Anxiety and Depression Support
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I'm so heartbroken

My husband and I have been together will be 3 years in January. September 30th was our one year wedding anniversary. October 27th he told me he wanted a divorce. We moved to Mississippi from Louisiana a couple of months ago and we couldn't be happier. Or so I thought. I've been back in Louisiana for two days and he's still in Mississippi. He doesn't want to talk to me right now. He says he wants a few days apart to see if he wants to work on things. I can not deal with this. It's been a week since I ate, slept, or even smiled. Everytime I close my eyes I picture him with another woman. My heart literally hurts and I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know if I should go back to Mississippi to find him and see if we can work on things or just wait for him. He does not want me back right now so I know if I go find him it will make things worse. I just can't get the thoughts of him with someone else out of my mind. I can't get the thoughts of me without him out my head. I feel like I just want to end my life to stop the thoughts and the pain. My anxiety and depression is through the roof. I've had three real best friends in my life, my mom, my dad and my husband. My dad died in 2000, my mom died in 2011 and now my husband is leaving. I can't deal with this!

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You are not alone. I'm going through the same thing except substitute "job offer loss" with "my husband" from your case. I feel the way you do. I can't get the thoughts of me without this job out my head. I cannot even take a cat nap since the thoughts immediately awake me. I cannot do anything I enjoyed in the past. I cannot even watch TV.

I'm trying to find another opportunity but it is hard to find anything close to what I lost. I didn't see it at the time but the new job would have been my dream job. Not sure why I didn't see it but maybe fear got in the way along with a sensitivity to making changes. Can someone provide any guidance for me? I've been to a number of doctors and counselors but to little avail.

I hate my current job now... things have gone way sour. Things where not so bad when I made the decision. It is a high paying job with excellent benefits and I don't want to give that up but buy man there are reminders every minute of my bad decision at work.

I want to end my life too but I don't want to transfer this pain to my family. Heart, do you have any support people around you?

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I'm sorry to hear you're having problems too. Life isn't easy by any means. I have people around me, but it's hard. They tell me to 'give it time', or just move on. I can't! They all have lives of their own and seeing them with their significant other just depresses me even more

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I've heard some else say the same thing. One guy said he went on a cruise to get away but had a hard time seeing all of the couples.

Mine is agony when I see my boss and know I could have been in his job (but elsewhere).

I constantly living in the past and now I could solve the problem if I knew what I know now. I want to move on but I cannot too!

What can we do to help each other? Are you spiritual?

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I wish I knew what we can do to help each other. I was religious, but when I lost my dad when I was 15 then my mom 11 years later, I lost all beliefs I had. The reason being because I couldn't understand how someone up there could put someone through so much pain and heartache. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone

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One thought:

You will someday be with your parents again and right now they are watching and have great concern for you.

Come back unto Christ and allow him to heal you. He does, can and will open other doors that can help you if you can renew your faith.

I'm not trying to preach here because I'm really going through something very hard and bad my self just like you are and I'm trying very hard to increase my faith so the other doors in the maze we live in would open up.

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Ok, so just an update time. Last night when we talked on the phone. I told him I felt like just ending it all. He said he was going to call the police so they can come check on me. I refused to tell him where I was so he had my phone pinged so the cops can locate me. They did. They brought me to the local hospital to get checked on. The doctor said I was fine to go home. Today, I tried getting out in public. Every single thing reminded me of him and I was miserable. After that, I spent the rest of the day with my in-laws. They are letting me spend the night here. While talking with them, I've come to realize the amount of lies he has told me. For the past 3 years he has told me he was in the air force. He always told me not to bring it up with his parents because it's not easy for them to talk about it. So I never did (I wouldn't have a reason to doubt him being in the military ). I brought it up tonight. Come to find out, his mom, dad and brother all said he was never in the air force. It is now 9:45 pm and he has still never called me today. He was/is an alcoholic when we met and I've helped him change his life around. I do know he's starting to drink again. His parents said they are done with him because they have helped him more times than they can count and if he doesn't want to get the help he needs then there's nothing they can do for him if he can't see he has a problem. It's now 9:50 pm and still no word from him. Deep down, I am okay with the fact that he didn't call. The only thing is, if he's so worried about me, why didn't he call to check on me from last night? And I still have a hard time thinking of him with another woman. BUT, I only cried once today compared to all day. And I am not as upset as I thought I'd be that he hasn't called once.

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Hmm, I hate to feel that the reason he didn't call is because he doesn't care as much as he appeared to. It sounds like he has many issues he needs to resolve inside of himself before he can move forward as a person. I'm so very sorry you're wrapped up in it all. I am at least glad you were able to spend the night with your in-laws, and it opened up to something you thought you knew about him.

I know none of this makes the feelings you have for him disappear. It never does. I know you're in pain and will be for some time. One day at a time, right? Sometimes, one minute at a time.

Know though that you are special and lovely. His doing has nothing to do with you, and all to do with his own issues.

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Well today I ate but it didn't stay down. I just can not get out of my head what he is doing. I'm getting myself sick because I keep thinking who he's with, what they are doing, what he's telling her, if they are doing things me and him used to do.

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I relate to these thoughts all too well. I know how impossible it feels to not think of them, what they're doing, who they're with, are they happy, etc. The pain is devastating and feels like it will never end. Do your best to keep pushing through dear. You CAN do it. I have faith in you and I care about the pain you're experiencing.

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Thank you. It's one thing to hear this from family and friends but it's another to hear it from people you don't know. Hearing it from family and friends is like they HAVE to tell you these things. So, thank you. It hurts to bad because I'm constantly thinking of what he's doing and who he's doing it with. I know that those thoughts will eat me up inside but I can't stop them. I tried getting out of the house. As soon as I was in public I would hear music that we liked and my first thought was, I wonder if he plays her this type of music. That's just an example. I'm not 100% sure there is even another woman, but I can't help to think what if.

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It's no problem!! I hate knowing there's so many others out there that experience the same pain I do. I empathize soo much. I'm glad you understand that those thoughts will consume you, but I know how hard it is to stop them. I know you're doing your best to try to keep moving forward despite the pain. It will take some time for these thoughts to lessen and slowly to come out on the other side and see things without all the emotion. Hugs xx.

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I really wouldn't wish this pain and heartache on my worst enemy. And it hurts even more to know that, in my mind, he doesn't care. I'm not saying he doesn't care, it just feels that way. There's so much running through my head that me over-thinking everything is getting the best of me.

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I try to keep busy but everything I do to stay busy reminds me of us. If I try something new then the first thought is "I bet Jarrod would like this"

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Did he at least tell you WHY he wanted to leave so you could get closure? I am here, and am sorry you are in so much pain.

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I have a question. I don't know for 100% but I do suspect that he left me for another woman. Do you think I should let her know what kind of man she's dealing with? Should I let her know the lies he's telling her? I know she will eventually find out on her own, but the wait is getting to me. I know he's telling her everything she wants to hear so she can give him what he wants. I just don't know if I should contact her and let her know or just be patient? I also know that if I contact her then he will make it sound like I'm crazy or lying. I just don't know what to do.

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Wait a minute- I just saw this about the lies he told- sometimes it takes my eyes a little while to adjust( new eye medication trying) you deserve better!

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Heartbroken, this is what youre losing: a man who has lied to you for years about being in the military. A man who has relapsed into alcoholism. A man who has told so many lies that even his own family wants nothing to do with him.

What kind of life can you have with such a man? Do you imagine yourself fixing him, getting him sober, back into a career, reconciled with his family?

Because it is very, very unlikely any of that will happen. What is likely is that you'll be so busy cleaning up his messes that you will have no life of your own and will grow old and miserable before your time.

It's hard to walk away from even a bad relationship, because usually they aren't bad 100% of the time. I'm sorry for what you're doing through. I know that hearbreak. But I also know trouble when I see it, and honey, he is Trouble. You can do so much better.

Him breaking it off was a lucky day for you. Take some time to recover, then plan a life you will love and find a man who will treat you right.

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The sad part is, when I met him he was so bad off into the alcohol and his family had nothing to do with him when I met him. Once we got together, I DID get him to drop the alcohol, get a job, clean his life up and get reconciled with his family. I was praised daily by him and his family because they said because of me, my husband was finally able to be around his family. So it can and has happened. The day before this all started he was crying to me telling me how much I've changed his life for the better. So it's not impossible, I'm just so disappointed/hurt/brokenhearted about everything

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I have a question. I only tried calling him once today. The only reason I tried to call was because I knew he was at work so he wouldn't answer the phone. My question is, I don't want to seem desperate and keep calling him but I'm also afraid that if he sees I'm not calling I'm scared that he thinks I don't care anymore. I don't know what to do.

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Update again, now I know he's cheating on me and I can't even begin to count the lies I'm catching him in. Now my sadness is turning into anger. A very small part of me wants him back but the rest of me is mad as hell. Everytime I confront him about a lie I'm catching him in he turns the tables and tells me I'm too paranoid. I'm pissed off because he is treating us like just a couple that's dating, not married. Is the anger normal??

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I think your anger is healthy and very normal. Who wouldn't be angry after all those lies.

I encourage you to try Al-Anon. It's a support group for loved ones of alchoholics. They have been where you've been. If you don't like one meeting, try another.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Even if you have just a tiny bit of faith, asking for strength to carry on can work wonders.

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Is that a support group online?

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They have in person meetings and online meetings. Here is a link to their meetings and another one to their general Web site:

al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/

al-anon.org

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Thank you so much

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Also, if you Google Al-Anon and the name of your town, you will come up with many more in-person meetings.

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I hope it helps! Please give it a try and let us know!

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I know exactly how you are feeling. I am going through a similar situation. It also happened around the same time October 31st. I have three kids though which makes things even more difficult for me. I find myself so lost sometimes but just remember to keep moving forward. I do things to take care of myself everyday. Exercise, shower, clothes, makeup. Those things help me to feel better on the inside. One day I know the inside will match the outside. I just have to remember to keep telling myself that.

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I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing. This is horrible. I can't say for 100%, but deep down I know he left me for someone else. His whole family is saying to give him his time that he'll come crawling back. I also know he'll come crawling back because nobody else will put up with his crap. My problem is this waiting. All that keeps playing in my head is what he's doing with the other person, what he's telling her, if they are doing things that we've been doing together. We spent the last 2 1/2 years together, never a night apart and now I feel like my world is just shattered. I know I'll take him back, but I also know things will be different. I also don't care because I love that man with every being of my soul. This is such a horrible feeling to have and again, I'm so sorry you are going through it too.

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I am going through the Samething though I'm not married i cam only imagine the pain you are feeling. Please pray on it life is good and bad . I keep thinking this is a blessing in disguise. Message me anytime

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