Falling apart

[Smg315]

I found out this week that I might have leukemia. I know some people would think I’m stupid for being this upset when I haven’t even been officially diagnosed yet but it’s terrifying. It’s even worse because I feel like I’m so alone in all of this. My family only cares about themselves. My boyfriend seems to think I’m over reacting and I don’t really have any friends. My best friend died of breast cancer almost 3 years ago which makes this situation even worse for me. I keep think how I wish she was here to help me get through this as she is the only person I know who did this and she’s not here. It’s not fair and it’s making me struggle with my faith. I’ve always been the person who take care of everyone else. If my entire house came down with the flu, I was the one taking care of my siblings and parents even if I was sick. I’m the youngest in my family yet always managed to keep things together. I did the grocery shopping as soon as my sister got her drivers license. I helped my parents with paying bills as soon as I got a job and now, I help my sister raise her 4 year old. I just need one person to take care of me sometimes even if I can’t do it myself.

[hypercat54]

No one would think you stupid for being extremely upset over this as anyone would be. There is little worse than not knowing as you feel like your life is on hold and you can't get on with things.

I really hope you haven't got it but if the worst is true there is so much they can do these days so always have faith.

Please let me know when you do. I will be thinking of you meantime. xx

[Smg315 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so much it means a lot to me. I think I’ll feel better when I get the results back whether they are positive or negative. I almost feel that a positive result would be better as I would finally know what’s going on. The doctor said if it’s negative, I have to have a bone marrow biopsy which is scary too and even then they might not know what’s going on.

[hypercat54 in reply to Smg315]

Yes the not knowing is the worst isn't it. Even if it is the worst scenario then at least you can make plans to face it rather than being left in the dark. x

[Hidden]

😢you are NOT stupid for feeling the way you do! The uncertainty of it is one of the most difficult things...you are not alone here.

[Smg315]

This is the only place I don’t feel alone...

[newbie1956]

Heartfelt prayers for your comfort and strength in the coming days.

You will never be alone. <3

Agape