New here: Anxious, depressed, stay at home mom

[kjayness]

I'm just sitting here trying to figure out where to start. My struggle with anxiety goes back so far.

I am 27 year old mom of a 2 year old boy. I've had social anxiety since I was very young, like 6 years old. When I was 20 I started having panic attacks but I was still able to function most days with the help of my therapist and 100mg of pristiq. I was even functioning enough to complete my bachelors degree. However, when I got pregnant, after college, I had to stop taking the pristiq. Then after having a near nervous breakdown in the hospital after giving birth to my son, my OB put me on zoloft 50mg. I really don't think it was helping at all. I basically didnt leave my house by myself for the first three months post partum. Now two years later, my anxiety has hardly subsided. I think I have agoraphobia because I have a hard time leaving the house, espcially if my son is with me. I guess I am afriad that if I have a panic attack I wont be able to take care of him. Or like if I am starting to have a panic attakc it is not as easy to just get up and leave whereever it is that I am if I have my son with me. I guess that main problem with this is that I am scared to go to the store so my husband has to do all the grocery shopping for me which he gets mad at me about and then I just feel worse, like a failure. Anyways, I have gone to the store with my son a few times to get just one or two things but I havent done like a full shopping trip with my son on my own. Other times, if my husband goes with me to the store sometimes I have to leave and go outside because I start to panic.

I also have been too nervous to go back and see my therapist or go to my general praticioner to get my medication changed.

I feel so guilty because I rarely get my son out to the park or anything to socialize with other kids. I dont really have any close friends due to my social anxiety. I also feel frustrated because I have coped with my anxiety and I know the steps I need to take but I can't seem to put them into practice. I think I have been telling myself that I will snap out of it but then I never do.

I guess I came to this site looking for other people who could relate to my anxiety because I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like normal functioning people dont understand what panic disorder is like and they judge me especially becuase I am a mom.

[Anxiousjy]

Hi there. I’m sorry you are going through these things. I have these too when my anxiety is high. I would get panicky at public places especially if I know that I don’t have access to nearest exists. It sucks.

[Rodneyshia]

I suffer from anxiety and depression. Download the Calm App, it's a meditation app. It has helped me some. Maybe it will heilo you to relax.

[tashalyn]

You are not a failure don’t ever let anyone make you feel this way not even your husband.

But it’s time to regain control

Believe me it’s SO HARD I know, but atleast you can tell yourself am doing everything I can to recover.

First on the list you need to go back to see your doctor and therapist.

You have to take that step, to get the help you need to regain control.

[samjon1]

sorry to hear all that you're going through. have gone through those mostly the panic attacks, i could hide from my boss and it was hottest. panic attacks are still there but these days am more better off, people can't understand what you go through but don't blame them and at the same time don't put guilt on yourself, just know you have done nothing bad, examine your deeds, if there wrong ones in real, then repent those ones but don't put the blame on yourself. look for medication from your medical personnel and trust God. we just fail to control our thoughts