Mom of a very anxious 7 year old

[EM1284]

I have broken down. I feel like I have reached the end of my rope. My daughter is 7 years old and has extreme anxiety. She thinks I will die every time I leave the house, which is almost never now. I have tried books, therapy, videos, prayer, nothing helps. I am scared it will always be like this. I need help.

[Agora1]

EM1284, my daughter suffered from Separation Anxiety at a young age as well. Seeking the help of a Pediatric Psychiatrist can help both of you. It is a real issue that can wear down both of you. I wish you well. xx

[EM1284 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you! How long did your daughter’s separation anxiety last?

[Agora1 in reply to EM1284]

It was about 3-4 years. The weekly therapy helped immensely through games and drawings in alleviating the root of those fears. x

[SaintXIX]

I remember when I was around that age and had fear of my mother dying. I did not have any help back then. I even did not tell my mother about it. I kept it to myself, so I think your daughter has already taken a big step towards getting better by communicating about it with You.

I am not a parent, but I suffer from anxiety, so I would recommend You to take small steps in helping your young lady. She must find a safe person, which could be You, but could be someone else also, who is around her. Talking the anxiety out, writing the fears down, drawing the emotions on a paper helps a lot. Help her to create a new dictionary in regards to describe her fears.

There is a possibility that the anxiety could never go away, but don`t stop praying. Maybe God will not take the disorder away (maybe He will), but He will never leave her side through that process.

[EM1284 in reply to SaintXIX]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I am thankful that my daughter speaks to me about it. I just wish I could take it from her. No child should have to deal with this.

[Strongcow]

I was a daughter who had separation anxiety from mom, she had cancer at the time. I would cry and cry when she tried to drop me off at school. Talking to a school psychologist really helped at the time. We would meet over lunch one day a week, and that was the only time I would eat really... She probably has no idea how much she helped me. Even though we'd just chat about math homework and playing on the playground etc., it was a great consolation. Keep doing what you're doing, and reach out for help, if you feel that is the right thing to do. I am a very different person than I was then. Have hope and keep giving her love and support.

[Anxiety5]

Use a child psychologist as a LAST RESORT. Don’t use meds. It is a dangerous way to go. You want to help her help herself and NOT depend on chemicals and meds. It is good she learns how now and it will help her all through her life.

Teach her to use breathing techniques...in for 4, hold for 6 and out for 4.

She will have plenty of air and it will slow her down.

Show her how to use a “grateful book”. Let her pick out a fancy small book (it must be little so she can easily fill it in a few months) from Barnes and Noble. A book that is “special”. At bedtime have her write down just 5 things she is grateful for....mom, dad, her pets, her toys, ice cream...whatever. She does this EVERY NIGHT WITH NO REPEATS. That’s the key...NO REPEATS. Afternweeks of writing down obvious things she will have to really think about what she is grateful for....safety pins, band aids, obscure stuff that we all take for granted. THEN, she will begin to make a conscious effort to actively LOOK AROUND each day because she has to write something down. It will make her see the beauty in the life around her...a baby, a flower, a bunny, and rainstorm. Doing this regularly for months WILL help. I’ve been doing it for years.

Also, amazon has some age appropriate workbooks titles “What To Do If....”. These helped our daughter very much.

You said you have prayed. Do you take her to your place of worship? Doing so together and talking about what happened during the service, Temple, etc is a great way to connect.

If you want to talk you can email me privately. We have been through this...there is hope without medication.

[JuneVas in reply to Anxiety5]

Love your message, very helpfull!❤️

[Windy101]

Agree with Agora1. A pediatric psychiatrist might make a huge difference.

[SaintXIX]

Dear EM1284,

As I was reading a helpful book called "The Anxiety Cure: An Eight-Step Program For Getting Well" I came to think of Your situation. I want to quote a few things that helped Caroline DuPont with her anxiety as a child.

As she was playing hide and seek, she got locked up in a small dark closet. After that, she began to have fear of locked rooms. Then she started the first grade and with that came the fear of closed classroom`s door. After finding that out the teacher did not start to have an open door, but she introduced her with THE PLAN. The teacher said that THE PLAN is that the at the beginning of the class she will close the door, but at the end, she will open it up again.

Caroline writes: "I never had to worry that she [the teacher] would close it one day and not open it again. This directly addressed my fears and gave me a way to reassure myself when anxiety hit."

From that day on, "The Plan became a mantra in our home." She writes: "'Caroline, today this is The Plan, ' my mother would say as she outlined my activities for the day. The Plan was comforting and reassuring. As long as I understood The Plan, I could cope. The Plan allowed me to know ahead of time what was going to happen on a given day and took away the constant anticipatory anxiety that I would unexpectedly be forced into a fearful situation."

What I want to say to You, is maybe to help Your daughter, You should create THE PLAN for her. For example, You could say: "From morning till evening I will be at work, but in the evening we will see each other again." Or You could communicate (via phone) every day at a specific time to reassure her that You are well.

I pray and hope that this would help Your family.

P.S. Sorry for the long reply.