Anxiety from family.

[princesarr]

I followed the advised from my other post. I tried to identify my fears. And the only one that came to my mind was my family. They are my weakness and source of motivation. My dad left, my mom had severe depression and I had two younger brothers at that time. I felt that I was the pillar for my family. I'm now much older and want to do what I want, and do the right for me but my family's issues are my issues. Every little thing either they tell me or they expect me to do. I love them dearly, but every time my mom calls me my heart starts thumping and I feel my chest tightening. I always drop what I'm doing and try to ease the situation.

I try to explain to them what I want, and thinking. But they either tell me I have change or that someone is influence me. They then get mad at me from trying to be myself.

[Chloe2057]

Sound like you have one serious problem YOUR FAMILY! You really seem to be trying to deal with issues left over from younger years but you don’t seem to be getting much back. If we continue to give out without receiving back l think it can bring us down and question our own priorities! There is something to be said “in you can choose your friends but not your family” Some members of family who are finding it really hard to move forward with their lives almost appear to resent others who are doing so. Nothing malicious intended only that they feel a great deal of insecurity seeing someone taking control of their lives and maybe not depending on them so much anymore? A lot of that was and is my experience, don’t know if you recognise any of that going on in yours! YOU ARE doing really well! Keep it up! 😊

[princesarr]

Thank you. For the longest I been feeling this but I can't take it anymore. I need to start doing what is right for me. And although I just discover this website. It has help me even when it just the beginning.

[Chloe2057 in reply to princesarr]

Keep with it! We are all here to support and give advice to each other no matter what! Even always carrying a spare pair knickers for unexpected nervous meltdowns! 💕 Chloe

[Fishmonster]

I have a lot of family issues and it used to bother me for a very long time until one day I just looked in the mirror and I realize that’s the person I need to take care of because that’s the person I have to live with every single day

[princesarr in reply to Fishmonster]

Yes. I feel that same. My family and I are very closed. So they tell me their issues but their is so much I can hold. I need to start taking care of myself before them.

[Hidden]

I have a friend aged mid 40's. She has her own family and children and been independent for many years. 10 years ago she moved 150 miles away from her birth family. I asked her why and she said they all still depended on her to sort out family issues. Her father was controlling and she had to do what he said. When summoned she had to go. He was dominant and controlling.

Now I am not saying move a long way from them but would that be an option? If you can't do this then you are going to have to put some mental distance between yourself and them. They are too used to relying on you and when you don't jump at their beck and call they will learn to rely on themselves more. You could even be doing them a favour. This is going to be hard at first but you need to do it for your own sanity and health. Good luck. x

[princesarr in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I'm planning on moving out but for financial issues -which stress me out at well. I can't really move out at the moment. I do plan to draw the line with every one of them. Probably my mother will be the hardest as she had suffer for severe depression.

[Hidden in reply to princesarr]

Not easy and I wish you luck. x

[princesarr in reply to Hidden]

I know. thank you

[Hidden in reply to princesarr]

If it's any help my friend is very glad she moved! x

[gogogirl in reply to princesarr]

Are you living with them? That makes a huge difference.

[Sash86]

I love my family also but my mom always says what did you learn from that experience and tends to judge. I’m 31 but sometimes I feel like I’m 15. I feel trapped in my job and although others see me happy it’s not always the case. I try to make new friends but they say I make them feel unconphy so idk

[princesarr in reply to Sash86]

Yes my mom is very critical as well special with me as I'm a female and the oldest. At this point everything I tell her, she turn it against me. To the point I don't feel like talking at all.

[Sash86 in reply to princesarr]

Text me if needed 4154127425,

[princesarr in reply to Sash86]

I will saved that number thank you.

[Sash86 in reply to princesarr]

What is yours,

[Sash86 in reply to Sash86]

Hello how is it going? I’m doing ok just had a bit of a set back last night. So I was friends with this girl who I met threw my jobs program and was trying to get in touch with her but she said I made her uncomphy a few months ago by trying to contact her so I asked her if we could maybe chat on the phone once a week and then she told me she didn’t want to be friends anymore. I’m not a big halloween fan either. Just thought I would share. Sasha

[quieturban]

I know the feeling. I've always felt the weight of family issues too and it weight heavily on me and it's all my moms fault she never cared for me she was only interested in her own people and didn't care how it affected me. I've tried so hard to do better but it's hard when you feel like you're alone in this world and have no one to lean on.

[Susan512 in reply to quieturban]

You are not alone, it's million of us having issues, problem, etc. Be good to yourself, I find prayers help and say the rosary it's very calming 🙏💟

[quieturban in reply to Susan512]

Thank you. Prayers sure does help.

[AuntBea]

You were a blessing to help them, but they have turned into vampires. All they are doing is sucking the life out of you.

Relationships work in both directions. If they are not doing their part in maintaining a healthy relationship, you are NOT being mean or selfish to want to take care of yourself.

[Susan512]

You need to do what's best for you and still love your family, you take care of yourself first. GOD bless you and your family, and pray GOD IS ALWAYS HERE FOR US AND HE LOVE US 🙏💟

[princesarr]

Thank you for all the support and advised. I have decided over the weekend that I need to make baby step first with them.

[gogogirl]

Be yourself- I can't tell you what to do but I saw a sign once- be yourself- everyone else is taken.