Today it’s a very ugly day. It’s cold and dark and my heart it’s smaller and smaller full of blood ready to explode. I wish I could die and loose all of this suffering and empty world, because I don’t belong here. I feel more empty than anytime and more sure that my life it’s a failure. I’m not good for nothing. I’m a screw up. I don’t deserve nothing because I am one. I’m not even sure I seek more attention or I just want everything to an end. My brain it’s screaming because I’m trapped in this stupid life. Why I can’t be like other women not think too much and live on while searching money and shopping. I understand I’m not unique and I will never be but all I want is to disappear like my shadow in the dark. I envy my shadow.... it can hides in the dark when she is to scared and go in and out of me. Why would you do that? Or how can you do it? I tried so many times to disappear in the dark, but I’m still there, my pain feel like a grey stone pressing on chest. If it’s not possible, and the only friend it’s death, why shouldn’t try to invite her in my house? Or go outside on the last trip on this Earth while sky diving from an endless building; we hug each other and go in the endless dark... I’m dreaming more and more about this and maybe this project will have a happy end. Death.
MY friend....: Today it’s a very ugly... - Anxiety and Depre...
MY friend....
I am really worried about you. Have you had these feelings before? Have you sought specialist help, you may need medication
Life can indeed be very bleak but there are people who care and would miss you.
Please remember even in this desperate darkness there is always a faint light somewhere.
Hey. Thank for your reply. Most of my days in the last year were like this. My family thinks I just like to be dramatic and make my own problems that aren’t real. I am suicidal since I was 13, now I’m 31. What a thing .... I always tried for others and I’m even worse. If I live and go to the doctors they will take my kid and I will kill myself, if I’m not going and refuse everything I will end in the same spot. Or maybe, just maybe one day I will find that light. But lately my tunnel feels endless.
Your problems are very real and it is so very hard to think of others when you are isolated and facing difficulties of your own and life takes every atom of energy you possess, but please your child desperately needs and loves you.
When you get in a point where you are so helpless that you can’t even do nothing even for yourself, maybe the child needs more than this... I’m not in that point totally, but I just feel how I’m going there with small steps but fast. I do have days and days, mostly are good , but the bad ones are so scary and more difficult to handle like I can’t control my thoughts and my body.
I feel the same way. I know where your at . right now I have anxiety and I don't know why. I'm worried about finding a job and helping my family. I try to meditate to caln my anxiety.
I can relate; want to help but too overwhelmed as is.
Your child needs you. Just take it little by little, an hour at a time. Please hang on in there.
My heart goes out to you. Remember how strong you are. Try to focus on something to soothe or distract you. What has helped you in the past?
Hey Starrlight. I think I had a small part of me who still wanted to live... a part of me that I feel how it’s disappearing in every minute. When I’m good I crave for this state, and now I’m hoping just to end in a definitive way.
I understand because I went through it just about a month ago and it lifted so that my more realistic perspective came back. Remember that the feeling of wanting it to end with the dark way of seeing things won’t be forever. Stay strong. You will get through with the power that is in your heart.
How are you and your little one today? Sending positive vibes((((
Hey. Thanks... Not very happy but better. Trying to crawl forward. I embrace your vibes and spread them to everyone who needs them too. Kisses
Awww you are sweeeeet to spread the vibes. And u r strong. Keep trying.
I dont Find myself strong. I’m just a coward who lives between life and death. I can’t embrace nothing because everything scares me.
You will find your way.
Can you think of anything you still have a passion for, or something you love that you can hold onto for hope?
I don’t think so. I’m trying to do something with writing but I know I’m not that good so I left that too. So it’s nothing left. Unfortunately...
I’m sorry. I hear that. But ya know we are so critical of ourselves, our writing etc when we are down. Writing is a beautiful creative way to get out the struggles we face. I am really glad you are writing on here though!
Thanks. It’s not at the level I want. To be a proper writer you need to be an amazing one , and self criticism it’s needed. It’s not being just creative but also good. I’m just a numb. The only thing that I thought I had left I finally understood isn’t for a normal person. As a hobby can be, but nothing more. Sorry for all this, I was just raised to think I will be someone and I end up a failure. It’s just hard to accept.
Okay so you want to be a professional writer? Please try not to get down on yourself. You are not a failure. I was just thinking today that I had high expectations for myself and now I have had to lower them because now my challenges are many in simple everyday life and I have little energy left to follow dreams like writing. But I still need to believe I can get better and do well in life, plus one persons definition of success is different than the next. Well I hope we will work it all out in time. For me, it’s one day even one moment at a time. If I think too much into the future it worries me and I get off track. I am trying to be a best friend to myselfwhich is weird to me but could work out well. Ha aaaaanyway write here as much as you want. I hope you will be feeling better soon.
I’m not good at anything so I can’t dream about something else, just to be a failure. Thanks for all your time. It’s good if you can live in the present, that’s a really hard thing to do. Also to love yourself. You are making big steps. About my life... I’m going to still dream to be there until I will live. How much and how long, will see. I think I can’t live without art. Big hug
I hear ya. Sorry if I am too pushy in wanting you to hold onto something of hope and happiness. I do know that sometimes it is just so dark. Big hug backatchya!!!
its really sad how deea1 sees how her life is at the moment but its her reflection of how it is.i too think deea1 has what it takes as I think her writing is amazing anytime I read the posts I feel I wish I could help more.never give up on your dreams deea1 I hope you conquer these hurdles and come through it with a life of happiness you deserve.
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