Insecure

[Elleeee]

Ok so this is just going to be a miserable rant. I suffer with depression and anxiety. I have currently been with my boyfriend for 4 years however for no reason other than my negativity and anxiety I have never trusted him. I am so insecure. I have tried so much but just couldn’t. Anyway to cut a long story short my mum hasn’t helped this as she is always putting things in my head for example she says ‘does he still want you’ or he’s not gong to want you if you do that, you should dress more like this and look more like this for him to want you’ etc. She is always putting things in my head, like about him wanting other girls (he has never said he does) but she pressumes he does and makes my trust even less for him. She basically makes me think he dosent really want to be with me and is constantly putting negative things in my head about our relationship and I can’t seem to ignore it. I am so insecure as it is I’ve tried to tell her how I feel about this but she still carries on, I am sick off it and it’s making me so down, it’s been this way for years.

[fauxartist]

Hi Elleeee. listen....if I were you I would ask your mother to stop giving you her advise first off. It's no wonder you don't trust your boyfriend if your constantly being micro managed by your mother with negatives. We can love a parent and they may think they are helping us, but sometimes their advice is not helping. Stop listening, and just be polite about telling her you just need to work your relationship out on your own, thanks anyways, and if you want her advice, you will gladly ask her. It's a two way street with a parent, you also have to not ask for advice if you don't want to hear her opinion. It's okay to stand your ground, your an adult, not a child that needs to be told how to do everything. You'll be okay....if she gets mad....that's on her not you. Just be kind. And live your life the way you want to.

[Windy101]

It sounds like it might help to set a boundary with your Mom. Something like, "I love you, and you mean the world to me, but I need to work this out myself. I just can't talk about it anymore." Then don't! You can walk away, leave the house, or go to another room. Just be sure to let your mom know you love her - you can leave cards for her, notes, a flower, and give her hugs. If your mom won't accept the boundary, you may have to reconsider the relationship.

[Taycha]

Oh my gosh! I went through such a similar situation! My mom and I don’t have a great relationship at all. Any time I’m excited or happy about something she puts nonsense into my head and tries to tear me down and I always let her. She’s always trying to break up my relationships and it makes me a different girlfriend.

I’ve tried talking to my mom about it and she just gets mad and pouts. I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years because it turns out he wasn’t faithful, but there was always part of me that wondered if my insecure behavior led him to do it. Best of luck to you. It’s such a difficult situation.

[countryboy1]

I so much agree with Fauxartist. Your mom simply can't run your life. Love her but ask her to keep her opinions to herself.

It sounds like you really like this guy. I would ask him if we can go to a therapist together. And once there, I would explain to him your insecurities, anxieties etc. Let him know whats going on with you. If this is the right relationship for you, I hope it all works out!

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

My mom hates my husband and the least thing and she’s saying kick his ass to the curb! I had to limit what I talk to her about. I think you should take that advice as well. You are in that relationship. Not your mom. He apparently accepts you as you are. Your mom is the one trying to change you. Not him. Why do you ask him to go out to dinner. Put some extra effort in your appearance. Make it a nice date. Then at dinner calmly tell him your concerns. It sounds like the only ones you have are your moms or not valid. As you say. Then listen to what he says. Tell him you love him. Write down what you want to say ahead of time. If all goes well have some candles and fancy jammies at home. (I’m assuming you are at that point. If not stop after dinner.) Communication and trust in my opinion are the keys to any relationship. Bottling things up feeds them and they grow. Talk about it. I suggest dinner so no one can walk out. It’s a calm atmosphere so no fighting.