Fighting for LIFE

[SocialAnxietyBlue]

It started 3years ago but last year I officially was diagnosed with depression, Anxiety, social anxiety, intrusive thoughts, phobia related ocd. I’m 30 years old, female who was once full of life. This is ruining my life in all aspects. I have tried therapy and meds. I seemed to be getting better but I didn’t like being on meds. I switched jobs and had no insurance and it’s like I took steps back. I constantly feel the need for reassurance but it’s embarrassing. And I have really been contemplating other negative thoughts. I just want to be free. The pain I feel and the impact on my self esteem is just progressing.

[Jeff1943]

Anxiety disorder is a perfectly normal reaction for everyone when we reach anxiety overload. Then the symptoms of anxiety disorder make themselves known including social anxiety, intrusive thoughts and phobias. Then we can get depressed about having anxiety disorder. All a perfectly normal reaction, you are not alone.

May I suggest you ask yourself what has caused your anxiety disorder in the first place. If you can identify that and neutralise it then your anxiety overload will disperse, your over sensitised nervous system will return to normal and you will recover your quiet mind and all those symptoms will resolve.

So I say again: what has got you into this state: over work, toxic relationships, loss, disappointment, grief, regret and money worries are some of the usual suspects.

You must be ruthless in dealing with what is causing your distress because your whole happiness is at stake. But be assured you are perfectly normal and your present anxieties would have the same effect on anybody else in your situation.

I hope you have early success in protecting yourself from those things that are at the root of your problems.

[Heather_Oz in reply to Jeff1943]

What if you can’t pinpoint what it is? If it’s just everything.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Heather_Oz]

Then do something that changes everything.

[jesca18]

I’m a 30 year old female and I am dealing with the same. Reading your post.. sounds so much like me.

We can be friends if you’d like and get through this together *hugs*

[mvillarreal]

How come you didn't want to be on meds? Were they not helpful? Were there side effects?

[Hidden]

Same. I was able to go off my meds for 7 years then had to start back about a year ago. It’s not what I wanted but idk how I’d be ok with out them. No they do not make me happy or feel good but they get me through my days.

[Want2BHappy3]

All those things you mention that is result of anxiety depression. Try change your medication

[art62grammie]

Do not let those negative thoughts take control. We all are human and our mind is a complicated thing. We fight with our minds. When negative thoughts take over we can have the ability to stand up to them. I know too well from experience. As a forty years of Anorexia and just recovering. I know the eating disorders voices are manipulation games in my head. I have been in treatment for over six years now. I am recovering very well day by day. I know it will always be a daily process forever. I wake up each day with the ability to go to war with my mind. This is what my treatment has done for me. I too hate medication. I have been on a very low dose of Sertraline for over 6 years. It is a great drug for PTSD and food obsession. I continue treatment with my doctor every 3 months. This is keep in tact with life. I have given my mental doctors a very big hug for giving me life after 56 years. I will say to you. Be strong and when the road gets rough do not give up. KEEP ON DRIVING. There is not human on earth that does not have issues in their lives in some form. We all do. Some are worse than others. We here in this group come together and unite as one. An army stands a much better chance of winning the battle if more soldiers. So I look at this group as a big army. One big army of great soldiers to keep the faith and hope. To uplift and support each others. We are undefeatable. We must believe in ourselves first. We are just as human as the guy next door. We each one are different. We do not care what issues the other has as far as judging them. We do not judge. We just accept that person for who they are. They are beautiful and wonder people. We all have a great group here. We are not alone. So you be strong and we are all here for you. Live and let the negative thoughts move on down the road. All these things I am saying to you. They are a reminder that I myself must do daily to stay recovered from a lifetime of my past illness. Love you and hang in there.

[NadiaB]

Intrusive thoughts are terrible to deal with! ...Keep your head up. Take it day by day.

[SocialAnxietyBlue]

I did pinpoint it. I want to just tell my truth with no judgement. Please don’t judge me!

I was extremely overworked at my job at that time. And was experiencing anxiety from the workload but didn’t quite pinpoint it until after another situation.

I went to a concert and I swear to you everyone had this disgusted face and were uncomfortable around me. Like my breathe smelled really bad. Now my fiancé tells me it doesn’t. But I could see and feel the reactions. It happened two days in a role at the same festival. I drank tons of water but felt like my mouth was so dry.

After that experience, I was so self conscious. My mind just stuck to this thought. For the past 2 years I have stopped being my talkative self. I’m scared if I breathe or talk, someone would be so offended.

I’ve had other little instances. I brush like crazy, floss, you name it. My purse is filled with gum, mints, mouthwash.

My dentist says I don’t have bad breathe. But anytime I’m too close to someone I feel like they’re bothered or uncomfortable. It causes me to be anti social. It caused me to literally stop going out. It also had me asking my fiancé for reassurance everyday by letting me blow in their face. Even family. It was a crutch.

I’m so depressed and think of suicide because it’s not a way to live. I had so much self confidence, even when I wasn’t. I was a social butterfly.

When I went to therapy, it helped but the thoughts were still there. If I hear someone laugh, I think it’s about me. If I hear someone make a comment about gum or stuff like that, it puts me on edge.

I want my old life. I think I’m a beautiful woman at age 30. But who wants to have your breath introduce you first?!

Although people say I don’t, I feel like maybe I do? I watch what I eat to avoid all those lingering foods.

I get so focused on making sure people aren’t talking about me, that I can’t focus. It’s too much.

I’m depressed about all of it. I don’t know how to cope.

I feel like I’m crazy. It’s embarrassing. And it’s a circle of feelings every day.

This can’t be why god put me on earth? To suffer?

[Jeff1943 in reply to SocialAnxietyBlue]

Clearly and without shadow of a doubt you do not have bad breath. Throw away your mouthwash symbolically as disposing of this false idea.

The overwork some time ago most likely started off your anxiety and obsessions and even though that cause may be long gone it sensitised your nervous system. Once sensitised your anxiety is self perpetuating until the vicious circle is broken: anxiety causes further nervous sensitisation which cause further symptoms which cause further anxiety which causes further nervous sensitisation which causes further symptoms. And on and on it rolls.

What you call strange thoughts Claire Weekes called obsession and dealt with in her first book 'Self help for your nerves' u.k. edition and 'Hope and help for your nerves' u.s. edition. No book has done more to help people find respite and recovery - available from Amazon new or used for the price if a box of chocolates. Worth considering.

[Jeff1943]

Claire Weekes wrote that you overcome your obsessions (as with all the symptoms of anxiety disorder) by stopping fighting them. Fighting only causes more stress and tension. Instead accept the obsessions for the time being. Accept them completely knowing you have the understanding and reassurance that they are false ideas caused by sensitive nerves.

The more you accept them FOR THE MOMENT the less you will fear them. It is fear that fuels your anxiety and your obsessive thoughts. When you accept the symptom totally then fear resolves and you and your nervous system return to normal.

As BeeVee, a great teacher, wrote on this forum some time ago: Learn to live with your anxiety and you will soon live without it.