I feel so lost and scared

It's been almost five months since the breakup. I still have bad days when I feel like the floor is sinking beneath me. Sometimes I wish it did so I don't have to deal with this. I started a job and also work on weekends so I keep myself busy. But when silence hits I feel like I can't breathe.

Today I was playing with my phone and found media shared between me and my ex on WhatsApp which I forgot to delete when I deleted other things. They were photos mostly, of our last holiday together which was in August last year. Lots of pictures of my engagement ring and wedding stuff. I looked happy. But also dotted through were pictures of my wounds and bruises because I used to hurt myself. But mostly happy pictures. It was hard to look at.

Last weekend I kissed a guy and feel miserable and lonely. I'm going on a date this weekend and I feel like I just can't do it. I'm afraid I might start crying in front of this guy. I find myself seeking love in my friends because I feel like I can't be with someone who doesn't know the hell I've been dragged through. I feel like I don't have the energy to connect with a stranger anymore. They don't know the pain I have gone through. How will they ever love all of me?

[HearYou]

Well, if you're not ready to date, you simply are not ready to date. Don't need to push it. And a broken heart can mend but it needs time. And of course you are hurting inside from the breakup, that's rather normal. It's one day at a time. Then another day, and another day, and soon there is a week. You are concentrating on your mental health and staying active, and that's great. Applaud yourself. Maybe it's time to have a checkup with your treating doctor or therapist if you have one. And there is always going to be someone here somewhere in the world to "listen" to you.

[howard327 in reply to HearYou]

Those were wise words from Hear You. We are here to listen to you and help when we can.

[howard327 in reply to howard327]

Hear You

You demonstrate xlnt insight and portray it very well with your words. Keep it up!