honestly my dad is becoming more of a sociopath who has no care for anyone else's feelings and i can't take it, he whines about being a dad a person who supposed to be there for their kids and all he does he whine about that and he spends hours on his phone like its so important. i cant take it anymore. at this point i want to yell a million curse words at him but it would be so disrespectful when he does shit to my mom even my mom's in laws talk shit and he barely cares for us and does everything for his mom and dad. im his daughter and honestly it infuriates me that hes my dad. he always has it out for me like if i screw up he gives me a death stare and he barely talks to me. i don't care anymore, i hate him now he's a dad he's meant to do dad things not be a bachelor. any advice, or you can message me.
advice: honestly my dad is becoming... - Anxiety and Depre...
Sarah how old are you?
Something is blocking your dad from doing the things you’d like him to do. Maybe he never got what he needed as a child and he’s still hoping to get it from his parents. You can’t give what you don’t have. They may be wonderful grandparents but you don’t know about his childhood pain.
Maybe dad can’t talk to because he feels judged by everybody. He sounds kind of shut down to me. Have you tried telling him what you need and how to do it? Have you tried to ask him not to give you that stern face or he’s going to need Botox?
Dad sounds like he’s pulled in lots of directions. We don’t know his state of health either. He may need a friend in the family. Tears are great when talking to your dad. Always works for me and my dad was very disciplined.
im 16 and my grandparents aren't the best and theres nothing about his childhood pain, he used to be happy and more like a dad and he seems to be happy when we're not around or something and he keeps repeating simple things he should be doing and tears make me weak in front of him. he yells at me and says fine fine il do whatever you want just because he wants me to stop. i ask him about his day, he never asks me about mine. so i know he was better and now he doesn't care because i care and ask but he's a man yiu can't change. he's hurt me and mother verbally and i can't handle him:i don't want to forgive him or shit( sorry for the language)
Hello Sarah56. I’m sorry to hear about all of this. Was there something that triggered this or did he suddenly began to display those behaviors?
Sorry to hear about your Dad. Your Dad and my Dad should have their own dysfunctional reality tv show while the rest of us go on holiday or to Disney or something.
This is hard Sarah. Your dad is really going through something. I’m sorry this is making you so unhappy. He may have ‘time’ for his son because he can control that situation better or their personalities mesh better. It’s not because he doesn’t love you. My ex had a breakdown and only spoke to our oldest. It was hard on all the kids. He was very hateful. This is the way depression and anxiety looks in men sometimes. They have to recognize it and be open to help. You can’t change him. That means you’re not even responsible for how angry he makes you. You can only control you. Dads going to get it together eventually. In the meantime live your life and love your day. Keep up your boundary and know he has commotion going on in his life. You are the kid. You don’t need that drama. You can’t fix it for him anyway. Take care of you sweet girl. Dads got a lot going on. 💛
Are you old enough to live on your own? Your dad is also a narcissist, there is No disrespect for someone who behaves like that? Sounds like So Much dysfunction in you're Family, counseling is needed for the Whole family before it becomes Violent?
if I was in your place than I will message him or let him know this that "if he needs his parents that's good but we also need our mom and dad too"
By doing this at least you will have some satisfaction that u tried .
So sorry to hear how tough it has been. You have been given some good advice by others.
Just really hope some of it works for you.
Hi Sarah56, I'm sure it's really hard for you to be in your situation, I feel for you 😟 sometimes when I felt like I needed some help from loved ones and didn't know how to ask and needed their attention, I would write them a letter. I knew I would have the undivided attention I needed and hopefully the help I was asking for. You'll be able to let your dad know how you really feel about what's going on between the two of you. You can let him know how it makes you feel when...this happens, that happens or whatever. I know how hard it is to "not" use curse words, but that would really help to show how mature you've become 😉😏💛 best of luck to you💕
You say he is constantly on his phone, probably the best way to get in touch with him. Send him a message telling him exactly how you feel.
Do you have a therapist? If you do talk to your therapist.
God I know so well what you're talking about… and these death stares... it's like some people can be all that you wish for them to be, just not to You, their own child. I see it a lot, and experienced the same. It's hard to deal with this, but it's good that you are aware. Try to see him as being sometimes a little child himself. And you're his closest so he's gonna take out all the insecurities he's carrying inside on you. It doesn't mean anything about you. If you want or need, anytime, shoot me a private message :))
Regardless of your age, first and foremost you must protect yourself from negative people whether they are family, friends, or co-workers. What worked for me may work for you.
I talked to my family doctor who referred me to local therapist. Therapist taught me coping skills, connected me with support groups and got me into temporary alternative housing. I worked with a headhunter who found me a new employer who trains their workers. I am now a certified, licensed and experienced plumber. I met an attorney who taught me my legal rights. [There are lawyers who do this for free - Pro Bono]. I made new friends. I rent a room locally. I self-school myself using Podcasts, YouTube, Library and classes the local college allows you to monitor for free. I am working toward a GED. I belong to a Meet Up group involved in real estate investing. I am "rich" in having positive supportive friends and coworkers I never had before.
Some family members told me I had "to be there" for my Dad. That anything less was disrespectful. Using the coping skills the Therapist had taught me and the confidence in myself I had gained with my new support system, I was able to tell them NO. And I walked away. Someday I may visit my Dad but with the strength to tell him I will walk out the door the minute he begins to disrespect me or anyone else. And I will walk away.
Please take that one step. Just one step at a time. There is a world of people out there ready and willing to help you. Take a deep breath and that one step. I am confident in you. I believe you can take that one step.