Help me

Hi all. Having a very bad moment. I’ve been out running errands all morning and just out of nowhere I feel I’m having a full blown panic/anxiety attack. Literally driving down the road and had to pull over to cry. I feel like such an idiot and I’m sure people think I’m crazy. I have to get myself together before I get back home to my kids and I just don’t know how right now. Nothing I can think of triggered this. I just think the overall thoughts about life I’m dealing with and my marriage or ending of my 17 year marriage rather is killing me. I don’t know how to get through this anymore. I’m just overwhelmed and sad all the time. Being separated and not sure how things will end is so sad. I’ve been with my husband since 19 years old and have known him since I was 10. It’s my whole life wrapped into one person who has broken my heart. I’m just so lost. Any encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[Jrick34]

Breathe with me.....and know that you're gonna be okay. The ending of a marriage is never easy nor equal but your life will go on. 19 years is a long time so will it take some time to fully heal but Iam certain you'll get through this. You may feel lost but God always has a bigger and better plan for you that you might not understand. The battle is will come with tough days but I know you will come out on top. Take care and Iam here always here...

[Hidden in reply to Jrick34]

Thank you so much Jrick. Although sometimes even breathing is a strain. It’s just like I can’t catch a break with my emotions. I do have faith that God will take care of me. Just sometimes I feel so lost and alone during this process. Everyone around me is happy and in love most times and I just feel like my life should be more than the pain I feel. I don’t deserve to feel this way. I’ve been a good wife and mother and I feel I’m just getting the crappy end of it all. I never realized how completely engulfed in my husband I was until now I’m forced to do this on my own. It’s hard when you’re losing the one who was suppose to be your one. I really appreciate your kind words. You’re really a God send.

[Jrick34 in reply to Hidden]

Iam so sorry.....Its like we always get the raw end of the deal due to our anxiety. Nothing seems fair. After we put all of our time, energy and faith into something and it crumbles right before our eyes. To believe that everything you gone through with him means nothing now but a distance memory. Iam here to tell you that NO, you don't deserve to feel this way. You deserve to be happy and live a life where you don't feel sad and want to cry. Certain feelings we have to go through before we actually heal but in doing so you grow through it as well. The Lord isn't done with you.

"There is more that I require of thee...."

[Hidden in reply to Jrick34]

You’re amazing. Thank you Jrick ❤️

[I_Hate_Me_2]

Hi TuscanSky83. I am so sorry to read your post and there’s such sadness in your words.

You certainly are not a idiot and by no means crazy. You’ve a lot going on and dealing with that seems to have become too much and everything seems to have come to boiling point.

I’m sorry things with you and your husband’s marriage is coming to a end. Is there any sort of marriage therapy you both could attend. Knowing him for so many years and to be facing this now is really tough. Breakups are always so hard and lots of emotions all together seem to come to the surface.

You’re in my thoughts. But someone on here as I’ve been in tears lots and she says it’s ok to cry and to talk. Good you posted, reaching out for help and advice x

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Thank you so much for reaching out and your affirmation that I’m not crazy after all. In those moments I feel like I could just drive away from everyone and everything I know and not look back. If I didn’t have kids I probably would.

We tried counseling several times and turns out he was cheating during those times. So I feel we wasted everyone’s time and a lot of money. I’m such a forgiving person and I’ve given so much. I just feel I’m never gonna trust him the same and I’m tired of my heart being broken before it’s even had time to repair. He has a lot of work and things to figure out for himself. I’m just sitting in this lull most days by myself.

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Hidden]

With all of us here to support you. It seems the best hearts do get broken and trampled on and more chances given to those who only hurt you time after time.

Know how you feel about leaving and not looking back but the need to stay for your children. They need their mum/mom.

I’m sorry to read he has been cheating and at any time is bad enough but when you were both in therapy trying to work things out makes things more sad. Know you are more than this and deserve better.

You have to put you and the children first and I know the power of wanting to forgive but some things are too hard only to be hurt again and again.

As you said he has a lot to figure out for himself and would say work on you.

You are worthy of better and to be happy without fear of being hurt yet again.

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Thank you so much. Your words are very comforting. Now I’m crying happy tears-thank you. So glad that I found this amazing group of friends who understand and don’t judge. You’re truly a blessing. And although I’m a mess today, please know that I’m always here as well. ❤️

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Hidden]

I am a newbie as well so we can learn around this site together as we go along.

Glad my words are helping you in some way and now you’re crying happy tears. But getting out your emotions is good. I’m learning that and although I’m bad I am glad my words are helping.

I wanted to say earlier I ran away a few days back and thinking it would help it didn’t. They just followed me. My emotions. My thoughts. It struck me when I read through your post if you did I wouldn’t want you to be in the same place as I am. Running may have helped for a bit and I understand and hear you that’s what you do in the heat of the moment. But you sticking it through shows so much strength and courage. Please focus on you, you are important and your 3 boys.

Here also for you anytime. On wall or in PM.

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

I’m so glad you’re on this journey with me. Your words are very helpful. I’ve noticed sometimes when I’m most messed up I can’t encourage myself but can speak encouragement to others and that’s exactly what you’re doing for me.

Thank you for sharing your recent experience with running away from it all. I’m so sorry you felt you needed to get away like that. That’s a hard place to be in. I’m definitely keeping you in my thoughts and prayers because I understand you’re dealing with a lot too.

My boys are my everything. They keep me semi focused usually. Today was just hard to face even with them. But I’m slowly starting to feel better. Thanks to you and everyone here.

You may just get a pm here and there from me to see how you are as well. I’m still learning my way around the site. Please don’t hesitate to reach out as well. I mean that. Thank you for everything.

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Hidden]

It’s ok TuscanSky83. I just wouldn’t have wanted that for you if you felt the need to run away.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. As I send them to you too.

And it’s ok to have days like that. Hard even knowing you have the boys to look after and not go and run.

Although neither is as easy to do and know a lot of thought go into making either decision.

There is no judging on here and that’s what I like. Had a bad start on here and with some helpful words it does help.

I don’t mind getting PM’s and if you can tonight try and take some time for you to do something that helps you. For me tonight it’s staying in my room and listen to some music. Secluding myself tonight seems to be the one for me to switch off and listen to music.

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Thanks so much. I’m definitely gonna get some needed alone time tonight and relax. I hope you enjoy your evening and night as well. Enjoy your music and quiet space 🙂

[I_Hate_Me_2]

Sounds good. Time to yourself relaxing. Had to turn it off now as it’s almost midnight in London. Just can’t seem to switch off and sleep.

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Hopefully zzzzzz’s will find you soon. Only 5:50pm my time so PM if needed.

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Are you in the states? Hope so as well as have to be up in a few hours. Busy but scary day ahead.

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Yeah I am. Way down in the south. Try and rest. Good luck on your day tomorrow. Let me know how it goes if you feel up to it in tomorrow.

[I_Hate_Me_2]

Thanks. Am going to try and switch off and not fight the sleep tonight. I will let you know TuscanSky83. Hope tomorrow is better for you and always a message away.

[sweetiepye]

Any emotional crisis seems to be an invitation to panic and anxiety. Often they don't show up until days after the upset and so it feels like they've turned up out of nowhere. It's bad enough to have them at all but to have a surprise attack is unfair. I don't have them any more, therapy and working through the anxiety finally worked for me. You really do have to make yourself your priority . I suspect your husband and kids were yours, but now you need to pay attention to yourself. You'll want to be there for your kids and for your new life. All that time and effort spent on a spouse will now be yours. Can you imagine how you will flourish. Let us support you in your new journey . Pam

[Hidden in reply to sweetiepye]

Absolutely Pam. I have to put me first in Ofer to heal. It’s a bit tough when you’re use to being to giver. I’m looking forward to what’s in store after all this clears. It just has to be better. Thank you for all your support. This group has been a life saver for me. So glad you reached out.

[Bella_lee]

Hi @TuscanSky83 you sound like a wonderful, strong and loving person and I pray the future brings you healing, peace, joy and an abundance of love that can be trusted. Sending you much hugs and blessings.

[Hidden in reply to Bella_lee]

Thank you Bella_lee. I really appreciate your thoughts and care ❤️