Feelings of pain dealing with the loss.

[Optimistic_22]

Hi everyone. I lost my fiancé May 25th 2018. The feelings I feel I don't know how to overcome. Biggest thing I deal with missing him knowing I'm not going to see him again. I never got to say goodbye. I do have good memories of him he was suffering for so long and so happy he's OK now in the after life. He was one of the most caring people I've ever known. He had such compassion for even strangers. He endured so much pain throughout his life Mental pain ,physical pain started at age 7 yrs. We carried a child together who is now 13. He loved that kid more than anything. Our son is just like his father except without all the ailments. I always talk to my son and have both of us in counseling to make sure he's OK. My son is very logical like his father was and tells me he knows he was suffering but it was hard for him to watch his dad that way and to help take care of him. He tells me he's feels OK that his Dad is not in pain anymore. So I just want to present all these facts so everybody would be able to help me the best way possible. My life is good I have a wonderful happy child , full-time job family support when needed . The only problem is my anxiety / OCD which I can find ways to manage for the most part. I am writing this post for advice. How do I accept this? How do I accept the fact that I'm not going to see him again?How do I accept the fact I didn't get to say goodbye? How do I accept the fact that I miss him so much? When I think of these things and that's what I think of when I think of him is such a deep hole in my heart and it hurts so bad. I've never felt this way before. I Do have fond memories of him but these are the things that keep me up at night. The feelings I don't know how to get passed or be ok with.

[Optimistic_22]

He passed away. Not sure about the after life. It's the unknown. I need resolution from this.

[Optimistic_22]

No. I don't know what I believe anymore. I know there's a God.My questions answered. How do I deal with this? Miss him, not being able to see? The pain associated with it?

[Jen456]

My dear friend just lost her mom. She has good days and bad but what helps her is to continue to tell funny stories and share them with her friends and family. She also takes solace knowing her mom isn’t suffering and she continues to be just as she knows her mom would want. I’d also suggest doing something either once per month or even year that is a tribute to him. Whether it’s a volunteer event, family gathering where u share stories, or even a ritual like write on a paper lantern and watching it fly away. He wouldn’t want u to feel down. I am sure it’s hard. I lost a dear friend on Good Friday last year. He was supposed to meet me for brunch and didn’t show up. I make sure I see the people he loved and we share fun stories together. I’m going to volunteer at an organization that he was a part of. My thoughts are with u.

Best

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Jen456]

Thank you. Helpful but still in search of that person that's possible been through loss of close spouse or loved one To answer my questions. 🙂

[fauxartist in reply to Jen456]

great comment jen456, very good advice. Remembering the collateral beauty...remembering and honoring those that have passed by seeing them in a happy time, birth, good days...

[Optimistic_22]

Thanks 😊

[Optimistic_22]

I have I go to a support group for loss but haven't had these questions answered yet. This is tearing me apart. I'm in school haven't gone in a couple months conflicting schedules. Thank you again. I appreciate your time.

[jkl5500 in reply to Optimistic_22]

I agree with justliving. If you can't afford therapy, there are support groups that deal with grief and loss. You need others to help you work through this. And I am very sorry for your loss.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank You. I have a therapist and support group. Still need questions answered or advice on them.

[fauxartist]

I'm very sorry for your loss, it's so very hard to make sense of it sometimes when we lose someone, but as you said that they suffered so much, it is a saving grace they no longer are. But the hole in your heart is still very new and your only beginning the grieving process. Glad your here sharing about it.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to fauxartist]

Thats what I was afraid of. I can't grieve at this level of pain forever. It's hard. When I think of him I have those questions. How do I lessens the pain of missing him? What do others in same situation do?How do they deal with the pain of missing and not be able to see them? Hoping someone will know.

[fauxartist in reply to Optimistic_22]

Loosing someone that your close to is the worst thing, and it's never going to completely go away, but eventually the thought of them will bring a smile more than sadness. I had to go to Grief and loss support groups and then learning to let go, ...that doesn't mean we forget....we just learn acceptance and how to cope. You may want to talk to a therapist and also see if there are any support groups in your area. And keep sharing here as many of us can understand.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you very much. Yeah I know it'll never go away but the hope that it's lessons would be very helpful to me. I'm a very sensitive person. I feel like at times I have too many emotions so it's not helpful to me.We were together for 15 years since I got out of high school.we became adults together . Thank you again for all your advice

[Optimistic_22]

Thank you very much. Yeah I know it'll never go away but the hope that it's lessons would be very helpful to me. We were together for 15 years since I got to the high school. That makes it hard. Having someone with you that long. Then one day just gone. Thank you again for advice.