My dads bouse

[iriss]

My parents were divorced for about 10 years before my mom died. I traveled between houses multiple times a week, a 30 minute drive one way. Some weeks I’d have to stay with my dad more than my mom. Other weeks I was with my mom a lot.

Now that my mom passed away I have to stay with my dad full time. I’ve posted before about his behavior, but that’s just one layer of the awfulness. His house itself is absolutely disgusting. It looks like a hoarders house, my brother always lays on the couch and leaves dirty dishes and trash there. My dad smokes too so everything smells like smoke, including all of my clothes. We have two cats and they pee and poop in areas that aren’t their litter box. We have a back hallway that leads to my bedroom and my brothers bedroom and the cats always poop and pee on that carpet. It is disgusting.

I’m expected to clean up a ton too, because my brother won’t do anything. I’m extremely busy, so I never have time to clean or organize. Plus, when I do clean/organize, my dad and brother mess it up not even a day later.

I walk in and it smells like smoke, cat pee, and cat poop. I have to douse myself in perfume before we leave to go anywhere so that I don’t smell like smoke. But it doesn’t work, I still smell like smoke all the time anyways. People have pointed out the fact that I smell like smoke a lot. It makes me extremely insecure.

My moms house was safe for me. She didn’t smoke or have gross pets. It smelled good, and we often had wax plug ins that were scented for the different seasons. Our favorite was the fall scents. I would wash my clothes there and be clean and smell good. Her house was clean and not disgusting.

Also, I play viola, and I need a good practice space in order to practice good. I had a good place to practice at my moms, but at my dads my room is too small to dedicate a corner to my music. We have other bedrooms but they need remodeling work done because they’re gross. I don’t practice much anymore because I simply don’t have a space to do it. It sucks. I also don’t have much time to practice but that’s my own fault for procrastinating, and for not being able to focus.

I need to practice for upcoming competitions and auditions but I actually can’t

[fauxartist]

sounds like you need to find a different place to live, and to practice....it's not your job to pick up after these slobs....don't do it. If you have your own room.....sanitize it the best you can.....and get a hot plate and apartment fridge for your room. Lock your door and make it your 'safe' place till you can move out.

[iriss in reply to fauxartist]

I would do that but my dad would notice and yell at me. I can’t really move out or go anywhere else because I don’t have anywhere else to go

[Eowyn7]

In one of your other posts you mention having a step dad. Would you be able to live with him? At the very least you should tell him what's been going on with your dad.

[iriss in reply to Eowyn7]

He knows how my dad is. I wouldn’t be able to live with him because I’d have to tell my dad and he would get angry at me. My step dad also wouldn’t be able to support me fully and be able to take me everywhere I need to go. I also don’t have my own car, so I can’t take myself everywhere.

[Eowyn7 in reply to iriss]

I'm sorry. This sounds like a really unhealthy environment for you. You always have the option to tell a teacher and have them report this to the state, but I know that would be very stressful for all of you. But don't rule it out, either. Especially because your mom recently passed away, I think your school counselors would be interested to know that your living situation has changed for the worse.

If you don't want to get the state involved and you absolutely can't live with any other family, I highly recommend getting a job, and trying to get your own car, so you have more freedom to come and go. Also keep your grades up so when the time comes you can go away to college and get out of the house. I'm really sorry all this is happening to you

[iriss in reply to Eowyn7]

I don’t want to get the state involved because it’s tiring and a lot of work. If nothing improves, I might.

I don’t really have time to get a job. I’m very busy with school things, and getting a job would add a ton to my workload. I am getting my moms old car, but I have to share it with my brother. I don’t know if/when I will be able to get my own car.

[LaVerdad in reply to iriss]

So:1. Hope you are out of there by now and keeping a clean space for yourself.

[Worried-help]

Hi iriss. Sorry you are going through such an awful time. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I just want to give you the best advice I can give you.

[iriss in reply to Worried-help]

I am 16

[Worried-help in reply to iriss]

You are still a minor. The only advice I can give you is to leave that household as soon as you turn 18, apply for colleges that dorm. I know things are going bad for you at home but unfortunately until you are 18 you wont be able to leave. Now if things get really bad there you might have to talk to a family member to see how they can help you.

[hypercat54]

Hi can you practise at school? Is there a spare room you can use there? x

[iriss in reply to hypercat54]

I probably could but I don’t want to stay after school super long. I also wouldn’t have a ride home afterwards

[Rpan]

If you haven’t told your dad how you feel, you need to. Tell him it’s not fair that you have to smell like smoke. Cats can live well outside. Remodel another room yourself, tell your dad you need help doing this, you need more room. Tell him what you need, write it down also and give it to him. So what we if he gets angry, he is not being a good father by subjecting you to this stuff. If things don’t change after that than report this to your school.

[iriss in reply to Rpan]

My cats wouldn’t be able to protect themselves, we declawed them. We don’t have the money to remodel a room. If he gets angry he will scream at me, he will throw things, he will break things.

I don’t really want to report it because everything will become legal and a lot more complicated. I would have to live with a family member, and I’d have to change schools. Then I’d have to quit orchestra, thus quit symphony, and quit summer camps. Then my future plans for college would be ruined, as I need all of those things to even be considered for a music school.

[Rpan]

“Hey dad, I understand you will get upset, but I have to tell you that my friends often tell me that I smell like smoke. It really makes me sad when they tell me this. I really like to smell pretty and I can’t with all the smoke in the house. Please don’t be angry. It makes me sad to live in a smelly house, the cats are messy can you help me with them. I really appreciate what you do dad, can you consider smoking outside. it’s really important to me, “

State your case, this is not unreasonable.