Log in
Anxiety and Depression Support
23,794 members22,246 posts

I'm new here and I need advice

My world has been upended, my husband of 25 years is having a baby and it is with my sister! I am at a total loss!!! How do I go on knowing that my husband is going to have a baby and that it is with my sister. My sister has always wanted a baby and I guess she is finally getting what she has always wanted. I have moved out of my home because apparently this encounter happened at my home when I was out of town in October. I feel like I have lost everything. I have three children, but I do not feel like I should be breaking down on them all the time. I have no other immediate family and all I do is cry. I don't want to cry like this, what do I do? My husband calls and wants me to "get over it" and "just continue our family." How do I do that, when all I think about is the fact that he is having a baby with my sister and our children are 20 and older?

26 Replies
oldestnewest

Oh how awful for you. I don't know about you but I could never carry on the relationship under these circumstances. The fact that your husband thinks you can just 'get over it' and carry on as normal is horrendous. What planet is he living on!

Your husband has betrayed you in the worst possible way - what a rat... x

3 likes
Reply

Thank you so much for replying!! I feel so lost and alone! I can't carry on the relationship and I am at a loss at how do I get over this relationship and this betrayal?

1 like
Reply

Hi I can't tell you how to get over this loss and betrayal as we all do it in our own way. I think it's much too soon to really deal with this and the main thing is to start plans to physically leave the relationship. Will he leave the family home? I hope so. I would tell him to go to your sisters as he obviously wants her not you. I can't believe anyone could be so selfish and unfeeling. Yuck!

Deal with the practicalities first then think about the rest of it later. It will take time but you will be able to move on again one day, but not yet. The blessing is at least your children are all grown up now so you won't be a single parent with young children. One day hopefully you will meet someone who deserves you.

4 likes
Reply

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice! No, he will not leave the family home.

Reply

Change the locks? Do any of your children still live at home? x

Reply

No. My youngest is away at college and the oldest and middle child live in cities that are hours away where they work. This is why I choose to leave the house, I knew he wouldn't leave and I did not have to worry about my children being at home. All three of my children have stated that they wanted me to leave him and not be at our family home, because it happened at the family home. They stated that they do not think that they could stay in our family home every again because of their fathers behavior there.

4 likes
Reply

Ok fair enough. If you own the house though make sure you get your share. x

2 likes
Reply

Thank god your children are older and no one will question your decision to leave him. You will find true love 💕 do not make decisions because of the years spent. Know your worth

2 likes
Reply

Be strong through this! Got a bumpy road ahead of you. And seek advice from a lawyer. It will get better through time. Hope and pray the best for you. He didn’t deserve you and you deserve way better!

2 likes
Reply

Excuse me, this sister sounds like she is not family to you. Your kids are.

4 likes
Reply

You will but you are more important and you need your freedom. He lost you the minute he began fooling around with your sister

Reply

Sorry, but your husband sounds like a sociopath!

3 likes
Reply

I would be inclined to speak to your sister first and see what she thinks about this whole thing. That may help you decide what action to take. Also see a therapist.

4 likes
Reply

this is betrayal at it worst.its hard to come back from this.both are at fault obviously but what your sister has done is worse.shes broken your family apart.some serious things would have to happen for you to stay with him.its easier to forgive but you will never forget.im sure your kid will be on your side through it all.is it worth saving and trying to live it.who knows but love can conquer many things in a relationship.

2 likes
Reply

I agree what the sister has done is awful but he is the one who broke his marriage vows so he is the main one at fault here. He is also the one who expects them to all carry on as though nothing has happened! Not sure about a sociopath but he is certainly a rat! x

3 likes
Reply

yeah its a terrible thing.after he hit on at her sister she should have dismissed his advances and kept away.husband is a rat at least for wrecking a marriage and destroying lives.

4 likes
Reply

What is her husband then?

Reply

Of course you have started shopping around for a good lawyer, in view of the fact you have been forced from your home ?

You would benefit from counseling to deal with it all.

Depending on your religion you could seek advice from clergy.

Just love and be good to yourself right now. You deserve a shoulder to cry on.

1 like
Reply

Everything will be okay 💛 it will all work out, hang in there 🌸 sending positive and hugs your way xoxo

2 likes
Reply

My deepest condolences because I could never cope with my sister or my husband. You need to get help with therapy and do it for your children. They are number one in your life and file for divorce. Your husband is number one to blame, as womyn we tend to toss the blame to the other womyn but nooo we need to blame the man who did the deed. I’m really sorry but no words can help heal you. Do not feel obligated to stay with him. Heck nooo!! You are worth a billion more than the other women. No one can say a thing if you decide to leave the state. I would, because she would no longer be family and any judge would grant me my children and the authority to move them away from such toxic environment.

1 like
Reply

get over it!!!!...seriously?...I'd be calling a lawyer and clean his clock...sorry, not a very therapeutic answer , but WTF?...furthermore....your sister!!!....yeah, I'd cry too honey. The future you thought you were going to have is gone, and it's heart breaking, but you need to be sensible about this, you did no wrong, get back in your house...

But your best bet is to not talk to him about getting in touch with a lawyer,...legal aid would be my suggestion. You may pay a minimal assessment fee and they will help you.

Furthermore, I would move back into the house and ask HIM to leave. Then serve him with an injunction notice to vacate under the fact of infidelity is a major reason for divorce and he fits the criteria.

2 likes
Reply

OMG That's the lowest of the low. My ex husband I believe slept with my sister while we were married. I have no proof but my gut tells me it happen I came home one time unexpentently she was there with a lame excuse. I never said anything. It's been years. But in your case there's going to be a baby to remind you of what happened. moving out was a good thing to give yourself perspective. Don't talk to him. Men Always want us to get over IT. Seek counciling cause this can eat you Alive. Get him to go later with You. Remember it's Not the child's fault. Good Luck

2 likes
Reply

So sorry! It's so sad and painful when others actions effect us. How did you find out? Did he tell you? Did your sister tell you. Are they still together? I wouldn't move out of the house. You deserve what you helped build there. Perhaps he can sleep in a different room and see how long it takes you to "get over it". Has he said he still wants you? Take time to cry. Love yourself and know you are great. Do the things that make you happy while you go through this and get it figured out for yourself.

Reply

I know this post is 3 months old, but I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. The betrayal, I can't imagine how you move on. I hope you talking to a professional and you have the support of your children. I know it's not much, but I hope you are finding peace. If not now, then eventually.

Take care-

Reply

Oh my goodness, that is truly a heartbreaking thing to happen, I think you need to cut the ties, please take your power back, and love yourself enough to walk away, it all sounds pretty awful, sending you positive vibes, here anytime xxx please take care x

1 like
Reply

Hi sorry to hear about your situation. Can I ask how long has it been since this happened ?

Reply

You may also like...