hi there

[kemeralds]

I’ve been struggling with major depression and social anxiety for a couple years now. There has been a point where I tried to kill myself and then had to stay in an institution. After that, I actually got better. I had friends, family and a social life of my own.

Last year, I moved to a new country on my own for university. I had never anticipated the loneliness that I would encounter here. I feel like it is all coming back to me now. I don’t have any friend and I mean it not even one. Everything I tell people is Yeah, Okay, Have a great day. Whenever someone tries to talk to me, I sweat and freak out like someone is choking me. Most of the time, people just ignore me and it makes me hate myself even more.

I think about suicide all the time and all the past events that have happened to me. I can’t even tell my family cause I would feel like a whining kid. And it’s such a horrible place to come back to since I tried so hard in the past to overcome it. I don’t know what to do. I’m just slowly going deeply insane here. It’s so painful.

[Jason28]

Hi Kemeralds,

First of all I am very sorry to hear that your are going through this tough time, do you mind if I ask what age you.

I can relate to how you feel every day is a battle in itself and I myself have thoughts of ending it aswell before I can bare another day.

I suffer from depression and anxiety. I was fine for a few years until recently the birth of my son and I relapsed hard, every morning is ground hog day for me and every day is a fight in itself.

Please don't give up you are such a warrior and use this site to get things off your chest as everyone is beautiful here and so supportive.

[AloneandScared in reply to Jason28]

Hang in there Jason!!! You will start to feel better when you can sleep and not constantly worry. I don’t have kids but I have been there with friends and family struggling with a new child. Parents worry all the time, at least the good ones do!

[Jason28 in reply to AloneandScared]

Thanks very much, I am doing my best, each day is a fight but am determined not to let this win, yeah I heard a worrying parent is a good parent lol

[kemeralds in reply to Jason28]

Hi Jason,

I’m 22. I hope that you’re getting better and better each and every day. I can’t even imagine the struggle of having a child. It’s completely understandable.

And thank you for the kind words. You too, don’t give up!

[Jason28 in reply to kemeralds]

Not a problem, you deserve all the praise and kindness because your a warrior, yeah parenting is hard but am determined not to let this beat me.

[Hidden]

does the university offer any mental health services for its students? If they do I would start there. Explain everything you mentioned here. That way they can help you and you can continue your studies.

[kemeralds in reply to Hidden]

They do have a counsellor for unacademic stuff but I have had experience with that before. I poured my heart out and they sent the information back to my parents, which freaked them out.

[AloneandScared]

I can’t imagine being alone in a different country!!!! Listen to Jason and speak to someone professional at your school. There are probably other students who are feeling lonely and isolated. You overcame your struggle last time and you CAN overcome again!!!! Don’t give up, your life is just beginning and you have many beautiful adventures to discover. 😘

[kemeralds in reply to AloneandScared]

Thank you AloneandScared! And please don’t feel alone and scared. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to.

[AloneandScared in reply to kemeralds]

Thank you and likewise!!! 😘

[Optimistic_22]

I feel for you but when you feel really low think about what you had before. Life can be great. Here when you need . I work alot , school and son but will respond as soon as can. Hobbies of things you like to do by self. From that you'll make friends. I don't have any friends either but learning to enjoy life with my interest. Yoga , aerial arts , dancing. Maybe corny but you'll find hobbies of your own. I lost my fiancé of 15 years , 8 months ago. Just told you to let you know life can and does get better. It's all about attitude. Also there is decent people but it's about you being happy. So find hobbies volunteer . 😀

[kemeralds in reply to Optimistic_22]

Hi there

I’m so sorry for your lost. And thank you for sharing that with me! I hope you are doing well.

I do try to write fiction and poetry from time to time, but then showing people my work becomes another stressful problem due to my anxiety.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to kemeralds]

Thanks I'm doing ok. Just a different way of life . Not necessarily bad just different. I'm glad you have your poetry and fiction writing. Don't have anxiety about showing people. Just show people you trust. Realize it's like art a matter of taste. Some people may really like and others may not. But thats just preference. Doesn't make your writing bad. It truly is a beautiful hobby you have acquired. If ever comfortable I would love to read. Also have you ever gone to art shows. Maybe even tried drawing. Drawing is relaxing and get your mind off things. I always loved drawing but stopped because I didn't think I was good artist. Then came to realize there really is no bad art. It's just an expression of your feelings. So might want to try and have fun with it. Have a wonderful day.

[Want2BHappy3]

Maybe you weren't ready for a move like that? Can you go back home ? Is there any COUNCELOR there that you can speak too? Good luck

[kemeralds in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Hi PJRR

I cannot go back home; that is no longer an option for me due to financial reasons. I do know a counsellor but I’m not sure he could be big of a help.

Good luck to you too!

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to kemeralds]

Why not give the COUNCELOR a chance? You never know?

[Hidden]

Hello, so sorry to hear about the difficut time you are facing. You have taken on a double challenge by moving to another country and starting uni. Although I'm getting old now, I do remember how difficult it was for many people starting uni and being away from home. Does the Uni or the Students' Union/representative body offer any support services? If so, you might want to contact them. Also, have you considered seeing a doctor there? If you are struggling, help may be available. Please don't suffer in silence. Take care,

[kemeralds in reply to Hidden]

Hi

Thank you for replying.

I did consider seeing a doctor, but the charge is extremely expensive that I cannot afford. I don’t think the student union has any special service for socially anxious people like me; they only have big fairs and conferences.

[Hidden in reply to kemeralds]

Hmmm..... just remember that the priority is you and your happiness and well-being. I don't know what the situation is like in the USA but I'm very surprised and disappointed there is no support for students suffering anxiety, which must be very common. Look, if you are not happy and feel lonely, something needs to change. You have choices, so please change the dynamic and make the right choice for you and your happiness. Trust your instincts and you won't make a wrong decision. Take care,

[gogogirl]

I can't imagine going to a new country to live for awhile. I have moved to different states during my rather long life, and even that could be tough. You're not a whining kid- it sounds like you are lonely. Are you in the US now?

[kemeralds in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you for your message!

Yes, I’m around the washington state. I don’t think I deserve credits for moving away though. There are so many people from all over the world here and they seem to be fitting in just fine. except me.

[gogogirl]

Sometimes colleges have counseling services- I hope they do at yours. Also, if you do locate a counselor, perhaps he or she can help you sort out what you want to do next in life. It's tough enough to be away at college ( I know from years ago), but I cannot imagine leaving your country, family and culture. Give yourself some credit for trying!

[Choosejoy]

I am so sorry. Is there any help you can get where you are? Sometimes churches have bible studies or support groups. I really like bible studies because I can focus on God. You know He created you for a good purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 "for I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". I meditate on that when I get down. He has a good plan for you. Sometimes we go through this stuff so we can reach out to God and grow closer to Him. Jesus is my peace and hope. He is my joy! I have been at this a long time.

[kemeralds in reply to Choosejoy]

Thank you Choosejoy.

It’s a wonderful thing to be able to find joy and peace.

I don’t know much about the help that I can get here. As far as I know, there aren’t support groups around where I live.

[Choosejoy]

Glad you connected here.

[gogogirl]

If you are that miserable and miss your family- can they help you get back home? I do not know what country you are from but that must be very hard being away like that. I have fallen into that trap at various times in my life of comparing myself to others. You say the other students from all over the world fit, but not you. Is there an international student organization in which you can participate? At any rate, perhaps you can look at that as a temporary situation until you can get back home. In the mean time, try googling National Alliance on Mental Illness or NAMI . They might have suggestions or even a local chapter near where you live. Good luck to you.