I yelled at some family members

[Trav4242]

A few of us were at my parents for dinner tonight and I was outside talking to my dad and he was a little upset that one of the grandkids made a huge mess in his truck, then we walked in the house and two of them wasted some food and he does not like that, I don't either. So I asked my brother and sister in law and mom who made the huge mess in dads truck and mom said the girls did. I asked so, are the parents going to get their kids and go clean it up? My lazy sister in law said no you are going to clean it up. Mom said I will do it later, it's ok I will fix it. I was a little pissed but I just walked away went in another room. About 30 minutes later I walked in the kitchen and said I guess no one is going to clean that up? and She said no again as she was walking outside, I said not surprised you don't even clean your own damn house. Then I got told that I have not right to tell anyone to clean up anything. Is that messed up or was I wrong? The only time my brother and his useless wife call is when they want money or a babysitter from my parents. I keep telling them you need to stand up for yourselves or they will keep this up, when I do it I get yelled at and told I have no right to say anything. They show up make a mess eat and then leave mom with a big mess and she stays up until midnight and cleans it up. Then I have to hear her bitch about it for week about how they use her. I say something then she under minds me right in front of them and makes me look like the bad guy. I don't need this shit. I am already dealing with way to much stress, anxiety and depression from not so good health and then I have to deal with my pain in the ass family. Mom will ask me what she needs to do and I tell her but she never does any of it. I wish I could just move far away at times. I got so pissed tonight I had to lock myself in another room, I really thought I was going to punch my sister in law. I don't trust her, she is going to get my brother into a huge mess one day. She makes whatever in the hell it is and sells it, one lady bought some blankets she was going to make, she took her money and never gave the lady what she ordered. I don't claim to know everything, but I can see a not so good person, I did have some training with that. Sorry I needed to vent. What I needed to know was I wrong for telling them to clean up their mess with their kids?

[Hidden]

Nope, not wrong at all.

[Trav4242 in reply to Hidden]

Good!! I dont feel wrong or feel bad at all. The only thing I feel bad about is I didn't know my 10 year old niece was sitting on the floor and she heard me swear and get mad. I dont understand why my parents wont say anything to put a stop to any of this. My dad gets upset and tells me about it but he wont say anything to anyone else. He knows I will, I'm not afraid to say what I am thinking. I dont care if they get mad, they will get over it or they wont. I wont loose sleep over someone that isn't that thinks they are more important then someone else or using someone

[Dolphin14]

I think your parents need to set the boundaries here. If they are letting your brother and his wife get away with this stuff it's up to them to set some ground rules.

If they think they are being used as babysitters or just for money etc then they need to speak up.

The kids need to learn to clean up after themselves. That's also your parents job to set that expectation, it's their home.

Sounds like the more you speak up the more you get shot down. I would get sick of beating my head against the wall on this one.

[Trav4242 in reply to Dolphin14]

That is exactly how I feel. Now for a few days I will get the silent treatment from mom. LOL. This isn't my first rodeo. I wish my dad would have said something and I knew he wanted me to because he knew I don't care if I make someone mad, but he threw me under the bus also. Everyone just sat there. I got told you can't say that to family. I don't get it. I am tired of them taking advantage of my parents, dad is 69 and is 63 they don't need to be the bank or their personal babysitter for two people that say having kids is so hard. I just want to slap the hell out of those two. What my parents don't know is I cleaned up their mess when my sister law first got there. They tracked mud and grass in, dropped their coats and boots everywhere in the kitchen, she took her 2 year old in to the bathroom and he pee'ed all over the toilet and floor and my sister in law never cleaned any of that up, she got her phone at sat on the couch like she always does. I am sorry to complain, I just don't have anyone to talk to, my family won't talk to me about this. I am always alone when this kind of thing happens, I have no back up.

[hypercat54]

Hi I understand you being very annoyed and upset about this but I have to agree with Dolphin. By sticking your head above the parapet you are being attacked by both sides and you don't need that do you?

Your parents are making it clear that they don't want or need your help, so to be honest I would butt out and stop putting yourself in the firing line. Let your parents deal with it and when they moan to you just say it's their choice and you are staying out of it.

[Trav4242 in reply to hypercat54]

You are right. I get so tired of them complaining about it day after day or getting asked what to do about and when I give them suggestions they won't do it. Sometimes I feel like the babysitter

[hypercat54 in reply to Trav4242]

They are using you to take their frustration out on coz they won't tackle the real cause. Stand your ground and refuse to be piggy in the middle. My mother used to do this with me and would play the yes but game. I would end up saying well there is no answer then and dismiss it. Never be the victim of other peoples games. You can never control what others do, only your own reaction to it. Set your boundaries.

[Trav4242 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you!! My mom didn't have the best childhood so I try to remember that but she will do this thing that will just piss me off. If I do something she doesn't like she will call one of my brothers and tell him about or if he does something she has to tell me about it. I DON'T CARE. LOL. She is getting better about not doing that. My family gives me a headache. Since I am the oldest of 4 it seems like I am always trying to keep the peace or trying to get everyone together as a family but I think I am done with it all. There is so many good and helpful people on this site. I don't know where I would be without everyone that has helped me. I get tired of watching mom run around the house when all the grandkids are here. It's always grandma I want this, grandma can I have that, grandma I need help and my brothers and their wives just sit there, I try to help but those kids only want grandma and if they don't they scream and cry. It is the most pathetic thing you will ever watch. Mom just spends hours running around doing everything and she says you can't say anything because you can't make anyone mad. It is sad.

[hypercat54 in reply to Trav4242]

You are in a no win situation so opt out of it. Let them all go to hell in their own way and don't try and control their situations. You don't have to be the peacemaker in your family you know even if that is the role assigned to you! It will be interesting to see what happens to your family dynamics if you refuse your role...

[Trav4242]

Again you are right. It doesn't matter what I do It's never what they want and it's always been that way. I am not even to sure why I try to help them. 2 out of 3 brothers treat my like dirt. I had neck surgery 2 years ago and they tell everyone it didn't happen and there is nothing wrong with my spine but yet I need 3 or 4 more surgeries. In 2009 I think me and my ex moved into a newer home and got a bigger RV and the decided to get a different truck to pull it. The gas truck did fine it just got 8 MPG pulling so we found a nice clean crewcab duramax. I picked up my a buddy and we headed to the city to pick it up and my mom called just as we were getting there and she asked what I was doing and said I am trading my truck off on a duramax, man you would have thought the world was coming to an end. She just said you are so fu#king stupid and hung up on me. My ex and I had good jobs, had paid time off. We could afford it. Then she just had to get on the phone and call one of my brothers and tell him how stupid I was. It's a good thing he doesn't listen to that nonsense. Now that I am typing this and reading you comments, I think most of my family is toxic or insane, it's the same thing over and over again and expecting different results