mode, but it takes time. Best of luck, take care.
thank you for taking time to respond it does make sense It’s so frustrating when things just keep feeling weird
I don't want to be unkind about your Mom, but it sounds like she has been unfair to you. This is the time of your life you should be enjoying, since youth doesn't last forever.
As for her making sure you were never homeless, um, that's what a parent is supposed to do, take care of and protect their young.
I'm also wondering who would guilt you into believing you would "abandon" her. Is it other adults in your family who don't want to take on the responsiblity and are happy to have you do it?
Please take care of yourself first!
I don’t want to die I just feel like I’m dying
my mom is home today she looks so different and sounds so different why is this so traumatic to me
Adam, it is absolutely traumatic and out of the norm. That is one of the people you love the most and to see your mother going through it health-wise and you have health anxiety disorder. Double edged sword. Completely empathize with you and you are in my prayers. Have you ever checked out Dr Claire Weekes work? Has a lot of her stuff on audible books so you can just lay and listen. Something else I like is sitting outside once a day and doing a guided meditation from YouTube or audible, just close your eyes and listen to the guided breathing. Lifting you in prayer and spiritual energies of goodness.
My mom always said that the 3rd day after chemo was when she felt the worst.
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