about to fall apart

[sleepwalking24]

hello, i feel like i need to share this with someone without receiving any solutions for it... i think i'm fishing for an answer to one simple question : am i a bad person?

i have zero friends... they are all gone because i backed away but was that a bad decision? i'm just the type who hurts easily...

i dated before my current boyfriend doesn't have experience... am i bad person for staying with him? should i just let him to always live in the shadow of my ex?

and i keep wondering why stuff like this keeps happening to me... i don't think i'm a bad person but what if i am? what if... i'm broken and can't operate well with other humans? what if i'm doomed to die alone?

[hypercat54]

Well to me a bad person is someone who deliberately hurts others both mentally and physically, abuses someone or even kills them.

I presume you don't do any of those things? How can you be a bad person because you have friends or do you think you have no friends coz you are a bad person? Well no actually as you said yourself you backed away from them. How does this make you a bad person?

I think there might be something going on like depression and/or anxiety and wonder if you are getting any medical help? x

[efulk12345]

You are not alone. I'm pretty sure almost everyone questions if they are a bad person for doing something in their life. You just need to remember. If you push your friends away what if its because you just feel like you'll hurt them and want to protect them. As for your boyfriend talk to him. Your Boy/Girlfriend should always be there to listen to you and understand.

[icDavey]

You are focusing on the wrong question. Better you should ask, "Is this working for me?" This has an easier answer - Yes or No. If no, what are you going to do about it. What is a "bad person" anyway? And who gets to decide if you are? Other people? You want to live your life according to what other people think? Which other people? Because different people have different definitions of what a bad person is.

Another good question to ask is, "If I saw someone else doing this, what would I think they should do?" Are they a bad person for doing that?

On the friends issue, Just be friendly. When you see a new person, go up and say, "You seem to be new here. Anything I can help with?" Or just ask what their name is and where they came from. Be friendly.

I don't get what the issue is with your boyfriend.

You writing sounds like you are a teen with all the typical insecurities a teen has. In other words, all this stuff you are feeling is something close to normal. If you stay positive and be the best person you know how to be, everything will work out fine. You will be OK.