Racing thoughts/feel alone

[Miracle7]

Hello everyone, I am new. I had my first baby 7 months ago. Two weeks later, I had a panic attack. Now everyday I'm anxious. Not a day goes by that I feel good or happy. I'm scared all the time. I even tell myself that it feels like something is wrong with me and that leads to panic. I cannot seem to control it no matter how hard I try. I feel so unhappy right now. But I have so much to be thankful for. I have a husband and baby to live for. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be here... like it's too much. These racing thoughts are too much. Sometimes it feels like I can't focus or concentrate. I feel like I'm crazy and have a serious mental illness. I'm afraid of being put on medication or being admitted to the psychiatric ward. I don't want to spend my life on meds or on the psych unit due to me not being able to control my thoughts. I don't want to live like that. I feel so alone. Like no one can help because they can't change my mind or thinking. I don't know what to do anymore. All I want to do is cry. There's nowhere to run. I tell myself horrible things for no reason... like "it'll never get better" "your crazy" "just panic".... over and over all day. I just can't deal anymore

[lhortiz]

I feel your pain sweet friend. I went through the same thing. I had to learn not to say those things to myself because it does get better. The thoughts we give credence to will continue to surface until we passively dismiss them as untrue. The hardest part is passively accepting the symptoms until the nervous system is no longer hyper stimulated which in my case will take awhile but I not a quitter and don't you give up. It is not a life sentence but a temporary issue that will resolve if you do the right work. Good Luck! You have a great life to look forward to!

[Miracle7 in reply to lhortiz]

Thanks you so much for responding! You give me hope. Did yours start after you had a baby or no? Are you in therapy?

[lhortiz in reply to Miracle7]

No. What happened was, I had a baby at the age of 43. My husband and I had been married only a year and a half. I had been struggling with depression before I got pregnant but after the baby was born I went into full blown postpartum depression to the point that I could barely care for my baby. When she was 3 months old my husband served divorce papers. I left the house, not taking my little one with me as I could not care for her. I started getting better shortly after, probably due to my hormones normalizing, but my husband was angry with me and when I wanted to see her he would withhold her from me. I felt incompetent as a mother because of the depression and no matter what I did it wasn't good enough for him. He began saying terrible things to me and threatening me as well as continuing to withhold her from me. To make a long story short I developed a terrible fear of him and suffered from guilt because I wasn't able to take care of her full time. This man was abusing me. That is when the anxiety kicked in. I was worrying obsessively over this whole thing. that's what brought on the anxiety.

As far as your concerned, having a baby is a life altering thing. You may have had some stressor due to the actual birthing process or your thoughts of being a new mother. At any rate, a panic attack is extremely scary and it could be you were reading too much into the attack and becoming obsessed about your health afterwards and thats what started the anxiety. The hormonal changes in addition probably compounded the problem.

The great thing is that you can recover from this completely. Though the anxiety is very uncomfortable and the symptoms such as racing thoughts are disconcerting you can recover by recognizing that it is only a hyper stimulated nervous system that needs to be brought back to normal functioning. You do that through relaxation, passively accepting the symptoms so as not to continue alarming yourself and reminding yourself that it will pass and you are not mentally ill or going crazy. It is just the nervous system has been hyper stimulated.

Go to "anxietycentre.com" and you can learn about your condition in depth and if needed, contact one of the therapists on the sight. Everyone of the therapists on anxietycentre.com has experienced debilitating symptoms such as ours and has recovered fully.

I am currently in recovery and am using the strategies on the sight to help me.

Best of luck to you sweet friend!

[Miracle7 in reply to lhortiz]

Omg that is terrible! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that! He didn't understand what you were going through. You loved your baby no matter what. People need to have patience and compassion. I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope everything is better now. And I so happy to hear that you are recovering and doing much better. That's gives me hope. I have a husband who is very supportive, thank god. But he relieves some of my anxiety by telling me that I can't go to the psych ward for panic attacks... only if I want to harm myself or others. And that is not my case thankfully. He is a nurse and works on the psych unit. I am trying my best to get better. Thank you for sharing. Please stay in touch. And I will too. And I'm going to check that site out. Thank you!

[lhortiz in reply to Miracle7]

Thank you dear one. He is a very ugly person but I thank God that I don't have to deal with him anymore. We are 600 miles apart. My little girl will be 12 years old this year so that pain has faded.

I've been on the psych ward and it is really no fun.

Good job on sticking to your recovery and that you have a wonderful husband is a bonus!

Yes! Lets stay in touch.

[Miracle7 in reply to lhortiz]

And another thing.. when I feel like "oh I feel good, I'm not anxious" all of a sudden I become anxiety ridden. Like feeling anxious is normal and not feeling anxious is abnormal

[lhortiz in reply to Miracle7]

I know what that feels like. What I say to myself when I deal with that is that it is going to be a bumpy road but I'm going to get there. I haven't always been like this and I will be anxiety free once again. Yay!!!!!!

[blossomgirl]

Hi I too feel/felt the same. It could be postnatal depression. I cried for 3 years as my husband was at sea and I had 3 children to raise by myself. It will get better and makes u stronger. Try to think of each moment and not the future as that's what makes me anxious the fear of unknown. I make up things in my head to worry about and it's not helping. You can always talk to us 👍

[mysmugcat in reply to blossomgirl]

This was my thought as well. I suggest seeing your doctor for help and good luck OP.

[Miracle7 in reply to blossomgirl]

And another thing.. when I feel like "oh I feel good, I'm not anxious" all of a sudden I become anxiety ridden. Like feeling anxious is normal and not feeling anxious is abnormal

[denver76]

I haven't read the other comments so I may be repeating someone else. To me it sounds like OLD, but I'm not a Dr. I have 5 children, it took 9 mos. for me to be diagnosed with POD after my second baby. I feel your pain, it was excruciating. I know you don't want to take medication, but you may not have to be on it forever. Just long enough to get over the hump and wean off. I had it with 3 of my 5, fortunately after the first time I recognized the symptoms. It does get better and know you are not alone. My children range in age from 24-7 and also now have a beautiful Grandson. So just remember this temporary. ease talk to your Dr. There is no shame in it, just crummy hormones. Lots of love to you, you'll get through it.

[Miracle7 in reply to denver76]

Oh thank you so much for responding! I love to hear that it gets better! It makes me feel much better, especially from people who went through it or dealing with it! It makes me feel that I'm not going crazy and alone. Thank you so much. Please stay in touch. I'm 28, just got married a year ago and had my first baby in February of this year

[Anxiety33]

It could be post partum blues do to your hormones after having a baby , or anxiety , definitely talk to your doctor , sometimes a low dosage of anti anxiety can change your world !!!

[Clarebear86]

Thank you for sharing this. I can relate so much to what you have said and it helps me to know there are other people who feel and think the same way, when you have all but convinced yourself you are alone and no one will ever understand what you are going through.

[Hidden]

HI dear, it sounds like you may be dealing with Post Partum Depression? I had that after having my baby too. Maybe start to research the symptoms online and see if they match how you are feeling. Maybe ask your doctor about it. Having a baby causes MANY BIG changes to your body and mind. With time, and care, you can get better! My baby is almost 13! LOL. And BTW, Congratulations! ; )