Depression :(

[Dragon1940]

Hello, I am new to this community. Please excuse if I make any mistakes grammar wise or in writing in English is not my native language. Anyway, I have been driven here by the simple fact that I can hardly talk to any human being in real life about my problems. My parents are very traditional & often criticise me for not simply moving on from my problems. My brothers all have their own struggles (disabilities such as autism, lupus, neurofibromatosis I believe is what it is called & speech disorder). & my one true friend is depressed with his own life. I recently had encountered a girl & went through the "motions" with her. We fell for each other & before I knew it I was telling this girl I loved her. Now, this was not a usual occurrence, my entire life I have been outcasted, bullied, & rejected by others. For I have a clear anti-social disorder, my friends, almost all being online people who I have never met in person. My family history is one of nothing but horrible experiences that I do not wish to write about. Anyway, this girl eventually went on, well, to put it bluntly, break my heart. It has left me feeling crushed & depressed as I feel isolated in real life as I cannot find the time to balance anything, I am often under pressure from multiple sources, & every day I ponder whether life has true meaning if I have suffered nothing but the worst it has to offer. I feel no hope in my future, I feel no confidence in myself, she at least would make me feel like someone had finally given a damn about my existence. That I wasn't some complete waste of space & air that no one wanted around them. I wish dearly on some days that I had the gall & bravery to simply end it & rid myself of my misery but I cannot find the will in me due to religious reasons. I look around me & I witness everyone else have everything I wished I had. Love, wealth, a supportive family, a healthy family, etc. I do not feel like I can do this anymore, taking the endless depression on every day, why can't I too be like everyone else?

[Stilltrying_]

Dragon1040 please don't give up. You have been through a terrible situation on top of all the terrible background you have. People on here care and each and every one of us deserves to have a worthwhile life. Please hold on and express yourself on here. We are here to support you. Gemma XXXXXx

[Dragon1940 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you for the kind reply miss Gemma. I wish to note that seeing even your comment has somewhat lifted my mood for today & for that I am ever grateful.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Dragon1940]

That's good. I'm glad it helped. Do stay around to get further help on here. XXX

[MommyBro]

Sometimes it has been religious reasons that have kept me from killing myself--I'm afraid that hell will be worse than life! May I just say that you are amazing because your English is pretty darn good! I have been assisting with an English as a Second Language class and it was not until I did this that I realized how much English is a really difficult language which seems to follow few rules and often makes no sense. So you are already a very accomplished person. I do recommend checking out volunteermatch.com. Volunteering can get you "out of a rut". There are opportunities that are a one-time thing for a couple of hours, and others are ongoing. Some you have to do in person, and others are remote, things you can do on the computer, etc.

Keep on keeping on!

[Dragon1940 in reply to MommyBro]

Indeed! & thank you! I will check it out for sure again thank you for the recommendation! I cannot explain my immense gratitude for your kind & inspiring words MommyBro