I've had enough..(trigger): I simply... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I've had enough..(trigger)

ellinaki profile image

I simply can't get passed my head that things will be ok..everyday I think of suicide cause I just want to end it all..I don't care about living when I'm dead from the inside..this is my make up for the last 30 years ..that's plenty of time for things to have changed around but I can only see it's gone and getting worse..I don't know how to change things..I am blessed with alot of things ..tried to appreciate it all, tried everything to help myself , to survive and hope but I'm losing it...when I fall asleep, I live in my dreams , it's the only time I'm in peace but lately my pain is felt in my sleep aswell...when I awake I crumble and I'm empty inside and my days are horrible..day in day out..I just want to end it all cause I really don't care anymore..I don't care for that little piece of happiness or calmness if any that may occur in this long lasting pain..id rather go without and just finish it here..I don't care anymore..I hate myself, I hate that I can't change things around. I hate my life..I hate this being..I hate always self talking myself..I hate talking to the higher force pleading for some help..I can't help myself..I don't know what I'm suppose to do..i have no clue how to live..feels like someone else is in control..feels like alot of things except happiness and peace..that's all I want..they say when one passes rest in peace and/or they're happy where they are now..so is that where it is?..I can't do it anymore here..thanks in advance

28 Replies

I hope you feel better soon ellinaki. Thanks for reaching out. How can we help? I hate that feeling but it will pass. Have you seen a doctor or therapist lately? How can I help?

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to

Thanks ..by listening you've helped..I've tried all but nothing helps..nothing passess

You are so beautiful and I’ve missed you so much and pray for you all the time... but yeah in my opinion no one really knows exactly what it will be like until the afterlife happens. I want so badly to know you are happy and have inner peace. You deserve everything good. You are such a fighter. I’m sad that you’re suffering so. I’m here for you. Please keep talking to us. We love you. ❤️

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to Starrlight

You always have my back..your always there for me..thank you so much

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to ellinaki

You are always there for me too and I always feel close with you even when it’s been a while since we’ve connected. I feel deeply blessed to know you. I’ll go to pm. There’s something I want to ask you.

ellinaki, my long time friend. I am quite taken back by your post. But after reading your posts back 2 and 3 years ago, I see a picture that I never realized existed. You and I have

chatted casually over the years but I never knew you were hurting so much and that makes me sad.

What do you want to change around? What are you looking for in life that you feel you

can't have? On the other hand, you say you are blessed with a lot of things. We are here

to help you help yourself.

Something is pushing you over the edge but this is not the time to give up. Sounds like you've been under a dark cloud for so long that you don't believe the sun will shine again.

But it will. Life changes all the time but we have to change with it. When we don't, we lose ourselves, our dreams, our passions in life. Sleep becomes a respite with no rewards.

I'm very concerned in how you are feeling right now and would like to see you call your doctor/therapist. Talk to me ellinaki. Giving up is never an option with me. When I believe in something or someone, I don't leave until the wrong is made right again. :) xx

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to Agora1

Hi Agora1..yes, when by passers see me they tell me how happy I look..I somehow mask things well you wouldn't guess..it's my inside that's dead, sad, miserable, self hate..i say I'm blessed cause I have my health, family, financially fit, physically well but I battle with my mental state to a point where I can't handle it like this all these years and with all the help I've tried my mind is stuck and is just eating away more and more of my life and I can't see to change it..all this self talk pleading out there for help and change, surrendering for happiness, I'd give up anything of me ,for that change and peace but I just see myself and the future worse , losing hope and in everlasting pain..yes, something may be pushing me over the edge , I don't know what it is and it's taking my lifes toll and I can't figure it out..its price is too high that I can't take it anymore ..I don't know what is required of me, what it wants me to do, I'll do it, but it's too stubborn and I feel defeated now..I don't know what to do in this torturous mental state..i don't want to keep living like this..thank you for being a long time friend..always think of you too and I recall our conversations and i know you are always here..

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to ellinaki

ellinaki, somewhere in your response is an answer. I say that because you have

a lot of the essential needs going for you including physical health. Mental Health,

emotional well being seems to be missing. Something is blocking you from achieving peace of mind and body. That is the key and whether it is done through extensive therapy, medications or other methods, you have more going for you than against you.

Just ask the people on this forum.

Keep coming back to the forum. It's your "me time" with us. It just takes one person's

advice or suggestion that may just turn your world around. You deserve to be happy.

I care my friend :) xx

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to Agora1

Yes..it's the emotional well being..just waiting for that turn around..thanks for caring

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to Agora1

I will read more on emotions..

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to ellinaki

ellinaki... you might want to try listening to these 2 videos on YouTube

"Emotional Healing - 10 min Guided Meditation"

When you have more time or preferably before bed, listen to

"Letting Go of the Emotional Pain - Hypnotherapy Session"

by Suzanne Robichard Masters in Clinical Hypnotherapy

Breathe :) xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Agora1

I just did the meditation and it brought me to a better place. I was overthinking and racing thoughts. A rush of many traumatic times played through my mind and were released into a healing box that the meditation suggested to place the events in. Amazing Ellinaki you must try... thanks beautiful Agora!

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Starrlight

I'm glad it helped you as well Starrlight..

I never suggest anything that I haven't tried myself and I have to agree

it put me in a comfortable place. :) xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Agora1

❤️ I think I’ll keep doing it from time to time, get used to releasing all the bad memories.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Starrlight

That is the key Starrlight.. using it over and over until you get the results you want.

Changing our mind set is not a "one time shot" :) xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Agora1

True. And I find that for me 10 minutes is a good length so that I’ll want to keep it up.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Starrlight

Absolutely a great way to go with a short meditation. They have 1 -3 -5 minute meditations as well. I use them when I need a quick fix to regenerate lol

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to Agora1

I'll do it tonight..before sleep in bed will be better for me...

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to Starrlight

I'll do it tonight..

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to ellinaki

I’m so happy! 😃

Let us know how it goes

This makes me want to cry, and I do often. I feel your pain and could have written that to a tee. I’m not sure how old you are, but I’m 35 and have struggled severely with anxiety and depression since childhood. This past year has been the worst I can remember. I am debilitatingly anxious from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed, and like you, I don’t have peace in my sleep anymore. I’m wrought with depression and feel like I have tried everything, and I’m still stuck. I’m on meds, see a counselor, have been taught countless techniques/skills to “overcome” or “cope” with my symptoms. It feels like a pointless never ending battle. Always having to try to think, distract, talk myself into a better place. The only reason I haven’t taken my life, is because I have two children, and can’t imagine what it would do to them. I keep hearing it will get better; and I will say it has in the past, but it seems more often than not, I’m struggling.I split with my son’s dad in January, and am still struggling so much with that. I and many others believe he is a narcissist, so not only am I trying to recover from the pain of the mental/emotional abuse, but he was also cheating. I loved him dearly and gave him the world, and our son. Even after all that, I still feel love for him, even though I chose to leave. I wouldn’t get back with him, but this is just adding to my already existing mental illnesses (which he used against me and made me feel flawed and inferior). But I think about him and our relationship constantly (exaggerated by my ocd, depression, and anxiety).

Sorry, I’m rambling, but my point is, I feel your pain and relate to your post completely. Feel free to direct message me anytime. Maybe together and with the support of all the great people here, we can find hope and peace, and even happiness.

Thanks for your reply..I feel you too..I'm 45..I think it's ok to still have feeling love for him..it's not about him, it's about you and that's a beautiful trait of yours to still have love for him or for anyone..just stinks though that we are weak to control this debilitating feeling we are going through..I know at the end it's up to us to control it but it is uncontrollable or at least I don't know how to control/ cope with it and it takes over and you would think after all these years we would have learnt somehiw at least, but no..big understanding hug to you..

You're not alone. I feel the same way. Hang in there. Things can change.

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to bonkers65

Thanks bonker65..I'll hang in there for the change..

bonkers65 profile image
bonkers65 in reply to ellinaki

Good

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to bonkers65

You hang in there too..we can do this..

bonkers65 profile image
bonkers65 in reply to ellinaki

ok

Big understanding hug back to you

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