Hi. I'm MoreThanFun and I'm a young woman who has suffered from major depression with seasonal and anhedonic features. I have not been at risk very often in life and every time I hold myself to the hard line that I cannot be responsible for hurting my loved ones in such an irreparable way. Sometimes, I get anxiety that only used to be relieved by hydroxyzine. That doesn't work anymore, nor does gabapentin and until they put me on ativan a few days ago, I felt the need to cut my way out. That always worked. I feel like I'm fighting to keep a leak at a chemical plant under control... in my head. All the time. Right now, I'm just telling myself to breathe. Breathe.