Anxiety and Depression Support

Mortified

So, my pipes froze and the plumbers have been here for hours in my disgusting, messy house and I'm so ashamed. My husband and I used to argue all the time about chores and I've been trying to practice radical acceptance about the house not being clean in order to have a less fighty marriage, but the only way I can tolerate it is if we don't have visitors. I couldn't clean before they came because there was no water. So many of my buttons are being pushed right now and I'm beating myself up for living like this. I hate that they don't know we have mental illnesses and probably just think we're lazy and disgusting. I just want to crawl under a rock and expire. I was feeling really down anyway today, and then this happened. My DBT skills are just not cutting it and all my friends are asleep. I'm so ashamed.

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My kitchen pipes froze yesterday! I came up with the idea to put a light by the pipe, it took awhile but did work! do not worry about what people say or think , we should not judge, you never know where someone is coming from. I really feel for you and care! XXX

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You may want to wrap them so they don’t freeze again with pipe insulation.

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They are! Temps are just too cold!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha!!!!!!!

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I don’t even know what mine are I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. I don’t even know what mine are I’m getting anxious just thinking about it

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Turn your faucet on , just a drip and they won't freeze!

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I just went to the bathroom and was trying to stop my tub from dripping. I guess it’s good I couldn’t. I’m freaking out that my plumbing is going to go bad now and my house is a mess. It wouldn’t take a lot to make it presentable except that the water heater is in my sons room which is nasty. Also the puppy scratched up my door to my bedroom when I was sleeping. She also scraped up his door. Those just need paint but I don’t have any paint. I certainly can’t replace his carpet either. I was thinking about buying some tiles and putting tiles in there until we move so it can be cleaned easily but my husband thinks it would be hard to get it up to put carpet down. Like cheap peel and stick tiles. I am not planning on moving soon unless I find a way to get my own place. With a pink couch. I think it would help so much. I might do it while he’s gone if I can figure out how to start. Advice? Would you do it? I wasn’t going to tell him and just do it but in a moment of weakness and getting fussed at over it I told. His carpet is shredded. It’s gross beyond repair. Putting carpet down would just end up ruined I’m afraid.

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First off , to heck with what people think or say, that's the least of your worries! Also turn on the kitchen faucet , again , to just a drip! If you don't have the & , again don't worry about it! Please take some slow deep breaths, think of some happy thoughts! I'm here for you! XXX

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Thank you! I’m so lonely and I feel stuck. Stuck with a life of misery alone. I’m so sorry opossum for busting on your Post. We are here for you sweetheart!

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Not busting in at all. I'm glad we can be here for each other.

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I'm so sorry to contribute to your anxiety, Hopeful Tinkerbell. 😔

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The plumber told me that trick doesn't always work, sadly.

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It does for me, we go down to way below zero at night time and our highs have only been in single digits to low teens. Just maybe he wants to get $ off of you, you just never know! Best of luck to you! XXX

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It always worked for me in the past too, and I hope it continues to work for you! We have one room that doesn't really get heat well, so we usually just close it off and ignore it. I guess that was the culprit this time, with this extended cold snap. The pipes underneath that room froze, and it took them forever to find the source because we didn't think to mention it. I'm a heat miser, usually just using the pellet stove at around 55F, but the plumber said when it's below 15 degrees out I have to use the oil heat and keep the whole house at 60-yikes!

Are you in N. America? I'm in NH, and it's COLD!

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Got it, I keep my heat during the day set at 69-62, then night 55! I find it easier to breathe the cool air. We live in Nothwest, Pa. Made the National news this week , by cracky!!!!!!! Lots and lots of snow! I love it, it's so pretty to look and see the pines lines so pretty!

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Thanks so much for your empathy, anxiety_59. It really helps me feel less alone. 🙂

I try really hard to not judge other people too much, but am not so kind with myself, alas.

Hope your water is running again!

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Yes it is, what a blessing!!!!!!!

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No problem! Everybody needs somebody! You need to put yourself first, trust me! XXX

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Oh how I understand and emphasise with you on this! My flat is the same - messy and dirty and I can't find the energy to clean and tidy etc. Even when I do I can never keep it like that.

I have had no hot water for over 2 years and can't face getting anyone in coz I would feel so ashamed of anyone seeing my filthy lifestyle. I have a leak in the toilet pipe and have to keep turning my water off. Like you said it is very difficult to clean without water.

I do know exactly how you feel. I am now going to take what happened to you as an object lesson and clean my home so I can get workmen in and start living a proper life again.

I am going to turn your experience into a positive one for me. I hope at least you can get it sorted soon and the workmen don't get funny with you x

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I'm glad you can use my experience to find motivation, hypercat54!

Thanks for your empathy, it really helps.

I can also empathize with you. My previous apartment was in terrible shape through no fault of my own. There was an unspoken agreement between the slum lord and me that he wouldn't raise the rent but he wouldn't fix anything either. The living room ceiling was falling in and the walls were buckling from the water behind them. The pipes were rusty, so the water came out brown and you couldn't use it to clean or bathe, and there was no hot water for 1.5 years I got really good at sponge baths and spent weekends at friends houses so I could shower. (I'm still really good at showering very quickly after those days, which saves me time in the morning!)

In retrospect, now that I'm feeling a little better today, I give us credit for being able to endure these hardships, on top of the ones our brain causes us to struggle with, and carry on. We are courageous survivors. No hot water alone would be enough to fell lesser folk: look how strong we are.

That said, I hope things change for you and that you are able to get hot water. I still really appreciate it, almost a decade later.

I'm also disappointed in myself, that now I live in a much nicer place and still can't manage to keep it up. I hope last night's terrible experience will motivate me as well. ☺

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The same thing happened to my sister a few years ago. Her flat was a total tip and about as bad as ours. Then the landlords put in a new boiler and the workmen were very nasty with my sister and kept asking how she could live like this. My sister was very upset coz I don't think she had genuinely realised.

But it taught her a lesson and now she keeps it tidy if not clean! I hope it motivates you too. I will report on my progress to try and keep you motivated as well :) x

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Please do! We can keep each other posted!

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Yeah sure can. Us slovenly folk :D x

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Spent 2.5 hours cleaning yesterday! Made a tiny dent, but feel good about it. Any progress on your end, hypercat?

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Er... no not yet. I did pick up some junk and put it in the bin and took a bag outside Monday so it's better than nothing.

Well done you. I am playing catch up now. x

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Tiny steps, and good job on those! I've only made a small dent, but it's a start. Keep me posted! 😚

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At least you may not have to worry about any of them casing you and coming back to rob you. Bright side

I’m on strike. I don’t clean like I should. My husband rarely comes home and when he does he is drunk and ugly. On our anniversary I cleaned a lot did laundry etc. and he came in and got upset because I had left clean water around the sink. That was in Nov. I’ve washed dishes one time since then because he was out of town. He is a neat freak so he fusses a lot about it. Then he does them because it bugs him. He tells his family or friends I’m lazy etc. It used to irritate me. His brother made a rude comment Christmas Day about taking my husband to live with him. OK! See how he likes it. It wouldn’t matter to him as much but his wife wouldn’t have it. I quit talking to his family. They hear a drunks side of it so I could care less. It bothers me some but anyone who knows me knows the truth. Then my son got a puppy and won’t take it out. He uses pads but then won’t change them in his room. We now will have to change the carpet in his room. So I am praying nothing breaks that we can’t fix. I just have no motivation. I feel like I want it clean but not enough to hurt bad to do it. I’m physically disabled. It hurts bad so I don’t want to. Everyday I get up get coffee and sit in my recliner and think I’m going to get motivated to clean today. Then next thing I know it’s time to go to sleep. I rarely even cook for him. I make do with very little just for me. He’s on his own. It’s ridiculous really. I just don’t have the energy to change when he’s not. You are not alone. No judgement here. I guarantee you those men have seen worse.

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I can relate to that, Tinkerbell. Part of why my house is such a disaster is because I also have been on strike. I was so resentful of my husband because I was doing the vast majority of the cleaning, so I decided to stop and see at what point he realized for himself that he needs to help. The answer so far is never! We're fighting less, but now I feel trapped in a chaotic shambles that is no good for my own mental health. I've started realizing I'm just going to have to suck it up and clean for me, but sadly hadn't gotten around to it before the frozen pipes crisis. My husband is unemployed and home all the time, so it's hard to clean around him without feeling like "the maid". I keep wishing he'd go away for a bit so I could truly feel like I was just doing it for myself, but that's not going to happen. 😔

I know I'm just going to have to suck it up and get it done, but it's so hard to find the energy.

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Ok you might have to get it done but don't do anything else for him ie cook his meals, wash his laundry, nor shop for any food for him either. x

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I know how you feel. I have a bit ocd personality. I used to clean regularly and everything was in its place. Slowly I started cleaning less frequently now I haven’t cleaned in three or four months except for the bathroom, dishes and laundry. I don’t care anymore I don’t want anyone in my apartment not that I know anyone anyway. I imagine your husband doesn’t help with chores so it’s all on you?

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Exactly. And my tactic for feeling less resentful was to do less, and now here I am, with no energy to fix the disaster that has resulted!

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We once had a plumber or electrician in to fix something and my house was a mess. I try to keep it actually clean, but it's often messy (not dirty). I told the gentleman I felt bad about him seeing my house in that condition. He told me, "Your house is fine! Let me tell, you, I have seen some stuff!" So unless you have been living in a complete pig sty for a long time, the plumber probably didn't judge you. And even if he did, "sucks to be him!'

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