Is it ok to have no friends? - Anxiety and Depre...

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Is it ok to have no friends?

Heruga
Heruga
42 Replies

I've never really had any true friends. They are just acquaintances or when I do actually become friends with someone it doesn't last. They all just leave me eventually for some reason. I don't do anything wrong and I don't see myself as a weirdo either. This made me start losing faith in humanity, wondering why everyone treats me like shit. I do however have a lovely fiance(engaged last week btw :) ) and she is the only person in this world(non blood related) that actually cares about me. This really got to me when we were talking about the wedding and who my best man is going to be. But I really don't have one which makes me feel ashamed. I feel like I only want friends because everybody else around me has a lot of friends and I feel like I should be 'normal' like them. I've been friendless my entire life so I'm used to it enough that it probably won't really matter but just wondering.

42 Replies
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pink83737

Yes it’s okay, I’m the same way. Be yourself :) and you’ll be just fine.

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jkl5500

You could always have a brother, or some other male relative be your best man. To meet new people, you could try your local church, or volunteer someplace. You'll meet lots of good people there.

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Heruga
Heruga
in reply to jkl5500

My fiance also suggested using my younger brother and her use her cousin but I said no because I think using a family member will be embarrassing because they'll all just think 'oh this guy has no friends and had to resort using his brother as a best man'. I don't want anyone thinking that...

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Dragon1940
Dragon1940
in reply to Heruga

Lmao believe me it is completely normal to do that unless your family IS extremely judgmental in which case there opinions aren't valuable anyway ;)

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Heruga
Heruga
in reply to Dragon1940

Well no I'm not worried about my family thinking that way, its mostly my fiance's friends and family that might think me as weird

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HiddenThis reply has been deleted
icDavey
icDavey
in reply to Hidden

Go with your brother! How would he feel if he knew she suggested him and you said no? C'mon, guy! Get your head out of the dirt and have some fun. Fuck firends. They only let you down in the end anyway!

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jkl5500
jkl5500
in reply to Heruga

I have a good friend who had his brother as best man, and he had plenty of friends. So that kind of thing has been done before.

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SamuelBlake17

It is very normal and expected to have your family member, if you have one, in the wedding party. My childhood best friend, we both said growing up that we would be each other’s Maid/Maitron of honor. When the time came, I thought my sister would be hurt if she wasn’t my maitron of honor so I had her instead of my best friend.

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Lilly5
Lilly5
in reply to Heruga

It's completely normal to use your brother as your best man, it happens all the time. Congratulations!

1 like
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gogogirl
gogogirl
in reply to Heruga

Are you kidding? I am sure your brother will be honored.

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Dragon1940

It's okay to not have any close friends! :) sometimes it is better without friends because they do indeed bring a lot of drama & as J stated it's perfectly fine to have a relative be your best man! :) & hey you do have friends! Me, J, & i'm sure other members of this community can be your friends! :) Congratulations btw on your engagement I hope you two go far in life together!

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Heruga
Heruga
in reply to Dragon1940

I agree with you, I don't need friends to rely on. What I hate though is why everyone, literally everyone has friends except me. I just don't get it. And thanks :) we are very busy now planning everything lol

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Dragon1940
Dragon1940
in reply to Heruga

Well "friends" can be easily attained by simply saying hello! & again associates or aquaintances can often be confused with friends, so don't sweat it! Besides like i said you have a friends! Perhaps not physically but digitally! :)

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icDavey
icDavey
in reply to Heruga

As I said, comparing yourself to others is a deadly proposition. All it does is make you dissatisfied....like right now!

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sweetiepye

There are friends and there are friends. Some people are really just social and you relate on that level. These are the people who claim to have tons of good friends. True friendship is a different thing altogether . You have fewer true friends usually and true friendship has to be worked at like any relationship. I think the more self possessed you are the fewer friends you need. I wouldn't worry about the best man, just make sure it's someone you like. A Father, Grandfather, your Mother. Why not, break with tradition. Make it meaningful in your own way. Congratulations. Pam

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Heruga
Heruga
in reply to sweetiepye

Well I am not a really social person by nature.. Though I know a lot of people who have a best friend but also have a lot of other friends. They envy me sometime so much. I just wonder what did I do wrong for everyone to hate me(except my fiance) And Thanks :)

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sweetiepye
sweetiepye
in reply to Heruga

Just because you have no friends doesn't mean people hate you. There could be many reasons, maybe you aren't friendly to others. Whatever the issue is it probably lies with you. You mentioned envy which to me is a clue to why you are having a problem. Don't compare yourself to others in any area of life. It puts people off and it will always leave you feeling dissatisfied . Instead compare your efforts against your efforts. Don't think did I do better than him, do think did I do better today than I did yesterday. Pam

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icDavey
icDavey
in reply to Heruga

What is this...."Everybody hates me"? Get over yourself! You aren't important enough to hate. They are indifferent to you. You do not provide enough interest (i.e. drama) to their lives. Those other people ENVY you! Get the message. You are no better or worse off for the number of friends you have. You are fine! You are good enough!

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Candif

My experience is please put family in your wedding party...if friends are in your wedding pics and then you arent friends anymore you are stuck with pics you really dont want or respect...

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icDavey
icDavey
in reply to Candif

That is a VERY good point!

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peaceout

It is not uncommon to not have friends and there is nothing wrong with that. Some people are introverted, like myself, who prefer to forego friendship drama and enjoy their own thoughts and company. I am hypersensitive and feel emotional vibes intensely which easily drain me. However, I do have a few acquaintances whom I consider casual friends.

My little sister was my Maid of Honor. She is also my best friend and I could think of no better person to have stand beside me. That was 40 years ago and she is still my best friend and loving sister :) Go ahead and ask a family member, you will not regret your choice. Those people that matter will honor your choice. Those that don't will care less whom you choose. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

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Concernedparent23

Congratulations on finding your life partner.

Please stop comparing yourself to others, and worrying about what people think.

You're a person who is self reliant. My husband is like that and I admire this characteristic in him.

In some places it's expected to choose your brother as best man if you have one. My husband was best man for his brother.

If anyone thinks it's odd well let them. It's your wedding not theirs.

We had a very small wedding so we didn't have a best man or a maid of honour or any of the usual trappings - it was very much our day and we loved it.

Your future wife obviously loves you just the way you are. I'd go with that.

Enjoy planning the start of your married life together.

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jrcnpg

To thine own self be true/And it shall follow like the night the day/That thoust can be false to no man.........William Shakespeare.

If it is your choice not to engage with people on a friendship basis, then that is fine, it is your choice after all. If you are disturbed by comments made to you over time then you will only have to do as Mr Shakespeare said and let them know that you prefer your social life as it is which would be a process of letting your truth be known. Such advice may seem a little glib but it is the one course of action I adopted, at least the one course of action which worked. I wish you well, my friend.

John

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hypercat54

Hi having no friends isn't a problem unless you perceive it to be. If you want friends then you can teach yourself to make them. I did as it was something I missed out on learning in my childhood.

What you do is watch and study people, how they behave, how they interact etc. Then copy them adapting it of course to your own personality. It took me some time but it did work for me.

I also agree with the others about using your future wife's brother. Tell him that you would love him to be your best man. x

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Marquis784

Asking family members to be apart of your special day is actually an honor. It can help build relationships and connections with family members. You don’t need a bevy of “friends” to have a satisfying life. For certain people, we do better with a few people with whom we feel accepted. It is almost expected that a person would choose family to be a part of weddings in my family.

Best wishes!

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MarkMO

This question is a two-edged sword. First off, I am 60 years of age, and bipolar, anxiety and depression, are a constant companion. With no friends, that usually means that you are lacking a support system. We all need someone we can rely on, and talk to on a daily basis. I say this in all seriousness. Talk to another living human being EVERY day. It is vital to your mental and physical health.

That said, there is the admonition to maintain 'quality' friends'. That generally means your friends list will be quite lacking, compared to your other social friends and acquaintances. This is actually a good thing.

After 60 years, I can count on one hand who my solid friends are. They are my family, so to speak.

Do not concern yourself with being 'normal'. That is an illusion, and a heart-breaking one at that. Maintain quality, not quantity. You'll find you're life much fuller, and less stressful, than trying to be something you are not. A social butterfly.

Hope this helps. God bless.

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akablonded

Many times, we want lots of friends who will fill in the "empty" places we feel we have. And what a terrible disappointment when they don't do it. So, I guess my quick response to your question is, you may not have friends who are the be all and end all. But you can have people in your life who could share things you like/love. Maybe just one thing, like movies, or biking, or even just good coffee. It's a place to start, at least. From my "elder state" I can tell you that even the most solid, durable friendships change over the years. If you don't allow the give-and-take of change, both good and bad, you find that you may see those relationships fall away. And, to answer your question, what really is normal?

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icDavey

I'm right there with you, Heruga. And next week, after 26 years together, my wife is leaving. So no matter how bad things seem, there is always someone a little worse off. Not having friends not inherently bad. WHat is bad for you is comparing yourself to other people. That always leads to heartache. Your life is your life as it is. The way to move forward is not to look around what others have and want that. It is to look deep within yourself, decide what you need to make you happy that is attainable from where you are, and go after that.

And if friends is what you really want, check out the website Meetup.com and find an interest group for something you enjoy.

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Heruga
Heruga
in reply to icDavey

I am so sorry to hear this. It must be tough.. cannot even compare my situation to yours. I will try to be happy for what I do then. I try not to compare but sometimes I just wonder what made me be the minority of the social norm where probably 80% of the people in this world are social and outgoing and have a lot of friends. Like why did I somehow slip into the 20%. I just wonder that even though if I don't compare

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jkl5500
jkl5500
in reply to Heruga

Some people are naturally more extroverted, and easily socialize and make friends. Others are more introverted, and have more difficulty doing that. You'll have to ask a psychologist why people turn out one way or the other, but neither group is "bad".

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Heruga

Thank you so much everyone :) I am now considering using my brother or cousin as my best man. I didn't know it was that common to do that. I guess I was the cause of this whole issue. I usually always liked to be left alone and mind my own business but when I see other people interacting with their friends and stuff I always wondered why only them? Well i now know the answer. Probably the first step is to improve myself. Although I wonder... Is it too late to make friends at 24?

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jkl5500
jkl5500
in reply to Heruga

When you reach my age (62), you'll look back at that last question and laugh!

24 is young! You have your whole life to make any improvements you want.

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Heruga
Heruga
in reply to jkl5500

I guess so.. that is the sad part though. Me already feeling hopeless like this only at 24.. I wonder how I am supposed to deal with this when I have another 50+ years of life

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jkl5500
jkl5500
in reply to Heruga

You can feel hopeless at any age. At least you have youth on your side, so you have plenty of time to do something about it. You have a supportive family, and a woman who loves you, so you already have a lot going for you. There have been some good suggestions on this thread to find new friends, so keep them in mind. And congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

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sweetiepye

You seem determined to make problems for yourself. What does age have to do with friendship? Pam

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gogogirl

Do you have family you could ask to be in your wedding? Congratulations by the way!

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Heruga
Heruga
in reply to gogogirl

I have lots of family and they are probably going to be the majority of the guests. And thanks :)

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emee

Loads of people don’t have any friends, it’s more common than you think😊

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Amcs0609

I also have the same problem making friends and often with my family as well.

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Boots55

Its true, friends are really hard to keep, imy best friend of 44 years passed in october and i cant shake it. There is no one else i can really speak to anymore

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