Insecure

[Blueyes75]

I just wanted to properly introduce myself as I have never posted anything here always read everyone else's story so here it is. I wish I wasn't so insecure. I always question myself over the dumbest things. I feel lonely alone in my thoughts in my head can anyone else relate? Is it just me? I'm always worried if I offended someone and I get so easily angered over past hurts swelling on things that were said by my husband and I start to feel really resentful towards him. And then I think about the people that havent been here for me when I was so down and out and it hurts so bad.

[EleanorRose]

It can be so easy to question and doubt ourselves. I too worry about upsetting and offending people. I try very hard to be a ‘good’ person. Ultimately, I know I’m not an awful person and I wouldn’t have friends if I was continually upsetting and offending people, but the thought still remains.

It can be so hard to do but we have to try and leave the past in the past. No matter how many times we go over something, it can never be changed. Instead we have to try and change our feelings towards it, learn from it and look to a more positive future.

Some people just don’t understand. Some people are too wrapped up in their own lives. Some people just find it difficult - don’t know what to say/do etc. People not being there for you is more likely a reflection of something to do with them rather than being about you. Doesn’t change how hurtful it is but try hard to focus on the caring people in your life who you value.

Eleanor Rose

[Gettingthere73 in reply to EleanorRose]

Such beautiful advise

[Hidden]

I used to worry about offending people as well when I was younger and then eventually I decided it wasn’t serving me and grew a backbone and started saying no more often and putting myself first. I think it got easier after I finished school and got a job where I was reliant (spelling?) on others anymore.

I often go over thoughts, situations, conversations in my head and relive that emotions and it sucks! It’s hard to stop this especially if you’re in the relationship this occurred. What I started doing when I’ve caught myself in this loop is to just say “STOP” to myself and change to a good or different thought. It works! Not to say another thought won’t come, but you just keep saying it.

In regards to the people who have let you down - I would not expect much from them in the future. You take care of you! Then when they don’t show up it won’t hurt so bad. People are good at letting each other down. We’re all dealing with our own issues.

[Blueyes75 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for sharing with me

[KaleidoscopePicture]

Your post resonates with me. I often worry when I make mistakes and when something's not perfect. I get really insecure and beat myself up, thinking what I could have/should have done differently. There's a book I bought that you might find helpful: "So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us." by Beth Moore. I know what it's like also to ruminate over hurts and ways people have let me down. People are human. They will eventually let us down, because no one is perfect. Every person will eventually let someone down. I think we need to ask ourselves how ruminating on the wrongs done to us serves us. What payoff do we get by holding on to the anger and disappointment? We don't keep doing things if they don't give us some sort of payoff. The problem is if we keep going over them and over them in our heads, that other person has control over us. I remember when my husband told me something very hurtful that my sister-in-law said. I nursed that wound for five years -- avoided family get togethers when I knew my sister-in-law was going to be there. It festered and festered. I was her prisoner for five years. And you know the sad thing? When I finally confronted her about it, she had no clue what I was even talking about. She did not remember it at all. For five years I was prisoner to my unforgiveness, and she did not even have a clue what I was mad about. We might think somehow we're punishing that person by holding on to our forgiveness, but we are the prisoner.