I DON'T WANT TO GET OUT OF BED

[Fortynfedup]

I am trying to cope with depression and anxiety while trying to support my 15 yr old daughter who has depression and anxiety also. My son who is eight is also being bullied on way home from school. Every time I'm on top of things my daughter or son is not. Recently I have stopped being able to cope with it all. My husband is trying to do all he can but I just want to stay in bed. Sleeping away my days off work. Arguing with myself inside my head about all the things I should be doing. I can not find the energy to wash or dress so it is so hard to tidy the house or support my children. I have done all I can up to now but seemed to have crashed. I know how to go on this way. Please help.

[Hidden]

Hi..Just want to say I'm here and listening..First thing that came to mind after reading your post was to tell you to just get up and and have that shower or get dressed or whatever to get back on top of things..I know it's a struggle but just do it..be strong..stop arguing with your head rather acknowledge it's the illness making you feel like this because you know you should be doing things..so don't let it clog your head with negativity ..make some space by detaching the thoughts in your mind and tell them that if you want to linger around in my head be my guest but im just going to ignore you and put you aside cause ive got things to do..then go do something..be strong..you can do it..look after yourself..I'm just trying to help..

[Fortynfedup in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for replying. Your right and it is just what I needed to hear. They are all at school now but it breaks my heart when they are in such pain and I have to force them to do the things I can t always do. My son was looking for a toy to take to school today that he could use to make his bully like him. My daughter and I argued over why going to scho would make her feel better than staying home. By the time they are out to school I'm so down. I'l get up now and try to gather myself together. Thank again x

[fretless in reply to Hidden]

this makes so much sense and helped me as well

[Struggling777]

Such good advice — how I wish this site was around when I first had anxiety and depression years ago. I’m thinking age 40 perhaps menopause ? might be part of it? Is it worth checking that with the doctor? I hope your children are having ok days at school today — it’s tough when you can empathise so much with them but have to push them out of their comfort zone. I think you are doing the right thing.

[Fortynfedup in reply to Struggling777]

I think menopause could definitely be a factor. I was told years ago that hormones have a huge effect on depression.

I am such a fraud making my kids face things I struggle with myself. The kids have had a good day and after telling my husband how bad I was feeling he has helped with everything today and sent me back for an hour before kids got home from school so I had energy to cope with them.

It's funny when all my children are home and the doors are locked I feel fine, almost normal x

[Agora1 in reply to Fortynfedup]

That's interesting Fortynfedup....The "mother hen syndrome" just made that up. In that you feel better knowing your little chickadees are safe at home. You have control in making sure no one harms them. You are there to love and nurture them as every good mother does. I don't think its hormones or menopause causing your depression as much as it is hurting for your children's issues. A doctor's visit is never out of reason when you feel you can't cope with life. Even if it's short lived until the children are home from school. Your doctor may suggest talking with a therapist as well as having a blood test done checking out hormones. Take care xx

[Fortynfedup in reply to Agora1]

I do think I'm needing councelling. I don't have any friends to talk to and talking really helps but it is such a long waiting list. It's difficult for me to trust my own instinks when it comes to deciding whether I'm over reacting or not as I tend to over think everything and imagine ever possible outcome. It is all very tiring. Tomorrow I will get up and get an appointment for the doctor. It can't hurt. Thank you for taking the time to message me. Everyone has helped so much x

[Agora1 in reply to Fortynfedup]

I agree with every thing you said. Good Luck with getting a doctor's appointment. We are always here for each other when you need someone to care and listen. xx

[Hidden]

How are you..

[Fortynfedup in reply to Hidden]

I am not really sure. My daughter told her psychologist that she is suicidal. Quite a blow when I'm already down,but I'm getting up and dressed and going through the motions. X

[Fortynfedup in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for asking. I was completely tramatised yesterday, feeling a bit NUMB today. Xx

[Struggling777]

I hope it might be a better day today as it's the weekend. I hope you can have less worries with your little ones around you. 🙏

[Fortynfedup in reply to Struggling777]

It has been a good day and I have a doctors appointment for Monday morning so hopefully I will get back on track. Xx

[Struggling777 in reply to Fortynfedup]

That's brilliant to hear 🤗

[Hidden]

First I want to let you know that you are not alone which I'm sure you are aware of but it does help to know you are not alone in the way you feel and react. I too have been having a difficult time with doing anything that takes thought or action. It feels like my mind is whirling yet full of nothing and no motivation or energy at all. Just today I was going to take nap because I can't deal with the many chores and issues I have going on. So I sleep to take up some of that time but I'm not tired.

I couldn't sleep so I knew if I got up and made myself get dressed and even if that's all I can do for now, it's something. It's a step. I do feel better but not normal. I don't have kids to worry about but I can imagine what it must be like. It sounds like you are overwhelmed and don't know what to do or how to do it. I believe in the old saying, "you need to take care of yourself before you can anyone else". And to take care of you may seem impossible with worrying about your 2 kids. Have you tried sitting down with them both and talking about the way you feel and that you want to be there for them but need to get yourself together first.? Maybe then..they may take on the same adage. This would be a positive thing for all of you.

It's ok to feel like you do. Don't punish yourself or feel guilty because I'm sure almost every mother has gone through this. Go with the feelings while trying to figure out what could be your first productive move and maybe start with that one thing. If you try and deal with them all, you may end up back in bed. I know it sounds easier than it really is for you but I have found I can only deal with one at a time and I might ask the other person who's needing me to try and understand and give me the time.

I have a older sister who utilizes yoga and breathing along with the most important tool of "now". She will get her mind to where she can see only what is in front of her at the time and deal with that because whatever is behind, in front or aside is there for now. What is in front of her is what needs met first. If that makes any sense. Sometimes I will put my hands along side my face to remind me to go forward and with what is taking place "now". Because "now" is all that there is right now.

[Fortynfedup in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry I didn't see your message at the time. Thank you for your wise words and suggestions. Hope you are well

[Ketzel]

You are highly functional when it comes to your illness. You've done a lot while feeling your worst. Going to work, taking care of the kids, the house, the husband... No wonder you are overwhelmed. I always wanted a family, but I'm single and live with my 90 year old mother. Believe it or not, I am envious that you don't have to go through all this pain alone. Your children understand it, you get it. Too bad you can't make a schedule so everybody can have a day "off" while the rest can be supportive. I'm joking of course, but there might be strategies you all come up with for how to know what the needs are for the day. Sally is feeling anti-social and wants to be left alone. Timmy feels pretty good today and can be a shoulder to cry on for Sally. Does this make any sense? I just wish I had family that loves me like children or a husband.

[Fortynfedup in reply to Ketzel]

There are times when I look at the women around me that do not have partners or children and I envy them. It seems so peaceful from an onlookers point of view, the freedom, no guilt, spending your money on things for yourself instead of everyone else. In truth, it's just an illusion. The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side for either of us. To people on the outsiders of our lives, we both probably look like we are happy and have it all. Maybe no-one has it all. I am doing much better now. My daughter has been diagnosed with Emotional Instability and Personality disorder which is manageable now we know what's wrong. My son is com8ng to terms with his Type 1 Diabetes making it easier day to day. I am blessed with many things and I am grateful for my friends, family and work, hhowever, I've had to come to terms with the fact that my depression probably will never leave me and that some things will be more difficult for me. Forgiving myself for being human and having needs of my own that need met has been a real hurdle but for now I'm managing to spot the signs and take small steps to keep myself from slipping too far. Thank you for sending this message it was so nice of you to think of me