Feel broken

[Pris1980]

So I have been going back and forth in my head this weekend trying to understand and make sense of the ruminating thoughts i have been struggling with. I battle with myself to not stay stuck in my head and focus only on myself but for some reason I have trouble letting go my selfish thinking. I have spoken to a few friends about these negative thoughts that I have and one told me to make a list of my good and bad traits and to celebrate the good. I tend to focus too much on the bad and I feel that's all people see. I feel I have to make sure I'm happy all the time so others will be happy too. I know that's not realistic bc life happens and no one is happy all the time. Another friend told me I need to dig deeper and heal my fear of loneliness and abandonment. When I heard that it resonated with me and now I feel like i have to figure out what has happened to me that has caused me to be so broken and wounded. Maybe i have held onto issues from my last or childhood that are still haunting me today?? I keep grasping at guys that I date to fill a void in my life and in my heart but it never works out. I can't look for happiness from a romantic partner. I just want to be happy and not feel worthless and unlovable. I feel like I'm desperately looking for love in all the wrong places. How do I find and give myself the love I know I deserve? How do I let go of these negative thoughts and feelings and not let them consume me ? How do i start healing?

[Aliftimago]

Pris1980 I wonder the same thing about every hour I am awake.....I read all the time that's it's about self love that leads to love in a romantic relationship but when one is suffering from depression that is the hardest thing in the world to do especially when you have triggers that bring back feelings inside you that you think should be gone even years later. It's hard. Might be easier for some but harder for others. But positive affirmation and positive people help in building that.

[Pris1980 in reply to Aliftimago]

Thank u for your kind words! Youe right I am working on loving myself and building my self confidence. I struggle with this daily and wonder how I can make it better. I have taken the time very recently to take a hard look at myself and try to figure out what I'm so deperatly in need of..?? I have the mindset that a romantic relationship will be the answer to my problems bc then I will feel useful and as if I serve a purpose. But that won't fix me. I keep thinking a guy will be able to give me the love and security I need and crave but it never works out that way. They can only fill a small void but I still feel empty inside and I'm trying to find what will fill that emptiness. I'm working on journaling my feelings and thoughts daily as well as keeping a gratitude journal each day. This seems to be helping bc my usual anxious feeling isn't as intense. It doesn't mean the thoughts aren't there but I just don't feel them as intensely as I did before. I think that's a step in the right direction. All I know is that I am making a daily effort and can only take it one day at a time while trying my best to live in the moment.

[Aliftimago in reply to Pris1980]

Good job! Baby steps in the right direction....I'm proud of you.