Feeling a Little Helpless: Anxiety and... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
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Feeling a Little Helpless

PH92
PH92

Anxiety and depression have always been a struggle for me. I remember first wishing I would die at the age of 7. I would lie in bed and hold my breath until my body forced me to breathe. For a long time, I was able to help myself. It was in 2015 when I first sought medical help. I started seeing a therapist/psychiatrist. Since then I have seen someone (on and off) on a regular basis. Lately, I feel like I can't catch my breath. I can't get a grasp on my life. I can't control my emotions. I can't do anything quite right. It's as if this darkness that covers my life is getting darker and heavier every single day and nothing I try to do to stop it helps. I have thought about suicide in depth but I know that I would never make an attempt - so there is no need for worry. I just feel as though dying is the only way I will get any relief. It is the only way I can stop messing up everything. Why am I like this? Why can't I have a brain like every "normal" person? I get so stuck on some things and they play on repeat in my mind incessantly and do not stop. How could anyone possibly want to deal with someone so broken; somebody so shitty? I feel like anyone that knows about my struggles just feels obligated to stay in my life - like if they go, they will be the reason for my inevitable decline. I feel as though everyone in my life feels obligated to fix me. I cannot be fixed. I have tried, trust me, I have done everything in my power to make myself better. Nothing works. I know "I am not the only one out there that feels this way," and "things get better," and every other cliche thing that people say to someone that is depressed. This time it just feels like I cannot pull myself out of this hole. I cannot help myself - my doctors cannot help me - medication cannot help me. What am I supposed to do? What things have helped you get out of this situation?

11 Replies
oldestnewest
Hidden
Hidden

Did something happen to you when you were very young, something that you can't quite remember but I the cause of all of this?

PH92
PH92
in reply to Hidden

No. I have tried to unpack everything and there is nothing there. I grew up poor, but never anything traumatizing. It's something incredibly frustrating to me.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to PH92

Do you ever feel happy?

PH92
PH92
in reply to Hidden

I am not really sure. As silly as that sounds...

Stilltrying_
Stilltrying_
in reply to PH92

I am in a similar state but a lot older than you. I did not start feeling like this as a child but have had problems since a teenager. I find life excruciatingly difficult. Just wanted to welcome you to the forum and hope we can all help each other. It does seem unusual that you felt so bad at so young an age for no reason but maybe there is a reason you just can't think of???

PH92
PH92
in reply to Stilltrying_

My childhood wasn't one that is "normal." I had to grow up really quickly. My parents were young and irresponsible. I was more-or-less raised by my grandma. My dad drank too much and my mom had other priorities. I escaped my home-life by focusing on school. I was never abused or neglected, I just never really had a "childhood."

Stilltrying_
Stilltrying_
in reply to PH92

That sounds hard enough. We all need good parents in order to mature properly. That is basically what is the matter with me probably. The mental health profession and many friends are just tired of me being in this down state and I find it hard to find any reason to believe that anything can improve in my life.

PH92
PH92
in reply to Stilltrying_

I don't want to say that I had bad parents. They were just immature. They are good parents now. I just struggled in my early years with them. I had a grandma during that time to fill the "parent" role as best she could.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to PH92

It doesn't sound silly at all.. there must be a reason for it all..

I hope being on here helps you.

Hidden
Hidden

You need to try to start small. Just try one thing that may help you like changing your diet, exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, something. Do it day after day and make it a habit. My self confidence is also almost no existant no matter what I do, but there is a reason you are feeling so down and you need to figure that out. I read, read, and read some more. I watch YouTube videos as well. Some do not aply to me at all, but I have learned some great ideas and ways to help myself. Everyday is a struggle, but we are all fighters, that's why we are here.

Don't give up. I am in my 50's and have also struggled my entire life. Several years ago I attempted suicide even though I swore to myself I never would. That was a turning point for me. I finally got the type of help I needed. I still struggle but if I feel like I'm backsliding I am more prepared. Talk to your friends and family, your doctor, your therapist. Don't hold back. You will be suprised by the support you get.

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