Need some help

[Shutterbug65]

Hi everyone. I’m constantly worried about my future. I wake in the morning with horrible anxiety, many times I can’t get back to sleep. My mind always worries about every little thing that can possibly go wrong. I live alone and other than people at work I have no friends. I never been married or have any children. Throughout the years I lost touch with most of the people in my life, even family members. I always had bad anxiety being around people, believing that I’m being judged negatively and this has caused me to push them away. Avoidance has played a big roll in my life. I’ve allowed anxiety and depression to control my thoughts and actions. My girlfriend Kathy passed away over seven years ago and since then I’ve become more isolated. I miss her so very much, she too suffered from depression so we supported each other.

I have thoughts of suicide if my life continues this way. I’m on meds, Xanax and Celexa. And I just started seeing a therapist.

Please can somebody help or is anyone going through something similar?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[Sprinkle1]

Hello Glad you wrote to us, sounds like you are suffering badly. One good thing you say you have a therapist - if you like /him/her keep going, they can help untie knots in your brain. Glad you are on meds, hope they are the right ones Worry is a total waste of time, I do not worry about anything, thru therapy I learnt to give it up. I'll tell you 3 steps try them: do not go mountain climbing over mole hills : worry is like a rocking chair, it is in motion - but it is not going anywhere. and my favorite : 50 % of the things we worry about Never happen, and the other 50% IF they happen - we deal with them when they happen - So Why Worry.?!! Try it it really works. As you get stronger you will feel like socializing and may meet a new lady. Or at least make some friends. Join a support group, I love mine. Right now I am in a mess, battling depression/anxiety, have been invited to a Thanksgiving Dinner with people I do not know, I am going to go even though I am scared. I need friends, I hate being lonely. Stay in touch with us, write your thoughts and feelings, we will try to help you. Agora1 is very knowledgeable I will help all I can. Sending you strength, love & peace. Springkle 1.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Hey thank you about the worrying bit. It definetly makes a lot of sense. I worry about everything that could go wrong. Catastrophic thinking it’s called. Like you I’ve been invited out to a Thanksgiving dinner, my cousins in laws, most of people there I won’t know. It’s just an awkward feeling, I get nervous at these things I feel like I’m being judged. I’ll make sure I’ll take my Xanax beforehand. I feel so alone even around other people.

Thank you for your insight and advice. I need to stop these negative thoughts especially in the morning when they’re most intense.

[Aspergirl47]

Hey, Sounds a lot like myself..Social anxiety is a problem by the sound of things..Ive been like that since I was 14yrs old...started off with slight blushing if anyone spoke to me and today it leaves me isolated, apart from having my son around...if I manage to leave the house I feel everyone is looking at me and thinking negatively about me, which then makes me panicky..I understand how u feel the sad part is no one is really bothered their too busy with their own lives, whilst we let our negative thoughts play havoc with our own and we end up isolated and alone...Avoidance is a major problem for me too and we might feel better at the time but in the long run doesn't help us..Sorry to hear about your partner, I can understand u must feel lost without her and the support she gave to u....know u are not alone in how u feel..

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Aspergirl47]

Thank you so much for your reply I’m very sorry it took this long to reply back. I’m not doing all that well and I just want to give up. I’m scared of the future and what it holds for me. I’m so alone, I’ve pushed so many people away. Yes I definitely have social anxiety, had it for as long as I can remember. But now that I’m alone I see what my behavior towards others has done to me. There lives have moved on and I’ve gone nowhere. I always avoided social situations as much as I could. So much of what you said in describing your own feelings is exactly how I feel. Thank you again for your caring reply. I hope that since you wrote to me you have gotten better.

[reinagrace]

Hi Shutterbug65 loneliness definitely makes everything worse though i understand how even among people, one can feel more alone, an outsider . i think someone mentioned support groups- that might give you more of a sense of belonging since others there are suffering the same issues. it's a good way to meet new friends also. NAMI- National Alliance for Mental illness- on their website should have listing of depression and other mental illness support groups in your area and when/where they meet. Also checking meds is a good idea, make sure what you're on, doesn't make you worse. My loneliness also fluctuates, sometimes it's to the point i get panic attacks as i can't bear living alone all these years, dinner alone every night, many holidays alone and yes in those times i worry constantly about my future, obsessively fearing that i will become a homeless old bag lady one day.What will happen if i get sick, crippled, who will take care of me when i have no family and i never really did, etc etc. These fears and panic attacks put me in hospital last year. At the moment, i am more functional, and i credit my faith as a big part of that. I couldn't leave that out-- i do take my pain to Jesus in prayer and attend Mass regularly and this does ease the suffering. i also fluctuate thru the years, with my multiple issues-- sometimes it's the depression that's worse, sometimes the anxiety is worse- now my insomnia seems to be the main thing that keeps me non-functional. I'm not doing anything thanksgiving bc everyone around here (Dallas ) does theirs too early for me- like 1 or 2 p.m.- and so i'm just staying home alone though a couple friends invited me. i can't commit to anything before 4 p.m. or i get too stressed and all the more don't sleep the night before. So i surely relate to all sleep issues- i also wake up too early and have both kinds of insomnia- it's hard to fall asleep, and it's hard to stay asleep; i wake up sometimes every hour, some nights after just 2 hours sleep can't go back to sleep. This just makes depression worse, so many times i avoid doing social things bc the pressure of having to be somewhere at a certain time makes sleep worse. (i'm on disability bc i can't work in my condition) . well sorry i'm rambling, just trying to relate to you, so you don't feel alone. i hope you feel better, I daily pray for everyone here, i pray that all have a Happy Thanksgiving whatever you all are doing. Blessings

[Shutterbug65 in reply to reinagrace]

Thank you so much for your reply. So many things you touched on I can personally relate to. With thanksgiving coming up I start getting anxious days before. What will people think, will I be judged negatively etc. I hate eating with large groups of people too. I used to avoid these things, I always had plenty of excuses. But I’ll go none the less, it’s at my cousins in laws house, most of the people I won’t even know.

My anxiety is always much worse when I wake up in the morning. Like you I suffer from sleep problems, I take doxipin to help me get to sleep and stay asleep. Before I was waking up at 3:00 or 4:00 am in complete panic mode. It was awful going to work. I really don’t understand why I’m like this, I always been kind of anxious. But I guess the years of anxiety lead to my depression and sense of isolation.

I’m writing this at night and I feel good. I’m always better in the evening. Like you I dread doing anything in the morning or early afternoon. At least getting ready for work gives me something to focus on. The weekends are worse, I wake up anxious. I pace around the house unable to focus on anything. Even if I go to bed feeling fine I know I will wake up with my mind racing with negative thoughts.

Oh well I’m rambling it’s so good to hear from someone who understands completely. One thing about this illness is that it makes one. feeel totally alone.

Thank you.

[HigherLearning]

I’ve experienced this off and on most my life, and especially in the last fee years. I’ve been impacted the same by having a very small social circle, family dysfunction due to my assumptions that they have negative perceptions of me- all paranoia and anxiety. My depression creates hostility and leads me to isolate myself to prevent displaced arguments. It’s been my goal over the last few months to overcome this. Joining this site has been helpful, for example, reading posts such as yours that are so similar to what I experience. I’m also trying to remember that anxiety is fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear... And while I’m in constant fear, I’m missing out on the moments that count- the now. So the theme for me tomorrow, as a matter of fact, is to make an intentional effort to live in each moment and think very little about the “what ifs” and the future. This is easier said than done, i know, especially in the middle of the night when you’re awakened by uncontrollable thoughts. But, it’s worth giving it a shot and so I’ll try

[SA192461]

OMG! Shutterbug65..I take the same things you do and I also see a therapist. My reg Dr, told me to take my xanax during the day, because I need it, all I do is shake and cry otherwise. My husband, who I still love, wants a divorce and says he doesn't love me anymore..we've been together 30 years. I'm so paralyzed most of the time. Very hard to get this out. I'm so sorry you're alone too. I have 3 grown children with there own families and they love me but they are so far away and I'm terrified of being alone...God help us

[Hidden]

Hello friend,

It's really sad too read what your feeling, it's great you work and have a routine. Remember Kathy wouldn't want to you to be sad, be strong for her. Goodnight Godbless X