why is it so hard to talk about our feelings?

[Lovely2024]

I feel so lonely, and nothing helps, not even my faith in God. I got divorced one year ago after almost 30 years of marriage. My ex-husband had abandoned me long before we divorced. I lived neglected, ignored and unloved for so long. I waited for 7 years for him to come around , he never did. I have lived with my son and daughter during those years, both are single adults. Today my son told me how unfair it was that he had to take care of my daughter and me and couldn’t live his life. It’s been difficult for the three of us, and especially for him since he’s been taking care of us in so many ways. I don’t have a degree, but I do all I can to cooperate with the expenses, because I cannot afford to have my own place. The area where we live is expensive. He can afford it but we can’t. Today they both got out of town. They didn’t want me to go with them even though they know I dislike so much to be alone. I sat in the couch all day feeling like a burden, sad, worried about the future, feeling abandoned by them for whom I would give everything. I just feel like a nuisance, and insignificant piece of garbage they push aside when they don’t want it close. It seems like a recurrent pattern in my life. Today it would’ve been the perfect day to die and stop feeling unloved and insignificant. And yet, my life will still be the same tomorrow and I will wake up to a life of fear, worry and uncertainty, unable to change my circumstances and without peace. Today I wanted to walk away and never come back, but I didn’t have other option. I have nowhere else to go. I know he loves us, it just hurts too much to know I’m ruining his life. I have no one else to talk to, and I feel so unbelievably sad

[Bootscat]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any advice, I saw earlier that some one had written, every storm runs out of rain eventually and I hope that is true for you.

Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is keep on going in the face of an uncertain future. I wish you all the best and I and the rest of us on here are always willing to talk

[Lovely2024 in reply to Bootscat]

Thank you for your kinds words. I wish you the best as well

[blackcat64013]

Hi Lovely2024,I am sorry your mood has fallen so far.

I want to send you a 🫂 from Australia.

I wonder if you have sought

1. counselling for your mental health

2. legal advice about family support from your husband

3. advice from a government agency to help you move, taking into account your circumstances?

These things are important but hard to do if struggling mood wise.

If you unhappy staying with 👪 family, perhaps you could look for an organisation that provides affordable community housing services.

If you feel comfortable telling us the place you live in, a forum member might be able to assist with local ideas to support the move or receive assistance.

💜 🐈‍⬛

[Lovely2024 in reply to blackcat64013]

Thanks, yes I talk with a therapist every week and I was doing fine, but I guess some things trigger the feeling of abandonment and lack of love in my life and it feels overwhelming. I know my son didn’t try to hurt me, but it hurts to feel I am in the way of my children’s life, especially when they count on me unconditionally. I receive support from my ex, but it’s not nearly enough to afford a place. Besides, my job is seasonal, sometimes I make enough money, sometimes I don’t. I live in the US, in California. I teach students my native language (Spanish) which is taught in schools here, but I have just a handful of them and it’s hard to get more since it’s an elective. I don’t think I’m elegible for help with housing, since people have to make even less than me (which is considered below poverty level) to get help from the government with housing. I’ve struggled all of my life with feelings of loneliness and feeling unloved and unwanted and sometimes it feels unbearable. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I desperately needed to talk to someone. God bless you

[Starrlight in reply to Lovely2024]

That statement from your son would have hurt for me too. I’m so tired of us trying our best but then still not feeling good enough.

How is therapy going? Abandonment and feelings of lack of love- is this something you want to talk to him/her about?

[Lovely2024 in reply to Starrlight]

I’m sorry you feel that way as well. I’m starting to feel that time is coming when I will be considered unnecessary, unimportant and like you said, not enough. I’ve talked with my therapist about those feelings and she’s been trying to help me, but it’s been my whole life like this. My parents were good parents, they just didn’t know how to make me feel loved, then I got married and he made me feel unattractive, unloved, unimportant and finally he just abandoned me and my children like a piece of garbage you put in the trash. It is so hard for me to feel my life matters at all to anyone, but I’ll keep trying. Thanks a lot. It means a lot to me that someone cares, takes the time to listen to me and understand how I feel

[Starrlight in reply to Lovely2024]

You are important and loved. 🥰 I’m so sorry you were treated that way. It’s a trauma. But now even though you are safe it still needs to be healed and you are trying and you are doing it! Stay strong, keep moving forward.

❤️⭐️

[Lovely2024 in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks you so much! I will. God bless you ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Lovely2024]

God bless you, Lovely 🥰

[Arymretep]

Hi, life is so cruel sometimes isn’t it, you don’t say where you are, but maybe you can get help in getting a place of your own , in the U.K. we have social housing , also have you had any therapy to help you cope , in making friends and a life of your own , maybe have a chat with your GP, good luck

[Lovely2024 in reply to Arymretep]

Thanks for your reply, yes I’m having therapy almost every week, and it’s helping me but there are times when nothing helps. I’ve tried to make friends at church but haven’t had any success. Women at church seem to feel threatened by me since I am divorced and they make very clear I’m not welcome in their circle. It’s painful and makes it more difficult for me to try to make friends again. My husband and kids where my whole life and never thought some day I would need anything or anyone else. I know I need to make a life of my own but I don’t know how to make that happen since I’m anxious and afraid all the time, beside the challenge of having enough money to afford it. I live in the US, but getting help with housing requires me to make even less money than I make right now. I don’t think I am eligible to get help with housing. My son is pushing me aside, and understandably so after all this time, but I’m so afraid of living on my own. It feels that apart from them my life would have no meaning and no purpose. Thanks for your kind words.

[hypercat54]

Oh dear you are in a very difficult position. I understand where you are coming from but also where your son is too. He might want to get married one day, start a family etc. of his own.

Is your daughter working as you don't mention anything about her? What is her situation?

Are you able to pick up any more work even if its not in your field?

As for the church people, sometimes you get a clique like that but they can't all be surely? Maybe too after years of just living with your family you have got a bit out of practise in making friends?

It would be worth working on this angle with your therapist. Maybe you come over as a bit needy or clingy etc? Not blaming you or anything but social skills can get very rusty if not used much.

I hope you find some way out of your situation.

[Lovely2024 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for your reply. My daughter is also working and both help with the expenses. I’ve tried to find other works I can do but haven’t been able to find them. Sometimes I meet some qualifications, but since I don’t have a degree it’s difficult. I’ll keep looking. As for friendship, I don’t think the people I wanted to befriend even gave me any chance, not even enough to find out what kind of person I am, but yes, I need much practice in this area. Yes, I am a “needy” person but not in that sense. I need love and friendship, loyalty and sincerity like everybody else, all of those things I try to give to others but seldom receive them back. I feel incredibly lonely, because I am, and because people has hurt me so many times that it’s difficult for me to trust and to connect with others. Thanks for your good wishes

[Mohammad-341]

I feel bad about you i think ur son should not think her sister as burden. Bcos despite all odds u brought him up .now it was unfair that he left u alone but the time has changed. New generation doesn't think like us they only think about their own self

[Lovely2024 in reply to Mohammad-341]

Thanks for your kind words. I was probably depressed and anxious and didn’t notice it until I was in the middle of the crisis. My therapist thinks it was some kind of panic attack. I’m learning to be okay by myself, because it’s the healthiest thing to do. I know my children didn’t mean anything bad, and they also love each other deeply. I guess my son was feeling overwhelmed that day. He’s usually very kind and patient with us and always tries to protect us. But like you said, they’re different than us in many respects and I definitely need to adapt and grow as a person and as a mother. I also need to learn to trust God more, because I know He loves me and wants what is best for me. Thanks again!