March

[vanessi]

Thank you for all your messages during these months. Today Feb is gone and with it my dreams too. I think the few things I had left, the little hopes, my prays and everything stayed there.

It's true I don't know who I'm anymore, i just hit the bottom. Every day I get worse and I don't know how long I will stand this. Last night I had cramps on my tummy, they were very painful and I don't know why, I was only talking to a friend, she was nice helping me but still can't help feeling bad.

I don't want this life anymore, every day I wake up I realise everything for me is bad, I have no happy moments anymore, nothing makes me happy, I have lost everything

I only want to lose when I'm asleep! Today is Thursday, almost weekend and the same circle.

I hate my life, I have everything of me, I'm not even capable to get a better job, I only wait for weekends to lock myself at home, to get anxious and desperate, sad and then cry. The woman I was no longer exist. My life is ruined and nothing can stop my sorrow. When I met my ex I knew if this happened I was not able to stand it. I never felt more loved in my life by a man. I'm tired. I'm tired of faking. Tired of pretending I'm ok in front of everybody.

I'm sorry for being so negative, I know it is annoying. I will take a break from here too, I think you all have enough with me. I just wanna be alone and closed in myself.

Breakdowns are coming back and i prefer not to bother anyone.

Thank you for everything, you guys have been helpful

Bye

[rph63]

Closing people off from you is the worst thing that you can do. Talking is everything. Can you afford to get some counselling? Do you have some close friends? I've looked at one or two of your previous posts and it seems you're going through a grieving process. It just takes time. What you had in your previous relationship will come again, this time it will be even better. You will feel love again and you will enjoy life again. You just need to accept that you've reached the end of that journey. You've had good times and not so good times. Don't let one relationship define your life, you're better than that. You have so much to give and still so much of life to experience. You need to get out and do the things that you once enjoyed, horse-riding, swimming, dancing, whatever gave you joy in the past. Join a club, do the things you thought you might like to try, learn a new language, take up art, or acting, go to places where you'll meet new people, try your hand at poetry or writing stories with a group. There's a whole world of fun, excitement, and friendship just waiting for you. The world may seem grey at the moment, but soon it will be filled with bright colours once more. Adventures are just around the corner. Soon you will start a new journey. There's a whole world waiting just for you.

[2getbetter]

Vanessi- I’ve been reading your posts and the replies, there are a lot “family” on here pulling for you and we are hear to listen & offer advice because we care and have gone through similar things in our lives. Don’t ever think you are a burden or that you should stop letting your emotions out- that’s what this is for. All I can offer is that it does get better over time- the pain today will feel better later even though you don’t think it will. I am going through similar problems in my marriage and my wife and I are separated and barely talk anymore and I’m afraid it’s over and that has been making me do the same as you, withdrawing and shutting myself down in a dark hole. It has taken me 2 months to to start to come to grips with the realization that my love may be gone and not able to get her back. Life does go on & we need friends & family & support to help get through these dark times. The whys & could haves or other issues don’t matter anymore and beating yourself up and putting all the blame on your shoulders doesn’t help. You are worthy of your own happiness but you have to let yourself get there & over time, it does. I still hurt and it isn’t gone, I’m just able to start handling it better. I hope this helps & please don’t shut us out.

[gogogirl]

The good news is that you have a safe place to live- you live with your mom , right? Why wouldn't you ever be able to get a better job- you mentioned that your mom and you were doing some fighting - I am sure that adds to the stress. Please do not close off people- you have done nothing wrong- this is depression talking really. You have already taught me a little Spanish and I am an old saw. Abruzo is hug , right? Is it possible to do some interpreting for instance at a government entity in Mexico? At any rate, I hope you will continue to get help- I find that walking helps a little for me. At any rate, even if you just continue to vent, please know we are here. Please continue to be kind to yourself. I'll bet your family and friends would love to spend more time with you.

[applesforever2020]

Hi Vanessi,

I know you feel like you are annoying everyone on here, and I often feel like that in my life with the people around me. Sometimes I chastise myself and tell myself that I need to suck it up and deal with it like an adult. As someone who has gone through about half a dozen heartbreaks in the past year, I can tell you that dealing with your problems is different for everyone. You seem like you are at a breaking point in your life. So am I. It is now up to me to decide whether I am going to take control or continue to let my depression and other issues control me. It is a terrible and horrible process. It makes me confront the deep issues and root causes of my problems. But I feel stronger now than I have in over a year. I cry almost every day still. I have self doubts regularly. I feel ashamed and alone all the time. I still sometimes isolate myself. But I see the small victories as well. I reach out for help. When I am doing something self destructive, like isolating myself, I try to consciously stop. I am seeing a counselor. Please do not give up. You are not alone. We are all here for each other. The whole point of joining this online group is to be there for each other. We are all experiencing similar things, and are the last people who would judge or be annoyed with you. Please chat with me if you want!

[Optimistic_22]

Vanessi

I'm so sorry you feel this way. It's hard to pretend like you're OK but sometimes going through the motions helps. Life is unfair things often happen to us and we wonder why. You have to take it as a life lesson and just know that you were not being punished and just grow and learn from it. People like us that go through so much are some of the most beautiful people. Inside and out. Try your hardest I know as it may seem try to be positive if anything else that will help. Negative talk brings a negative feeling and negative actions. Trust me I know I've been there. I do wish you well. Try to get on a daily routine wake up at the same time every day have breakfast go for a run read a book do things that make you happy but routinely. Once you get your mental health in order then you will have a better state of mind and well-being. Try talking to somebody therapist. Try to think how others may have it if you have a good physical health such as no aliments /diseases .why not think about how lucky you are to be healthy . volunteer maybe that will help you feel better too. Then enjoy your life each and every day. Once you feel strong and happy in yourself then you can seek a job. You will be OK but you have to put in some effort and positivity. I know it's easier said than done but you can do it. There is a better love for you trust me.