A day off with nothing to do but keep my mind busy. Days when I’m bored or have nothing to do I find myself racing with scenarios that are fake and overthinking little things that I know I need to combat with logic and reason and I just can’t come to battle those thoughts. I wish I could figure out how to manage that when days like that are here.
But today isn’t one of those days. I broke down last night for a bit, and told myself and my boyfriend that I’d be a “good egg” today. I’ve been in such a rut for weeks now that he’s mentally drained and I am too. I don’t know if it was me telling myself that out loud this morning or just my luck with the day, but it’s been a good day. I haven’t been entirely down on myself today, I’ve kept busy and just haven’t had those negative thoughts, luckily. I know those are in store for me tomorrow...
regardless, I worked out at home (since the gyms are all shut down), made sure I ate today so I can achieve my goals (overcoming an eating disorder and body dysmorphia for a few years now), I read (something I love to do but can’t because of my classes), I drew out a design for my next tattoo (not great but it can be made into exactly what I want by a true artist!), and I’ve been watching Harry Potter.
I even did my makeup, which I never do or wear as I prefer a bare face. But it really showed me that I too can look better like those “perfect” Instagram girls. Add makeup and BAM! Beautiful. That’s not to say I’m not without makeup, I prefer the makeup-less look, it lets me see the real me and show others it too. I just struggle to feel beautiful or see it, the majority of the time. But wearing It kinda made me think that I can and do compare to those girls I see online everywhere. Those thoughts of how I don’t compare or how little I am to them are irrelevant. Take their filters or surgery and makeup away, they’re just as normal as I am.
I’ve seen several things that trigger my negative thoughts on Instagram, but I just moved on or got off the app to get out of my head. I wish it was that easy when it’s just my thoughts, nothing to trigger me, but just my mind attacking me so I can just “log off” and shut down the thoughts. I know I need to focus more on that when that comes, be more aware and conscious.
This is kind of just a vent or update on me today. And also a question: how can I shut down my negative thoughts and overthinking on days when I can’t manage like I did today (because bad thoughts weren’t there today)?
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Scatteredtulips
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Can you look into a hobby that you will enjoy, that may help you feel more at peace and divert your negative thoughts.
I am retired and have plenty to do, we start sorting out the garden and Orchard tomorrow and prepare the deep beds for various crops. I am not saying you need a garden it is all to do with diverting those negative thoughts
Are there any parks for jogging or some other exercise that will help you over what is frankly a boring, concerning time where we are all at a loss
I hope you find something that diverts those negative thoughts, it is a shame you are unable to settle
Like our past property I am sure we had my Grandparents still there keeping an eye on us. We had a white terrier there and now we see him in the garden out the side of our eyes. We sit looking out the window and we see a white wisp for a few seconds, that is nice to have, He is going with me when I finally go. Our Pax sees Him sometimes when He is having His Lunch He growls and seems to be watching something
That is interestingly life strange and lovely to read. Sounds like you have a little white angel with you too. Loss makes me sad and I really don’t know but I hope we are together with all the people and pets we loved when we go. I seem to hang on to that.
I do this too! I always feel ugly until I put makeup on and then I think “hey I actually look pretty”. Like you said, not that I need it, but when comparing to others, those girls look like that because they have all that stuff on and if I do too I can look like that, I just choose not to. It feels fake.
Glad you had such a productive day and that it helped you.
Sounds like a fantastic day. Keep telling yourself you can do this. Get one hurdle out the way at a time. Small steps towards the bigger picture. And hopefully every day might seem that tiny bit brighter. I was told by a professional instead of thing “what if?” think “so what if?”
So what if this happens today. I’ll manage. Be around positive people too.They will pick you up
It’s amazing how your mood affects others. I’ve always liked my own company. Not so much since I had a massive anxiety breakdown a few weeks ago. It’s been building for weeks months maybe longer. I’m on medication which I started three weeks ago and the side effects were horrible. I had to be signed off work. First time in 11 years.
But I needed to cope. I was anxious about babysitting my grandson twice a week between my job and his mums (my daughter).
Well I’ve done two days this week. We survived. I don’t feel anxious. I’m sure I will. I’m sure there will be stressful days. But I’ll deal with them. Go for a walk. Find new toys. Try to enjoy.
You can do this. Believe it. All the best. Lisa xx
I’m definitely going to be trying that out today. Already need to. Terrible negative thoughts took over and spoke for me. Same thing I always do that upsets me and my boyfriend. Yesterday was so good I knew today would suck and I may not see him for a month because of his work and the Coronavirus. Terrible way to say goodbye for a bit.
It’s affecting everyone isn’t it. Scary. But try to find something positive. Even the smallest thing makes a little difference. Wishing you good luck xx
I am glad I read your post. Thank you. I need to try harder to get out of a rut. I’ve been totally staying in because I ‘ve had a head cold. This virus stuff made my whole world shut way down. The streets are empty and very quiet around me and this has given me the feeling that I have all the time in the world, which I really don’t.
Soon I need to make my self presentable and hope to venture out for walks. I am feeling better. I need exercise.
It’s funny but as I have gotten older, I don’t like to wear make up. I never wore much but now just keeping in shape and being healthy is sufficient for me. I look fine.
I’m so glad it helped you! Nothing but the best to you as well
What can we do if things go the way we wished, yes it is all very frightening although sometimes we are put on this earth to learn and accept the pathway given to us. This is the University of life and we are put on earth to study, what has gone before, and learn from the Life we are passing through now. Yes we can worry, also be frightened on what may happen to us. The odds something will happen to us is slight, Life of course is a risk, We were put here on that understanding I suppose, so we need to move on and life out our time on this earth.
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