Today I just got this feeling inside of me were I feel lifeless like I can't find my way out of this hole it's dark and I scared and nervous. I feel like the world has nothing for me anymore. Right now I have no cell phone, job, or car and I just feel so lost on where to go or even what to do with myself I have been looking for a job it just seems like nothing is coming through for me I just don't know I so scared that my life will end up being nothing and I will never be as happy as I once was before I tried to take my life and before the hospital. IM SO LOST !!!!!!!
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Songlyric
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I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.
But I understand. Sometimes it just feels so overwhelming but just remember that it can’t rain all of the time. Hang in there and sending good vibes your way 🖤
I understand that life is looking rough for you. Someone once told me that “sometimes god takes away things you never expected to lose but he will replace it with something you never imagined you could have”. I don’t know your whole situation, but I’ve seen this saying in action. I’ve lost things and but had faith and have gotten so much more in return. These are material things and that can be replaced. I hope you find the peace you need.
Hi Songlyric, I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering so badly.
Before reading on can you please answer a question? Do you feel safe? You can answer to yourself if you want but maybe a good way to rate yourself is to do it on a scale of 1 (very unsafe) to 10 (very safe). If it’s low (say below a 5) then just read the next paragraph then take action...if high enough that you feel safe then read on but please get the help you deserve. You’ve been fighting a long time I can tell and you deserve to feel like (at a minimum) there is a plan to get you back on track to feeling better.
If you are feeling unsafe and really in crisis the first thing to do is if you are near a phone and can call someone you know that will help, call 911 or if you can get to a nearby a hospital or urgent care then just go there. I did it - went to the ER and demanded help. Or Call 1-800-273-TALK before you do anything else. But reach out to someone, anyone and tell them you’re not feeling safe. Will you do this for me? Just like posting on this site - reaching out is the most important thing you can do. I promise you won’t regret it. Get to someone who can help make sure you are safe (preferably a health care professional) and can not only take care of you but get you the relief that you need and deserve, so you can breathe for a minute and then we’ll figure out where to go from there. And don’t take no for an answer. That’s the only thing you need to worry about doing right now. Not a phone, not a job, not a car... YOU are all matters right now. If something goes wrong or for some reason they cut you loose and push you back into the cold dark unknown then message us back and we’ll help you come up with a different way to go. We’re here for you. Please keep posting to let us know you’re ok and safe! We’ve been where you are and we care!
If you’re still reading this part then you must feel safe. Good I’m glad! First of all, I’m so proud of you for posting. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. And you are doing the right thing, believe it or not. You are not alone and we are here for you! It sounds like your journey has been long and very difficult. And it’s understandable that you feel the way that you do, it really is. In my own personal way I know that feeling. My whole reality was swallowed up by hopelessness and darkness and I just couldn’t see a way out or even imagine that there was one. The pain inside just stripped away all my vitality and I couldn’t imagine how it would be possible to go on. My life totally sucked!! And Even the most menial things seemed like they took the effort of climbing Mount Everest and no matter what I did nothing seemed to work out for me. There was always an elephant on my chest, my limbs were always stuck in molasses and I was in physical pain literally all of the time. It felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulders with me everywhere I went and I wanted out so badly. I couldn’t even believe I had made it that far after so many months of carrying that weight. It was so awful. I was a tangled twisted mess inside and I had no clue how I was going to unravel the whole thing let alone work through it all once untangled. I felt that being as happy as I was before i lost everything and my life was flipped upside down seemed totally impossible. Thinking about all of the things I had lost and how far off happiness seemed was my whole entire reality. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
The darkest places are the absolute scariest ones to be in, but I want you to know that you are not alone. And it sounds like you have been there before and maybe for awhile since then and I cannot imagine how hard it must feel to try and get up from that dark place another time. I know you are suffering, but we really are here for you! You have a purpose and your life is worth something - there is a reason you are still here. And you know how I know that? You’re still breathing. And even better yet you found and are posting on this site! And I for one am so proud of you for fighting! And for continuing to fight! It’s a freaking battle. It’s so incredibly amazing that you made it as far as you have - what a strength and courage you have in you to have made this far. I know I couldn’t have made it like you have! You are such a miracle and so is your life. And I am here to tell you that there is help and there is hope, if you just keep fighting for your life. I know it’s impossible to see it right now and Im guessing you are so exhausted, but I absolutely promise you there is a flicker of light in even the coldest darkness and that it will grow brighter. And even though I didn’t really feel or particularly believe it myself I just kept telling myself that things had to change eventually, and telling myself that if I didn’t keep fighting I’d never get to find out how it would all turn out. Plus how could it stay that bad forever? Even though I couldn’t see how it could get better, the thought of it never getting better seemed almost just as impossible. And I found out later that it turned out to be true - that it could and did start to get better. It was slow sure, and I’m still recovering but each day I’m progressing. I want this so badly for you, but you’re going to have to hang in there with us ok? We’re here for you and I know you’ve got this.
I don’t know if this will be helpful for you but for me one of the first things I did was to give myself a LOT of space to start to try climb back up from bottom, but that decision was the most important decision I have ever made in my life because it literally saved my life. I tried to strip away everything in my mind that I was looking at as being terrible about my life so I could focus just on myself and my mental health. I tried to just accept that my life sucked ass and that I hated it but I also told myself that no matter how bad it was that my life sucking was only temporary and that I only had to accept it for a while (as hard as it seemed to do). That at some point it would eventually have to get better. Once I did that and sort of temporarily let go of hating my life, it took some of the pressure off. At least enough to give me a little space that I needed. I just focused on surviving each day, literally fighting for my own life. But I realized I needed to fix myself before any of the stuff I wanted could happen. Depression is like any other disease in that you have to treat it first and give time, space, focus and energy for your brain to heal before you can jump into “the real world”. I had to learn to stop wasting energy trying to fix myself by chasing all the extrinsic stuff I thought I needed to be happy and “better” - turned out it was all just a fools errand anyways. It’s like this, If you fracture your leg you can’t keep walking around on it, you have to go to the hospital and get the bone set by a doctor and get a cast for it. And you don’t just walk out of the hospital, you have to crutch or wheel yourself out and you can’t put weight on it for a few weeks. And people have to carry your stuff for you cause you dont have the strength or ability, so you have to trust others to lean on them and let them take care of you so you can take some of the pressure off yourself. Then slowly you get back to walking, etc, etc. The brain is the same way, only much more complicated and waayyy more difficult to treat. But in order to in order to fix it you need the right treatment, you need time and space to recover and you also need to others to help carry your stuff for a while. And believe it or not those people are out there to help you. A lot of them have suffered or are suffering just like you too. I know because I’m one of them and because I’ve found so many others unexpectedly on my own journey - even the woman who cuts my hair! But realizing I needed to fix my brain first before all
the other stuff was an important realization for me.
So what I did is so I started to break it down into the littlest tiny baby steps I could think of. Step one, get some relief. My brain was on fire and I needed to be able to just breathe for a second. Are you on any medicine? If not maybe try to just consider it as a possibility and try keep an open mind to to it. Again baby steps here - I’m not trying to force you into anything. People tried to do that to me and it only made me more reluctant. But eventually it became a decision I didn’t have a choice on, but it did give me relief and it was relief I don’t think I could have gotten just on my own. It didn’t fix my thoughts (the brain is very powerful and can play tricks and lie to us a lot) but it did help my mood - I’ll Never forget the first time feeling ok even though I was still a tangled mess inside. It was like when you’re sick and congested for weeks and then one morning you wake up and everything is clear and dried up. And you can breathe again! And you never appreciated being able to breathe as much as those first couple of breaths. And that was exactly how I felt. I could finally breathe for a minute. And I guess if I had been more open to it earlier on I could have saved myself time and pain. And if you are already on meds then clearly they aren’t helping you like you need them to, so again maybe keep an open mind to trying something different? I don’t know what your situation is though, maybe you’ve tried a bunch already or you don’t have easy access to meds. If you want to private message me I can see if I can help you with coming up with a solution to help navigate yourself towards some relief. You deserve it my friend. I can’t offer medical help of course, but however I can help you I will. From there, there is a course out of the darkness and it’s different for everyone and it takes commitment to yourself, but we are here to help you navigate and to find that path. Whether you realize it or not you are already starting to do the work and help is not far away, so keep posting as long as you want or need and I’m sure people will chime in with all sorts of ways to help you find that right path for you. We are your partners in this and you are not alone on this road!! And if none of this resonates for you, then message me back and I’ll just keep throwing stuff out there for you until something sticks. Whatever works...that’s my motto and I promise you will find something that works for you. And that one day soon you’re going to be pulling out your new phone in your new car on the way to your new job (I believe in my heart these things will be yours) and maybe you’ll hop on this forum to see what people are saying and think about the best decision you ever made...to keep fighting. I was where you are and now I’m here...just from reading your post I’m thinking to myself “Well this person is way more courageous than I am, so if I can do it surely they can do it too!” Please keep posting to let us know how you’re doing! We’re counting on you!
I should have also mentioned that there are a ton of different tools, resources and options that can help depending on where you’re at and what your preferences are and how open minded you are about getting healthy. We might have to get a little creative but help is out there and I’m also happy to help you research different options that are right for you or fit whatever you prefer as long as you’ll stay committed to getting better first (yes car, job, phone are pieces of the puzzle but they may not be the most important things to focus on right now). Do you talk to a therapist/social worker or anyone like a counselor? Have you ever looked into partial hospitalization programs or IOPs as an option? There are also books and videos online that can be helpful. Before I set out to rebuild my life I had to spend some time working just on me first. Therapy and partial hospitalization have really helped to not only bring me to realizations that unlocked a lot of doors but learning CBT and DBT and a few other coping skills have really helped give me the tools that psychoanalysis might never have gotten me. There are options out there though. It’s just not easy to figure out what they are or what might work best for you. Ultimately it’s a decision you have to make for yourself but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone in exploring or weighing the options. This forum can be a good sounding board for that too! Lots of helpful people if you just ask for it!
OMG!! Mjmurph05 So much of what you wrote resonated with ME!! I’m still struggling and trying so hard to figure out my life!! You are so supportive & inspiring!! I so want to be happy again some day🙏🏻💕
Hi Songlyric! Cool username. I know it’s hard not to but ... please don’t get down on yourself for your past actions! Can I share something with you? I once had a situation where I self medicated till the point I went into a coma. Luckily and thank God for doctors, nurses, and the graces of God I woke up. I hated myself for what happened and thought how the hell will I ever get by in life? I did bad in High School, graduated late and I don’t know your age but it wasn’t until my late 20s till early thirties I finally got my life together, a steady job, cellphone, my own car, no joke! It took all of my strength and know how to to accomplish small things but I did just that, worked on small things. If you survived one hardship you can survive others and accomplish many things. Even happiness beyond what you felt before, but I’m not going to lie to you, in order to so you will you have to learn to laugh at some of your mistakes, learn to forgive yourself and learn to let the past be the past.
No problem! I hope I did not come off sounding a little preachy and if I did I am sorry my heart goes out to you and your situation! For what it’s worth I have faith in you and I have witnessed incredible turn arounds in people, it happens and I am going to send some good vibes your way.
You are doing a great job by talking to this group. They are wonderful - no judgement, nurturing, experienced, and knowledgeable. I have watched my son battle depression and anxiety for 8 years now. I am so proud of all he has gone through and has fought his way back. He was in such a bad place numerous times. He has been to the bottom and back many times. And it has NOT been an easy road for him. He isn't back to his happy life yet, but he is making great strides with his small victories. I am grateful to this group for helping me learn more and understand depression. I have grown to love them all! Please be patient with yourself. You are loved. Try to do one thing today that makes you happy, and one thing that is difficult for you. You can always PM me to chat! I'm here.
Do what you feel you need to do. Stop caring about your problems, as bothers only will make you less focused.
You obviously can write and speak. That already is above homeless bum. So.. what other skills you have? Or perhaps passions? Do those. What else is there to say...
Everyone has their own wants and needs, so path is unique for everyone. If you feel money is your main problem, and not following dreams, teach yourself how to earn. Start by asking entrepreneurs, sellers, watching youtube about how to earn with nothing in pocket. etc. It all works, just takes time and courage.
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Can anyone help me?
Can anyone relate? Feeling so lost. Hopeless
I FEEL LOST. . .
Have I lost my emotions? Or am i just numb?
Hi, I am new and today is my birthday, but I am still so depressed.
