So, it's been months since I last posted here. I was ready to end my life at the time, while I've gotten better and no longer have any active plans to make my exit, life still feels like such a drag. I've been to therapists (seeing one now), and I seem to have reached the peak of what happiness and satisfaction with life I can get. It sucks, I want to enjoy life, I want to be glad to be alive but I seem to be unable to do so. I just can't take the bullshit anymore, I am so annoyed at myself, at this point I feel like I just can't be happy and satisfied, like something in me wants to be this way, like something in me wants to be this pathetic lonely guy that can't get his shit together. I don't know what to do anymore. I struggle to sleep, I have to remind myself to eat, sometimes forcing a meal down. Having to keep track of wether or not I've taken a bath, fuck I need to actively keep in mind that I have to brush my teeth and wash my hair too. I have to actively try with all my might to keep my room clean. I'm not as bad as I used to be but it seems like I've had depression for so long it's all I know and it sucks! I just don't know what to do. Should I just give up trying to improve? I dint want to but I'm so tired of being me and it's frustrating. Fuck, I just, I just can't stand living like this. I'm so pathetic, I don't know why I can't just allow myself to be happy. Fuck!
Getting tired [venting]: So, it's been... - Anxiety and Depre...
Getting tired [venting]
You should give yourself more time to do things you enjoy, like listening to radio or music youtube, which you can google. Do rest and enjoy your me time to be yourself. Yes daily activities important to do - sometimes just to be clean and dressed gives us satisfaction and pride and joy. Watching Netflix/sky/tiktok helps us be entertained - allow yourself to be free and choose something to do. Step out of your world with these activities and you may see a change in yourself
Dream alittle
Live alittle - entertain yourself
Or is it a burden - listening to other people's lives?
I do things like watch films, series and YouTube videos, I play videogames, create 3d art, listen to music. Everything feels so empty. I hate that I can't just enjoy life anymore. Thanks for the response by the way
Your good person/soul and trying - maybe just find someone to share interests with ? a friend? or even post and see if people have more fun or comedy or entertainment might be added - a perspective or something you have not come across before - really stimulate your senses
Look after yourself
Give yourself a chance
So you're so involved in video games that you forget to eat. Ok. What's important to you? Have you tried going out? Buy yourself a coffee and a cake, with or without your phone. Just being in a different location can make a difference. You might even strike up a conversation with someone, and don't write this off as bullshit before you've tried it. Come on - you have years of what could be a wonderful life ahead of you.😊
I'm too poor do go out and do things. I can't afford to even get a cup of coffee. Only getting out I do is walking around my neighborhood
Well that's something. If you could get to one of those places where you could get a free meal or even a cup of coffee, even if it's only once a month, that could bring some sunshine into your life.
That doesn't even exist here where I live. I'm lucky enough that I live with my mom, not ideal when you are 29 years old, but it's better than not having a place at all. I live in a poor community in cape town south Africa called Mitchell's plain. It's mostly working class but lower income jobs, with gangsterism and drug abuse being prevalent. I'm being supported by my mom, my dad died many years ago. I am struggling to find a meaningful job even though I have 2 qualifications. A BSc in Applied Geology and a teaching certificate in science education. Had a job at a highschool 3 years ago, got fired after 6 months. Taught at an online highschool,, 6 months after that. But it was a substitute position. Never got a job after that. I have Applied to retail stores but I heard they seldomly hire people with qualifications because they feel that the people would just leave anyway because they working below what they are qualified to do. So it's like I'm SOL there. unemployment for my age category of 18-35 years old is at 60% in this country so as time marches on my likelihood of employment slips away.
I feel like there's nothing for me to do here, like I should accept that I'm one of the unlucky ones... M
I am sorry you are in the situation you are in. Thank goodness you have a roof over your head and a mum who helps you. All is not lost. You write well, so your brain works, and you've proved that by the qualifications and experience you have had. Try to see the plusses you have in your life and work out a clever way you can use your brain to get a job - preferably one you really want, and tell them you really want it and why. Any job is better than none, as I'm sure you know, because it shows you are prepared to do what you can to support yourself when it comes to getting something better. And remember that your mum won't be able to support you forever. Don't give up; you're better than that.
I don't wish to dismiss what others have said about getting the right medication if that is what you need; I can't add anything to that. But it could be good advice.
That's exactly what's stressing and depressing me. I need to get a job or find a way to get a regular stable income because I need to be able to take care of myself for when she's no longer here r no longer able to help me. I feel so pathetic and like . Wasting my life. I want to be helping here at home like I used to when I was working. I earned enough to take care of my entire household off that teachers salary. Now I'm feeling like I'll never get it again
So it's the situation that's depressing you. I would be depressed too if I were where you are. Because I am not there, where you are, there's no way I can tell you where to go for a job but if there was one place, one person you could talk to, that would be a start, and try not to appear depressed; dress smartly and groom yourself - you know the sort of thing. If you had a job before, you can get a job again. I know it's a hard thing to do, but the possibility is there, isn't it? Even if you have to go around/write around, asking if there is a position you could fill, or go looking for "hiring" notices in shops, not the teacher's salary, but people do survive on lesser positions. You have to make your own luck in this world. Even talking to someone at a bus shelter might lead to something. Getting out of the house would be a great start, keeping your eyes and ears open, while you wait for replies to your applications. Good luck and make a start after the weekend.
I'm still applying to jobs. I've even gone to the nearby mall to apply for jobs at the stores there, no luck so far
You've been a teacher. If you had bee a sales person, you would know that you've got to keep following leads, keeping on and keeping on, and there's a percentage of follow-ups that will produce a sale. You have to keep going. Don't be put off by the fact that you haven't got a job yet. Make sure your CV looks good and your covering letter explains why you should have a job over someone else.
Don't forget, if they turn you down, to ask them to let you know when a position becomes vacant. You will fill it immediately if necessary.
Yeah I'm not giving up, I don't have a choice as I'm trying this is planning a demo video lesson for another online school I found out about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to give up. I just expressed how my thoughts keep telling me it probably won't work out
Eventually, Mr Somebody, it will work out (don't forget to add the demo lesson to your CV). Of course, there's a chance your efforts won't work out, but letting your gremlins tell you that they probably won't is not helpful, so you need to shove them to one side/in the bin. I hope you have something enjoyable going on in your life apart from this. I am shortly going to bed here in the UK. We can talk tomorrow, if you like.
You sound severely depressed. I have been to a place like you are! Have you seen a doctor or psychiatrist?
I believe you need help right away with antidepressants! It could be a chemical imbalance. It completely changed my life many years ago. I hope you at least go to someone who can prescribe medication and tell them exactly how you’re feeling.
Keep us posted, we are here to help. I hate to see you suffer when you don’t have to!
I've tried antidepressants before, been to multiple therapist's, it helps, I get slightly better, then just end up feeling like crap again
You said there has been improvement which is great. If there has been some there can be more. This is just my opinion so feel free to discard it - change your name from Mr. Nobody to something more positive or at least benign. You ARE somebody. I'm happy you are here with us. I hope you feel better and that your life improves.
Mr Somebody. Like me. Like most of us here if not all we are sick. I for one have to get certain wires connected properly through meds. I tried therapy, meditation, breathing techniques, you name it. I needed the medication answers with those things.
It took me a minute but I finally found the correct cocktail mix of meds. It changed everything . Keep trying different shit. Different mgs. Whatever it takes.
It’s October 28 2022. I’m absolutely toast. Can’t take another minute of pain and planning my exit. Instead of that I checked myself into a hospital and walked out so different. They were so much more aggressive than the outside docs I had seen over the years.
If your like me your not a fuck up. You need help connecting the wires. Not many can function well when that is the thing needed.
Yes youve tried. I did also. Keep trying to find the help. When you do and you will , the rest of your life will be waaay better.
Guaranteed
Spent a year on meds. I don't want to feel like a guinea pig again. Try this, try that change this dosage. Meanwhile nothing gets better. Maybe I'm just beyond help
Understood. It can be exhausting.
Just don’t give up with other avenues.
It's getting harder to not give up
For some people it’s holistic answers, people on here sing the praises of Dr Claire Weekes techniques, for me it was a trip to the hospital where they were not nearly as passive as my 7 “outside” docs and changed my life.
Brother , I and many have been there. I’ve been so damn frustrated, so exhausted and in so much pain for way to long but until you do everything in your power to muster up whatever it takes to try different avenues then your cheating not only yourself but those that care about you.
I don’t personally know you but I care the hell about you.
Look into everything you can. Educate yourself more than ever before. Try some different shit before you say your done.
If it can happen for me and others, why the hell not for you and others.
True problem solving is an art form. There is structure to it and above all stick to it ness.
Sometimes we need outsides views and opinions using very structured problem solving to find acceptable relief.
I’m one of the ones that can offer that and care only about your well being. No other agenda.
DM me if you need me
Much love
Craig
Hola Mr.! I am so sorry that you are suffering. It is really hard for me when I can't just buck up and change even when I feel like I know what to do. It sounds like you are really really hard on yourself and my thought is that maybe you need to forgive yourself. Somewhere along the way I would imagine things happened that has led you to have the beliefs that you do that are probably protecting you in some way. Perhaps you are isolated because you don't want to let others down, I find myself doing that. I would say try try try new things and other things and other therapists and maybe some wacko stuff. I mean, why not try everything once if life has no zest? It is out there. I first seek out acceptance of myself and peace. Peace is so much better for me than feeling regret and depressed. I believe I have heard it said that depression is looking back wishing to change the past and anxiety is looking forward wanting to control the future.
I have a lot of regret I didn't get good consistent therapy sooner, I think I could be ahead of where I am. It is okay though, it didn't happen that way, and while I lost some time and opportunities I am still here and I can still learn and change. I feel for you. I hope that you find peace and some joy.
Ketamine therapy is something I did that is fairly new. A wacko thing might be religion if that resonates with you (I am religious but many nonreligious would find it crazy I think). There is something out there that will help you see your truth and find peace. I always recommend David Burns and his book Feeling Great and the Feeling Good podcast. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.
Did the Ketamine treatments help you?
Yes, I found them very helpful. I think it was a nice boost to kind of ground me and calm me. Afterwards I always felt peaceful, though that could wear off. I think that a sustained result of them is that I am nicer to myself than I ever have been. In the first six sessions I just had the ketamine and a little bit of therapy outside of that. I am a big advocate of having your therapist there for it if it is an option. I think a lot of good work can get done pretty quickly that way.
Please go to a Christian Church several times. I know you will then get a handle on life. This is the most positive thing You can do. Christianity always works!
Thanks for reaching out and giving your advice, however, I am atheist
You don't need to be a believer. All the talk I see here is about Christianity but I think you would get more help, with no strings attached, from a mosque or a temple. Not to mention food banks.
My heart goes out to you because you just wrote my story as well. I wonder all the time why can't I just be happy? I'm miserable. BUT... I'm doing little things to help make little changes. I'm seeing a therapist. That helps. I was seeing a psychiatrist for meds but I fired her last week and need to find a new one. I'm on a med that seems to be helping a little. I started going to the local senior center for daily lunch and little by little I have learned the people's names and now we talk while we eat and visit a little afterwards. There are constant daily activities at the senior center that I can go to and I'm trying to go there at least once per day just to be around people. I don't have to tell them my life story or that I wish I was dead. I can just enjoy being around them. It's helping me to feel a little better and a little accepted. Maybe you can find a local community center or go to the library and see if they have any activities/meetings. OR... go to DBSA dbsalliance.org and look for a local meeting to attend. I hope you can find some help. This group is a good place to talk.
how are you doing?
Not well, sorry for the delay in my response. I've been "away" for a while
Have you made anymore F1 cars? I’d love to see them if you have.
Nah just the one, I started animating it going around a race track with different camera angles but never finished it. Thanks for your interest though, if I do work on it again, I'll keep you posted
Since you asked about the F1 car project, I revived it and improved on it. So here you go lol
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You know when you think you're feeling better but you're just fooling yourself? That's me..
Tired
I'm tired of being me....
alone and tired...
I'm trying.
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