The breakup has led me to such a bad condition.

[vanessi]

This is the first depression that has made me feel very very sad and also very ill. For me it is not enough to stand my sadness, anxiety and depression, apart of that i feel i am getting ill easily. I don't know if all that has something to do with the breakup

1. First of all i started having so many headaches during the week, i am not a woman that have them so often.

2. Then i got the period and i am so regular but i have had it for almost 2 weeks and it always lasts a week or less.

3. Two nights ago my tummy was on pain i couldn't sleep so much. At the next day i barely ate. Just smelling food made me feel so sick.

4. Last night i got the cold and right now i have a little bit of sore throat.

5. And today i feel like crying so much like an inconsolable cry.

I have been under so much stress the last 2 months since the breakup because i didn't have a job and the money was running out, now i got a job but it is not enough i work only 2 hours every day and i really need more money for living. I have sent cvs since Nov last year and they only called me for my current job.

It also freaks me out if i get a full-time job and don't be able to keep it cos my depression and the anxiety attacks and i would have to force myself cos i wouldn't have any option.

it stresses me out that i am gonna turn 24 and still don't know what i am gonna do with myself and my life. I don't wanna realise one day i have wasted so much time of my life and haven't done anything.

Depression is killing me every day more, i don't feel better, i am getting very ill, nothing makes me happy. i still have thoughts of my ex all day long and blame myself for everything that is happening.

Do you think all this depression, anxiety and stress are affecting my health?

It's the very first time that a breakup leads me to such a bad condition.

HELP!!!

[Hidden]

I don't think it's affecting your health..and that's just from my experience..anyway, just let things unfold for you..What is meant for you won't go past you..patience is a virtue..learn from your mistakes if you think it's your fault re your relationship..there's a time for everything..and everything happens for a reason..Just trust me..don't chase love..it will find its way to you..your ex is exactly that..you were meant to cross paths..Its not his fault in the way you offer your love..you can give love whichever way you want/feel..No ones taking the love you have for him away from you..you can still love him as long as you want..but if your feeling pain, then how much of it is real love?..ask yourself..and then, ask yourself, what is love...I don't think your suffering cause you love him, there's more to it..stop doing this to yourself and correct your self..you will see the beauty of love once you start loving yourself too..I feel you and this will pass with time..it will be ok..

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

I have read that stress can affect my period for example, as well getting headaches, cramps, etc. I am not sure due my depression and anxiety and stress caused by the breakup is now affecting my health. I have never been through this kind of depression. I just can't control it.

Now talking about love I do love him, I never felt this feeling as strong as I do. He is the love of my life and we had many plans together, this is a big loss, it is like he were dead. I might never see him nor talk again.

I had everything and all was taken by him.

Thank you for replying tho

[Hardlookcap in reply to vanessi]

I have experienced physical symptoms from trauma like you explain. I believe our mind can be so powerful that it does effect our physical health at times. For example: just thinking of something traumatic actually DOES raise your blood pressure and heart rate. I think maybe you’re grieving. It’s very hard when life takes a sudden turn. You have to learn how to live again ... just like when someone passes away, we never get over it, we learn to cope and live with their absence. There’s a quote that says something like ... grieving a death is awful but grieving the loss of someone who still walks the earth is too. I know that at this moment you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel of what you’re feeling ... you have to listen to someone and take their word that it does exist that you have to keep pushing forward. We live almost robotically ... we eat not tasting just because you know your body needs it, we make ourselves do our makeup and hair even tho maybe someone won’t even see us that day... you have got to force yourself to do the motions and I promise your brain will catch up. I promise!

[vanessi in reply to Hardlookcap]

That quote is so true and thank you for bringing it out. That is how I feel, some ppl think I'm overreacting and I shouldn't feel like that for a breakup but as I always say he was not a guy I was dating, he was my man, the man I chose to spend the rest of my life, to have a family, to be together in good and bad moments. We were engaged. Anyway he has taken all my happiness and my life. Now I live miserably.

[Hardlookcap in reply to vanessi]

The best revenge is to become happy yourself. It’s a journey. This is your opportunity to build a better you. If your happiness depends so heavily on another... sometimes that’s a sign that we need to do work within ourselves. Take time to go through your feelings... just don’t unpack and live there in that mourning phase. Always here for venting if needed. Hang tough!

[vanessi in reply to Hardlookcap]

I get your point! I was so hurt and still am so I had to put a barrier cos my ex wanted to keep in touch.

I just realised how much was hurting and that I had to recover, to think and work of myself so I could be ok again. At the moment I'm only thinking and worrying about me. I haven't achieved anything, I even feel worse than before. I'm feeling loneliness, sadness, disappointment, guilt, stress, anxiety, illness. I hope one day sun shines again for me

[HearYou in reply to vanessi]

vanessi, Please stop blaming him. That takes all the power from you. Be angry if you want...but not at him. You are healthy, .lovely, have two good hands, a voice, write well, and can work and a place to live. Time to put your big girl clothes on and "survive", Take care of yourself and figure out what you are going to do to move on. If you keeping surviving, you win in life. It is a hard thing to face, but life is a gift and you have to work and move on to have life tomorrow. It is a hardscrabble world, it is not easy. You cannot just give up because a man decided the two of you would not be a good couple. Your life is more important than moping over a man that is gone. You are not a widow. PLease turn your focus around. You are VANESSI, and you are heading into a future you would never imagine. You have got to have faith that what all of us are telling you. xxx

[vanessi in reply to HearYou]

I don't blame him, I don't hate him and I still moping cos I STILL LOVE HIM that's smth that no one is gonna change no matter how many times people say that to me. Maybe you work differently about love, maybe you can get over it and move on very easily, or maybe you have never loved someone with same strength, I don't know.

No one can understand my relationship completely because they were not on my shoes.

That man as you call him was more than a guy i was dating, I'm not a widow but we were engaged. Why people gets irritated because I love someone. My life was complete and happy, with many plans ahead, I had everything I wanted. This made me feel very insecure and worried about what I really want in life now, i can't have my old plans cos they were designed with him. It took me years to make them and feel good. I can't do that in 2 months.

I just see days passing and hoping I can feel better again. This took me down in a different level

[HearYou]

vanessi, so sorry you are still feeling all this and hung up on it. All I can do is to assure you that a broken heart is really that. A BROKEN HEART. It can take a very long time sometimes to heal one of those, and everyone deals with a broken heart differently. You're going to eventually be alright. You are in what people in the South call "hardscrabble"......a very hard time all the way around and you have to learn in your own way how to deal with it.

Believe everyone I have ever known has had a "hardscrabble" time when almost nothing was going right. Just hang in, "hardscrabble" up the hill, while all the gravel is making you slide down and you're just holding on not to lose ground. You will come out of this, and when you do you will be a much stronger woman. Just hang in, just hang in. XXX

[vanessi in reply to HearYou]

That's what I try but it is very hard sometimes. I feel like every day I'm getting worse, I feel desperate and hopeless. I don't see any improvement