I only want to forget what I have lived and how happy I was, I want to block those memories and never think about them never again, they only make me anxious when I try to sleep.
I have many thoughts right now that I feel I'm drowning inside. I pray to God but I always complain for what happened. If I was so happy why was it taken from me, didn't I deserve such a happiness?
Sometimes I think it's true, I'm never gonna recover, I can't live with such a loss. I want to lie myself but I can't I do love my ex and breaks my heart everything ended. I wish I had never known him
I've experienced the most amazing happiness but also the horrible sadness. I feel I was on the top, very high touching the sky and then I fell down till hell. No one can help me
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vanessi
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Can I suggest you watch: stop begging them to stay by td jakes ( let them go)..On you tube...tell me what you think..I hate seeing you in pain still..
Don't take my bluntness the wrong way. I don't know which is sadder the fact that you're giving a guy so much power over your life or that you're only 23 and you're just giving up. Break up is a part of life shake it off, yeahyou're hurting use it as a motivation, start over, start a new plan, be successful so along the way if you happen to cone across him he will realize what he lost like seriously girl 😒
I want to give you an explanation of why the breakup took me down so bad.
Before I met my ex boyfriend I was happy, I was at college and with many dreams, I was so confident and sure of what I wanted. I was just focusing on my dreams. I had my plans and I was achieving them. I was gonna move to France so I could keep improving my French.
When I met my ex my life changed we fell in love so obvs I had to change my plans again for new ones because I was committed to my relationship, basically I swapped France for Ireland, i always wanted to move to Europe so was not very difficult for me knowing I had my love and I was gonna live where I wanted. How happy I was!!
It takes me so much time to make decisions as the first one, me moving to France took me like 2 years, the second one took me like 6 months
I know you all wonder why I changed my mind for someone but I was in love and willing to leave my country for new opportunities and with the love of my life. Love is so important to me and it is something I want to have forever. I felt at home no matter where I was as long as was with him.
Now I wasted more than 3 years planning my future, deciding where I can feel at home and I feel I am at the start again. My problem is that not only I lost my partner, my fiancé and my best friend, I lost all my dreams and my plans because I LOST MY FAITH, because I am scared of making the same mistake, keep planning and then realise everything is gone.
The breakup affected my emotional state but also the trust I had to do things. Affected my self- esteem. Now I've become very insecure, more anxious and depressed because the breakup dragged all my being.
If someone says "keep the old plans before your ex" i would say no because I'm not sure what I want, if I make a mistake again and I decide to do smth that i won't be able to achieve I will feel so much worse, I already feel useless imagine how I would I feel if I fail again. I know I'm young but I'm turning 24 soon then I will be older and older.
I feel under so much pressure because I had my life already, working and living in Ireland with my husband now I am at the beginning and how long is gonna take me again? If I couldn't decide for so long how I can make a quick decision while I am depressed. My mom put so much pressure on me and my decisions because she knows me and I will take some time to feel ok again.
My being simply don't work with the emotional state, I'm so tired of faking and making plans that I want to give up. That's why I say my ex took everything I had and everything of me because he left me feeling weak and useless, scared of myself. That's why I say it is not like the other relationships I had, because even though the other ones didn't work I still had energy and faith, looking forward to the future.
Now I really hope you understand why I am very sad and crying all the time. I've lost my path, I don't know who I am anymore, I'm not sure of what I want and afraid of my decisions and then blame myself because they didn't work out
I already read this when u posted it the first time. Anyway if you just want to keep being sad and not doing anything about it while this guy live la vida loca then go ahead. I see this lady who was 73 graduate college yet here you are 23 not willing to put your big girl panties on and start over. Bye
I don't care if he is enjoying his life or not, I'm not gonna force myself to do smth just because other people want it or handle this situation differently. Simple as that
Guess what? You are helping you- you probably are not giving yourself enough credit. You cannot help your feelings but you can decide what to do with them. How far away are you from the Earthquake zone? Remember- not that this affects your life- there are quite few men and women - some even in their fifties, sixties and older who have not settled down in romance but who have been happier in other ways. I also feel badly that you are giving so much to someone who ended a relationship. As we get older - we often find that just being content is somewhat steadier than the touch the sky feelings . I hope you experienced some happiness or contentment with your family this past week. Five days ago in the USA there was a horrific mass school shooting. I will bet with your kindness you can help your students find confidence and success as well as a fine mentor.
I want to give you an explanation of why the breakup took me down so bad.
Before I met my ex boyfriend I was happy, I was at college and with many dreams, I was so confident and sure of what I wanted. I was just focusing on my dreams. I had my plans and I was achieving them. I was gonna move to France so I could keep improving my French.
When I met my ex my life changed we fell in love so obvs I had to change my plans again for new ones because I was committed to my relationship, basically I swapped France for Ireland, i always wanted to move to Europe so was not very difficult for me knowing I had my love and I was gonna live where I wanted. How happy I was!!
It takes me so much time to make decisions as the first one, me moving to France took me like 2 years, the second one took me like 6 months
I know you all wonder why I changed my mind for someone but I was in love and willing to leave my country for new opportunities and with the love of my life. Love is so important to me and it is something I want to have forever. I felt at home no matter where I was as long as was with him.
Now I wasted more than 3 years planning my future, deciding where I can feel at home and I feel I am at the start again. My problem is that not only I lost my partner, my fiancé and my best friend, I lost all my dreams and my plans because I LOST MY FAITH, because I am scared of making the same mistake, keep planning and then realise everything is gone.
The breakup affected my emotional state but also the trust I had to do things. Affected my self- esteem. Now I've become very insecure, more anxious and depressed because the breakup dragged all my being.
If someone says "keep the old plans before your ex" i would say no because I'm not sure what I want, if I make a mistake again and I decide to do smth that i won't be able to achieve I will feel so much worse, I already feel useless imagine how I would I feel if I fail again. I know I'm young but I'm turning 24 soon then I will be older and older.
I feel under so much pressure because I had my life already, working and living in Ireland with my husband now I am at the beginning and how long is gonna take me again? If I couldn't decide for so long how I can make a quick decision while I am depressed. My mom put so much pressure on me and my decisions because she knows me and I will take some time to feel ok again.
My being simply don't work with the emotional state, I'm so tired of faking and making plans that I want to give up. That's why I say my ex took everything I had and everything of me because he left me feeling weak and useless, scared of myself. That's why I say it is not like the other relationships I had, because even though the other ones didn't work I still had energy and faith, looking forward to the future.
Now I really hope you understand why I am very sad and crying all the time. I've lost my path, I don't know who I am anymore, I'm not sure of what I want and afraid of my decisions and then blame myself because they didn't work out
Sounds like you've had some trauma, but you are working yourself through it with the help of your family. THAT makes a big difference. As time goes on , life can sometimes throw us a curve. Been there, and accident survivor.
Again, please do not blame yourself, and you will have trust in yourself again. Little steps maybe not making so many decisions based on a relationship- after all you left your whole life in your country for this guy. Would he have done the same? You probably know the answer to that. In the mean time, it sounds like you have placed some trust in yourself- nothing to be embarrassed about. Set backs especially big plans like that can really have an effect. In the mean time, at least you are living, working a job and spending time with your family. Hope you enjoy going to the beach- something that is familiar. This is good- you can hold on to what is familiar; your reality. Tell yourself you do know who you are you have your values. Keep venting without defending yourself. Hearing others try to compare you to someone else like the 73 year old woman who got a degree will not make YOU feel better. Try not to feel angry at yourself- it will not do you any good. You tried something and it did not work out the way you had planned. You now have your whole life ahead of you, and you do not have to make decisions all at once. Rumination I know can be painful, but in the end it takes too much energy. Instead of being angry at a "waste of time" look at this as a growing experience. Be kind to yourself, and do something besides work that you enjoy. Is there some kind of counseling in person that you can get so that you can furthur move to the present?
PS- You are not weak- you are strong. I wanted to say something. I have had my own set backs as I mentioned. Tomorrow I am going to volunteer at a senior center. Perhaps just doing something similar can help you get your mind off of the past and the what ifs that are not going to change no matter how hard you try. Again, be kind to yourself- you are a young, and intelligent person who has had adventures in life. Look at the travel you've done and the opportunities. Some day this will also be a positive in your life.
Again, there was a horrible mass shooting at a high school in FL USA- done by a former student who was expelled! Even fourteen year olds are dead. as well as some teachers. They loved these teachers.They have no future- and their families are grieving. It might not make you feel better, but now you are being given the chance to help shape young minds , nd to be an influence in how they see themselves, their self esteem and how they relate to others.
Yes I read something about it! It is really sad. I always try to help people but right now I can't cos I have no control of myself. I don't even know if one day I would want to finish with my life. I'm just very lost.
I hope those poor people find peace and can be happy again.
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it seems everybody has their own issues 
I wanna be free
i wanna write songsss
dont wanna do anything
