10:06 PM - 3/4/18

[newhope]

I’ve been laying in bed for three hours. The butterflies won’t go away... I don’t know why. It is just making me want to cry again. What am I doing? Why is this happening? Nothing bad happened today. I talked to an old friend - very religious. I miss her. But I don’t feel like I deserve to talk to her. I don’t deserve her friendship. It was my fault. I pushed her away. It’s been a little hard to breathe... I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I can’t sleep because the butterflies and the elephant won’t go away and I just want to sleep. I don’t wanna get trapped in this hole away. God, I just want to cry but I don’t want to wake up my family. It’s so hard to breathe.

[Hidden]

You need to do something to distract your mind. Sitting in bed hoping to fall asleep when you aren’t tired is no good. Read a book or watch tv. You need to burn off the adrenaline.

[newhope in reply to Hidden]

I came upstairs to sit with my pup. So funny how he can make everything seem so easy and simple

[Hidden in reply to newhope]

What kind of dog? I wish I still had my Lhasa apso. She was the best friend a person ever needed.

[newhope in reply to Hidden]

Scout is a fox terrier - white as snow! Little lug you should get another dog! They are so loving. I don’t know what my life would be like without Scout

[Hidden]

I don’t work and rely on my parents. They can’t afford another dog, but my brother has two dogs. Daisy is the beagle in my picture. She is a sweetheart. When I visit my brother I love to walk her, but my heart will always belong to my Lhasa. I had her for 16 years.

[newhope in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine losing a dog. I know that time will eventually come for Scout but it just seems like an impossibility. My heart goes out to you ❤️❤️

[Hidden]

I wasn’t to sad when she died. I had her when I was home bound and she was with me on my journey out of the house. It was as if she waited for me to get out of the house. Like her job was accomplished and she could finally rest. I firmly believe Gods love is reflected in his creation. And that dog was a gift from God. I am thankful to have had her for so long. It is sad when die but then you remember all the nice times you had with them.

[newhope]

That’s beautiful. I’ve been trying to reconnect with God but I just don’t know how. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve Him. I know He would say that I’m wrong but that feeling is still there because I know I did this to myself. Putting myself in this position.

[bullyadvocate18]

You deserve to have good friends. I know when I just home all day and not do much, I get depressed. Try going out and do fun things. Please do not give up, you worth it.

[newhope in reply to bullyadvocate18]

Thank you I’m trying to see if I can get involved with my music again. I really miss performing!!

[Vonnah]

So sorry you feel that way. It will get better so don't ever give up.