Depression

[Luckytalks]

I'm 20 years old and fatherless child. I was totally abandoned by everyone, my grandmother, aunty, everyone hated me. I never got to know how does it feel, Father's love.My whole life I was abandoned by everyone just because my thoughts and the way i am is different from family members and relatives. I like literature and movies, most of the day I spend my life in that only. But abusive brother, fake friends, this society, my family and the men I loved everyone abandoned me. I have different desires, going away from this all misery and live my life simply with peaceful mind. I do have ambitions but depression is literally killing me slowly so the first thing I have to do is surviving. I never really felt loved but I always loved everyone who i thought are my best friendss. But now I want to live alone, not exactly alone. I want to heal myself, I want rediscover myself. I want to go abroad and achieve and help needy people. I don't know how to do. My mother hurt me a lot. My brother hut mephysically. Even I can't have proper food in home. I'm studying degree in BA. I already talked with friends, family, teachers and everyone but nobody helped me. Soi decided to help my self on my own but i really don't know how.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your going through all of these feelings and emotions, I know how it feels.

I never knew or had a father, or family for many years, and my mother was a sociopath who had no ability to show love or compassion. It's painful and devastating, but I want you to try very hard to know that....this is not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, and did nothing to deserve this. I tried for decades to be the person I thought my mother would love, but it's just not in her to give. And my so-called relatives didn't want any part of what was going on with her. So that meant I was on my own. I was gifted in art, science, and basically all subjects were easy for me....but everything I did was smashed down and my spirit killed when ever I enjoyed something.

As hard as this sounds, your family may not have it in them to give love, not only to you but really to anyone, or they are just selective assholes with no compassion to who they hurt in the process by favoring one over another. You will never get blood from a stone. Only you can forge your own pathway and learn to stop looking for acknowledgement, encouragement, or love from those who don't have it to give. Try and get some therapy to help you through this, and try to learn as much as you can about 'emotional abandonment' and absentee parents incapable of loving their children. I wasted decades of my life trying to get something I was never going to have from my family.....now I've made my own loving family...but I'm also 70 years old...

Don't waste your gifted life on that which is not your fault....your not hated, and how they treat you is on them, it's not a reflection on the person you are, it's a reflection on them....be the best you can be for you and forget about trying to change them....they won't, but you can.

[Luckytalks in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much for taking time to reply. It means world to me. Much needed. 😭💗

[fauxartist in reply to Luckytalks]

Stay in touch, your not alone here....there's a whole tribe of us who grew up with dysfunctional families and the mental injury it caused us, and knowing your young enough to get an understanding of what's happening now, and the possibility of you not having to suffer years of your life with this unresolved...is a gift we can all take away knowing we can help with sharing our own experiences and hope it can help you validate your own stuff. You have your own set of circumstances of course, and ultimately it's your battle to win...but you have back up here to go through it..so hang on kiddo.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Luckytalks. I am sorry that you are in this situation, but I am happy for you deciding to help yourself and admire you for that. I think a great resource is David Burns "Feeling Great" book and also the Feeling Good podcast that he is a part of. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.

[JaaKK]

Good morning,

I am sorry to hear about this that you are going through right now! Don't give up, and don't give up on people either. "When the door shuts, there is a window that is open." When the road is blocked, there is a detour."

Hang in there, you have got this!