Feeling down about myself today...

[rachel913]

My family does NOT understand my constant symptoms and think they're an easy fix. They think I can just snap out of it, grow up, get over it, and move on with my life. I am told constantly that I am a disappointment and a failure, I'm called pathetic, lazy, and a "do nothing" in life. My parents are on the verge of divorce because of me -- and how much of a burden I am to the family with my illness.

I am also required to get a job ASAP if I don't want to be kicked out. I cannot hold a job, or barely go on interviews for the life of me.. I am simply not ready and will not be until I can learn to function/control these symptoms (constant dizziness).

I had an interview scheduled for today and I simply could not do it. I was too dizzy and fatigued.. not to mention I cannot work a full time position at this time in my life. I'm a college graduate and have a degree in Psychology.. Why is this happening to me? I look so normal on the outside, and pretended to feel normal so bad and I simply couldn't. I wanted to so badly, I want to feel inside the way I look on the outside.. NORMAL.

I wish I wasn't treated so poorly for something that isn't clearly visible to the people around me. Isn't family supposed to be there for you through thick and thin? Not mine I guess..

[jpsmith]

Hi there. I can relate totally to the anxiety and depression. I suffer from it to. I’m on disability for it and I don’t currently work. I also have a psychology degree and a masters degree in counseling but I cannot use it. If you’d like to talk more message me. I am here for you

[rachel913 in reply to jpsmith]

I would love to message you further. I have been denied disability a few times now. This is so hard to live with, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

[AZ1970]

I understand. I am the same way. I have worked in mental health. I am working on my master's in counseling. But I cannot hold down even a part time job right now. Family often does not understand. Lean on us and let us build you up.

[rachel913 in reply to AZ1970]

I’m so glad I can relate to others on here. Without you all I would feel entirely alone. And that isn’t a good feeling for someone with depression haha.

[Joel420 in reply to rachel913]

I also suffer from serious depression. For your disability I can help you for sure. Contact me and I will share what I know.

[rachel913 in reply to Joel420]

I will definitely message you!

[rachel913]

Thank you so much.. feel free to lean on my shoulder anytime you may need as well. While the people in our physical lives might not be supportive, at least we all have this amazing and caring community 🌈

[Joel420]

I'm on disability and I got on my first attempt. I see below you have tried getting on disability. With my illnesses it was a breeze, I can help you in so many ways. I can show you where you went wrong and correct it so you pass first try. It's not fun being disabled, nor is rewarding but it's there if you need serious help with finance. I have a lot I can share with you. Tell you what you need to proceed and lock that shit down. Ttys Ray, I'm Joe by the way.

[AZ1970 in reply to Joel420]

Joel420 I would love to hear your ideas.

[Hidden]

Have you seen a doctor about your dizziness and fatigue?

[rachel913 in reply to Hidden]

Ent’s, primary care doctors, ER, several blood tests, ct scan of my head, hormones checked, several ekg’s.. you name it I’ve had it done..

[Hidden in reply to rachel913]

I am sorry they can’t diagnose what is going on. I hope you get some peace soon. I will pray.

[Hidden]

True about family..mine aren't there for me either..I figured that out..atleast i know where I stand with them regarding this..we are here for you..

[rachel913 in reply to Hidden]

We are here for you too!!!

[guynfl2chat]

I completely understand the fear that anxiety brings on. I call myself a walking GAD person. I am able to work, but sometimes I dont know how I do it? But I do it! I am actually very good at my job and proud of my success. Changing jobs and interviews were always very tough with anxiety, but you have to remember a certain amount of being nervous is expected. I have a job where I have to run meetings and be the center of attention sometimes. I do have anxiety attacks sometimes during these presentations/meetings but I have push through and have had this job for over 11 years. Its not easy and some days are harder then others, but I have to tell you that making yourself face the fear DOES ABSOLUTELY help. I can not believe what I have accomplished, but I still have anxiety and issues almost everyday. I want you to try and face your fear and understand the worst that could happen is that you feel uneasy and you try again! The more you do this the more confidence you will have and the more you will be able to help yourself. I agree that most people do not understand what we go through, but you have to make it happen. Good luck and you are not alone if you want to talk.

[rachel913 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Wow you are SO strong! Congratulations on all of your accomplishments -- you should be extremely proud of yourself. I don't know how you do it, I really don't. Since I have health anxiety I am constantly in my head about my persistent symptoms that do not seem to lift or go away, even after 2.5 years of continual suffering. If the symptoms would diminish I know I would be able to carry out a job and move on with my life..

[Rpan]

I too am of the mindset that we just have to keep doing. I was hospitalized in my early years for depression, but I didn’t let it stop me, I got out of the hospital and went to work the next day. Years later I went to school and got a degree, now I work in my field of study, for 17 years. I’ve been on and off medications ever since. I struggle, don’t get me wrong things can get tough, but what is the alternative? I’m married with a daughter,I’m working towards a pension, I own a home, all of which would not be an option if i were disabled. Keep fighting forward we are not depression and anxiety, this issue is not all of us, it’s just a part of who we really are. You can overcome this

[rachel913 in reply to Rpan]

Did you suffer from any constant symptoms? The persistent dizziness/lightheadedness prevents me from doing anything in life and I'm only 24. I feel like I've missed out on so much, I have zero support at home, my friends gave up on me (minus the ones I've met through here ❤️), and cannot seem to overcome my struggles. Any advice?

[Tright35]

I understand what you are going thru. Sometimes family can be the biggest trigger for me. They never allowed me to express my feelings and did not take what I was going thru seriously as far my depression and anxiety. What I had to do was step away from them physically in order to get myself together mentally and emotionally and in turn I found other means of the support I needed thru this difficult time. I sometimes find my self still a bit hurt at times cause I could not depend on my own family to be there for me but I could not let that hinder me from progressing. I hope you find a way as well to help you thru this difficult time your having. Blessing to you!

[rachel913 in reply to Tright35]

You would THINK family would be there for family in times of need but I guess that simply is not so for a lot of us suffering from mental health issues. It's simply unfair. Would they treat us this way if we had a physical illness like cancer? NO. So what, since they can't see it our issues are disregarded and thrown directly into the trash? Gosh it's not fair. At least we have each other on this wonderful site.

[Tright35 in reply to rachel913]

I was just talking to a friend of mine saying how i feel the world we live in does not take mental health as serious as physical illness and it's a shame. Thank goodness for sites like this i really appreciate everyone's stories and fees back. Makes you feel your not alone.

[Hidden]

Hi Rachel,

What you are experiencing with family is pretty normal. We have the invisible disorder. People can't relate to it unless they have experienced it themselves. My family called me lazy when I was depressed and unable to function. I used to ditch school occasionally because I just couldn't always play the role of the normal kid.

I hope that your family will be open to learning about the seriousness of anxiety and other mental health issues you may have.

Are you under a doctor's care for anxiety? If you have medical documentation concerning anxiety and how it affects your life and your ability to work, you might be considered for Social Security disability. It might be worth looking into if all else fails.

That's just my two cents. Wishing you all the best.

[rachel913 in reply to Hidden]

I hope to be moving out with my partner in November.. so I only have to hang on a few more months until I feel that I can truly start recovering without the constant negativity hounding down my back.

Unfortunately my GP thinks I'm a joke and did not sign off on my disability even though my therapist and psychiatrist did. I might consider reapplying, who knows. I'd like to get a job eventually, I don't want to be disabled. I want to fight through this somehow and get past this ginormous hurdle in my life!

[Hidden in reply to rachel913]

Hang on to that positive attitude and ditch the GP! If the doctor is not taking you seriously, he/she is a problem....find another.

[Sillysausage234]

I read a story about a golden eagle egg that got hatched out and raised by chickens,and whilst scratching around for food used to look up and see the Eagles 🦅 flying up high,and say I wish I could fly,anyway I liked that story ....my point is if you have been constantly told all your life negativity and your worthless no wonder you believe it 🌞

[rachel913 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thank you Alan, you're right.