I'm a father of 5, spouse of 10 years and perpetually alone. I'm not going to go into specifics about who does or doesn't do what in my house, I will say it's disturbing to feel alone when you can't actually be alone with your thoughts.
I've been told to go all over to meet people, most of the suggestions are ludicrous. I don't want to strike up small talk at the library, go to church or meet people at bars. I'm a dry alcoholic, with little to no funds, who has a 3 year old with him at all times.
I should also point out I'm a 45 year old white male, so most parenting groups are out as I'd be the creepy old guy.
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Notdealingwithitwell
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You are in what can be a difficult situation, especially if you are not completely happy with your spouse and if finances are stretched. They may not be, but I know that supporting a household of 5 children is not easy. I agree with Agora that if you can find or develop a hobby that may be the best thing at this point. Would you be able to garden, or take up a sport that is not too expensive? Ice skating comes to mind. I began to do this when I was an adult. It is not too expensive, and many adults do it. Then, there is swimming, painting, learning to play an instrument, roller blading, curling, etc. You might think some of these suggestions are trivial, but if you can get involved in any hobby it can make an immense difference in how you feel.
We all deserve to have time and space to be alone with our thoughts. I know that might be hard to arrange but it might be one of the best things you could do for yourself at the moment. If you can get some alone time to process how you are feeling or think about what you could do for yourself to be happier that doesn't directly involve others, it might really be able to open up some new possibilities for you. Wishing you the best of luck with everything, please keep us updated!😊
I'm a 'creepy old man' of 66, living alone "I don't want to strike up small talk at the library, go to church or meet people at bars. I'm a dry alcoholic, with little to no funds". OK I'm not an alcoholic, medical sources think that I was because I had pancreatitis, so get treated like one, any "alcohol" I had, NEVER drank any spirits, but eventually those few beers reacted to my many medications!The place I live in is "officially" the most boring in Northern Ireland! I absolutely hate the area I live in! I'm living on basic income, officially retired so "meant" to be getting a pension, meant is the word, I don't fit their pattern, so falling between the cracks in their "pattern"?
My sister keeps saying to get out and enjoy yourself, your retired, not a good start, I already owe her £70 for my groceries🙄 I'm lucky Notdealingwithitwell no one to look after, and the house is all mine🤔 BUT that is about it, vulnerably disabled, now officially terminally ill, cannot go up heights, I need help to downsize ASAP BUT HOW? Where do I start, it's beyond my family's capabilities? They have hidden me well for long enough, I've been alone with my thoughts for 19 years, dangerous for a diagnosed claustrophobic at the best of times? What is it "I want to break free..." ok not run around, or jump up and down, but to live in a nice quiet seaside cottage🤗👍for the rest of my miserable existence!
I was declared in 2013 as not being able to do any work, at all, I could advise on genealogy/history but quite frankly people around here believe ancestry.com/wikipedia solve those needs🙄🥴🥴🥴😤
I can imagine a market for those skills. Lot of people want to know but they don’t have time. They might have clues from genetic testing but don’t know where to go from there.
I see, I didn’t know that. I was just thinking of an idea for finances. Be glad you have your sister. I saw your nervous about medical tests that’s normal for anyone. I take a real cold shower or bath to try snap me back. But it took a couple weeks to dial down the temperature.
Genealogy: -1 a line of descent traced continuously from an ancestor 2. the study of lines of descent [in other words a person asked me about their family tree, and I would trace their family tree through historical records etc.] I had my own family tree research business then came the computer and horror the likes of Ancestry.com🙄😤😤Nothing chemical or biological about it then, pre DNA!
I know of a few, and theoretically within my price range, for this place I'm sitting in, whether my family would help, another matter altogether, thanks for the nudge snowdayze👊👍
Well it won't be today "Mondays and Fridays are not convenient" my sister is doing her church work with 'sinners' who 'have' to be of her "religion"? You wonder why I'm a Humanist🙄 I have not had any money in since June 7th, STILL waiting for biopsy results since 13th June, so not a good day!
Truth… making excuses. There are 5 other days. If you lack mobility you could write down the tasks and what you want to do with different stuff. What is junk, sale-able, donations and keeper on post-it notes. Get 4 colors so you don’t even have find a pen. Then you ask your sister to do something specific. People are much more likely to help if it isn’t an open ended task and they know it won’t take all day. Repeat. Even if you don’t move it would probably feel good to clean it out.
Furthermore you could even get a Facebook account and post give aways on Facebook marketplace. They have to pick it up. It is safer than anonymous Craig’s list. It literally the only reason I go on Facebook.
You see? You don’t have to be helpless.
I don’t question the humanist part but the last time I went to a gathering I found myself questioning them as much as I question christians. They seemed just as interested in recruiting even though they pretended not to be. I did get a pocket version of the US constitution though.
What I meant is Blueruth not in a very good mood, extremely tired, waiting results for prostate cancer [biopsy], my online accounts being cut off as I write, lack of money, meant to go over from basic benefits to pension, but blue tape meaning I am as usual finding the cracks! I hate Facebook, twitter, etc try to stay 20th century as much as possible! IF I could move I would go further back into the 20th century, if humanly possible! I am surviving thanks to my sister's finances, but CANNOT stand her endless christian innuendoes against my beliefs! I need to get away from this horrible country, even my two specialists and my GP agree it would do me good! ps it is like that here with the christians here always trying to get your 'soul' through endless doorstop banter and leaflets, quoting various passages from 'their' version of their particular scriptures! Today is not a good day for settling anything, I am sitting in my pjams, 7.pm all day, my sister told me Mondays were out, in this mood I don't think I could have the energy to do ANYTHING !🥱😴😴
Sorry you are having a bad day. I’d self reflect on what is holding you back. A bad day? I think not. If you do one tolerates annoying people for the sake of getting it done. I don’t like where SM has gone either. I need to get rid of stuff so as I said I use marketplace. Haven’t looked at my feed in a year.
I have come to appreciate making my rules as I go. I have things I like to do like art projects, reading. You can’t do those easily with someone else.
Instead of going out “to meet people “ why not do things you like? Meetup is great for this. Most everyone is solo out to do things they like. I think it is a little sad that so many stay at home because there is no significant. There is no reason for it. Creepy? Only if you act like a creep.
I live a very isolated life, often seeing perhaps one person for 5-10 minutes twice a month, at most. I have a lot of hobbies, a very sweet cat and I get a tremendous amount of use out of the internet (not just social media, but sometimes it helps).
I don't really know how to make new friends at this point... okay I have an idea but still, the life I live is not conducive to being super social and so often people can't be bothered to pick up the phone or reply to emails so... I guess I've just learned to make the best out of things.
I can totally relate to how you must feel, which is why I feel sorry that I can't offer many helpful ideas. I suppose the best thing to do is find people who can relate to who you are, like people who have a hobby in common or some kind of similarity, and try to build on that. Small talk won't kill you, at least I don't *think* it will, but I wouldn't blame you if you felt awkward.
I’m always alone but I put that down to being an only one and lonely as a child , me and my husband are both artists and loners but he doesn’t feel lonely like me . So it’s odd as neither of us are good at socialising but do as a duty. I love being outside so I created an area as an allotment garden for vegetables which if you like is my quiet corner , I’m not lonely here so it’s odd really but perhaps it’s ok to be a lonely person as long as you can enjoy being alone doing something you love. Perhaps that’s why all men in England have a shed . 👍🏻
Since you have to care for a young child all day, your time to do something for yourself might be after he is asleep. It would limit what you would be able to do, but it can still be your own time. Good luck!
I am a 63 year old man married 43 years almost. 2 grown kids and grandkids. And I remember telling myself a decade ago, you can live in a house full of people and still feel alone. When the kids are late teens and stuff they want thier space. But you have little kids and you are thier world. Play with them, hang out with them. It’s what they want. You don’t need any outside friends. You have 5 kids and a wife. Now get in there and do stuff with them. It can be just hanging out holding hands and reminding them how much you love them. It can be having stuffed animal parties and making up a different voice and accent and name for each animal. Then each stuffed animal takes on its own personality. Like a tea party . Remind them when you are not with them you are always thinking about them. Kids want your time. They need it. Get close to your family and stay close. You don’t need anyone else.
Maybe your depression or anxiety is the issue? You should not be anxious with your family. Try my harsh methods for anxiety. Lay down before you eat and do the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. 3 round begginer. Then get 30-40 minutes of cardio exercise to help burn off steam. Then start using cold water therapy. It helps the brain release chemicals. A 65 degree cold bath for 5 minutes. Then a week later 60 degrees and keep working down to 40 degrees. Your in Canada lots of cold water. Make sure your dr is ok with you going in cold water some people have heart problems. Dunk your head the last minute a few times. Go on the internet or you tube and search cold showers for mental health. Cold plunge for mental health. Wild swimming. People have been doing this for 200 years. You got this buddy! You just need to steal 30-60 minutes of me time each day.
What about a leisure centre - any with a creche for your child whilst you go to the gym or swimming?
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