Am I just being extra?

[AnIslandOfPeace]

Life is so hard.. so hard and weird. I've let my whole existence depend on one person, on one thing (my relationship). I've never felt this useless in a long time. This is all of me I put into my relationship and it's still not enough. My partner is loving, and caring.. I don't know what the problem is. Maybe I'm the problem, maybe I'm better off alone.. or even dead. I add value to no one. I just sleep and wake up everyday being useless. I wish I was more, I wish God would make me more. But what if.. what if I'm like this forever? What if I'll never be productive or make any good impact on the world? I am sad, I am scared.. I wish I knew better.

[RupertBrown]

I read your post and was saddened by your situation. Saddened because I've been there. Total loss of self. Basing our entire self-worth on what we do for a significant other seems like such a romantic notion. In practice, however, it is exhausting and leaves you feeling empty and disappointed. In my case it started turning into a martyr complex. "I must take on all the burden myself." "I deserve these feelings of desperation and being overwhelmed and never being enough, because I'm such a great partner." I still struggle with this a great deal. But I've realized that when I'm overwhelmed and checked out, then I'm not really present when my spouse actually needs me. It is a difficult thing, to try to "re-find" yourself. But you can, and you will. Start small, make time that's just for you to do whatever relaxes or eases you. Revisit an old hobby. Exercise. Share what you're doing here if you feel "silly" or awkward about it. We'll give you the encouragement and support to keep you moving in the right direction! Small steps over time do add up. In my opinion, mental health is very much about inertia. Like turning a giant sea ship, given enough time and space, a tiny tug boat can turn it around. I'm not religious, but God already made you more, and you have value. You just don't see it right now. You're stronger than you know. Sending strength and peace to you 💪❤

[AnIslandOfPeace in reply to RupertBrown]

I am going to end up doing something I will regret. I know this, I have been here before. I have tried for a long time and right now I am just tired. Why can't life be a bit easy. What am I even still doing here in this world? I feel really sick.. sick and sad.

[Salma2289]

Hello my dear friend, your words really touched me so deeply cause I have been there several times feeling useless. I am happy you have a loving and caring partner that i am sure he is like that cause you deserve that, of course it’s great to have many other things to care about and not to relay only on one person or one thing. It’s health to make the balance in your life. It’s also great to do something useful in our journey in this life but my dear your value is in you not in what you do or what you have. Someone once told me that we are like the golden spoon it’s value is just in it whether someone use it or just put it like that. You are doing a great thing that you want to be better, live better and be better, you are hear dear that means you are unstoppable in the journey. Enjoy your journey and always remember you are the value. You are complete.Send you all my love and i am sure you gonna find the peace

[AnIslandOfPeace in reply to Salma2289]

It feels like peace is only in death.. I am tired of always being sad and tired. I feel I have no place in this world. Maybe deep down I wish I was dead but tbh, I am still scared of death. I really just want to be better.

[Salma2289 in reply to AnIslandOfPeace]

And you gonna be better my dear as long as you are seeking for that, I believe in you and you are never alone, talk to me in anytime and we are all here for you Wish you all the peace

[Midori]

Think of how devastated your partner would feel if you did anything to yourself.. Is that fair?

Just because you don't yet know how your life will continue is no reason to be without hope.

Try being a little more proactive and you may well find things changing for the better.

Have you seen your doctor about your low mood? I really feel it would be a good idea.

My husband committed suicide, leaving me with two very small children, and I was lost, despite the fact he was a violent drunk. I sucked it up and got on with it because I had nobody to help, and had to do the best for my children. 30 years on, and I'm a great deal better, although there is still the residue of the CPTSD.

Cheers, Midori

[propjock]

I’ve just learned that the Swedes have a word for “happy place.” It’s “smultronställe,” literally “strawberry place.” That’s your profile picture, two handfuls of strawberries!

There is some good advice here from some people who seem to have been there. There most certainly is a You, apart from your relationship. Love doesn’t dissolve into the other, it stands with, separate but still together. Go exploring. Discover yourself. A trustworthy friend or a therapist can help. I will ask God to hold up the spiritual mirror and show you…You! You matter. You are loved.