Our family should be the ones who we get our strength from. But I don't see mine like that. I don't know, maybe because I don't have memories with them or maybe it's our disconnecting.. I say that it all our father's fault, he's always preferred my brothers over us. I'm the youngest in the family ,I don't feel like I belong to them or as a member of a family ,I feel so lonely without any support. My father is an old man he's 80 years old but I have never felt like I have a father or a brother. My father is always treating us badly since I was a child, that really hurt me emotionally all my life. My brothers are married and don't talk to us very much, even before they get married they were busy with work and I don't have memories with neither of them. As I said in a previous post, I'm a silent person most of the time maybe this is who I am but mainly because no one cares to speak to me. Every once in a while my father makes our lives even worse by making troubles out if nothing and to insult us more and more.. I'm just really tired I'm only 22 years old ,I don't know how to deal with all this pressure alone.. I'm really tired I don't have any power to do anything my whole life is empty . I'm just to tired of family problems that held me back without any progress in my life, without support. They had left me with a huge psychological problems and a heart full of tears...
Family pressure.: Our family should be... - Anxiety and Depre...
Family pressure.
I'm sorry to hear that you have had to live like this. Have you tried to write about it? There is a book called "The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path" by Julia Cameron. You read a chapter at a time and write 3 pages of stream of consciousness writing by long-hand (no need to check spelling) for 12 weeks. Amazing things come from this. The more pain you have, the better your writing is. You can end up with books of poetry, or a comedy act or a film script or songs. Performing your work in front of an audience is the best therapy I know because you touch people and help them and realize you are not alone.
I actually love writing and my writing in English is very good considering that it's not my mother tounge. But I don't know how to start, don't know what to do, I have no confidence in myself...
You starting by getting the book, "The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path" by Julia Cameron. You read a chapter at a time and write 3 pages of stream of consciousness writing by long-hand (no need to check spelling) for 12 weeks. You put the pages in a large envelope or use a notebook, like you use for school.. Don't re-read it or check it until the 12 weeks are over. It helps clear your head and increase your writing skills. At first I just made sure I filled up 3 pages and wrote things like, "I don't know what to write so I'll write this over and over again. Then I'd write the lyrics of the song that was playing on the radio which led to thoughts I'd write down, and so on. Each chapter gives you motivation. Try it! If you can't get the book, just write the 3 pages a day.
Thx a lot, I'll try it...
It works. I tried it many years ago, then again after about 5 or 6 year and just started again about 3 weeks ago. Feel better already. Let me know how it works out. Magical things start to happen which appear as coincidences, which are exciting.
I will start it soon, since I have a lot of time and I really wants something to fill my time with. I need something to do and to feel like I have accomplished anything.
Hi Tasneem6,
I feel for you and your pain. I would suggest that you are very lucky. You are only 22 and you are seriously looking at your life and reaching out to try and make it better. It may seem hopeless at the moment but you have made the first step. I wish I had started out at 22 rather than 45.
You seem to have suffered a lot in your life. Really a lot. Fathers are so important to us. We urgently need them to provide us with strength, security, guidance and love. When they don't offer us that it causes tremendous damage. When all they can do is verbally abuse us, as young children we accept their abuse as the truth and that becomes our story.
It can take quite a while to unlearn all those lies and to replace them with the truth. The truth that you are a beautiful person who has the capacity to love and be loved. That is the truth. It may take time to learn to love yourself but you are on the road. Please believe that.
In the absence of a loving father figure there is a desire to keep looking around for someone to be our father. The problem is that no one can really replace one's father. Sometimes a therapist can play that part. However, in the long run we need to learn to be our own father. We learn to be able to speak to ourselves with strength telling ourselves not to fear. Telling ourselves that we can do things even when they seem scary. It doesn't happen over night but it does work.
There are many very good books that help one on this journey. One book I read is called Taming Your Outer Child by Susan Anderson.
Sometimes I think about a child who doesn't have a loving father as a child who is taken to a busy shopping mall by their father and then just abandoned. Can you imagine the fear and anxiety that the child feels when they notice that their father is no longer there. We all have a desire for our father to love us. Each time our father verbally abuses us it is like he is abandoning us all over again in the shopping mall leaving us in fear and terrible loneliness.
Please try and look at yourself with a lot of love and compassion. You didn't ask for this life. It is your fate. But, you can do something about it. You have the tools in your soul. You are strong and you can slowly heal from your trauma. Tell that frightened child inside of you that you love it. That you are here for it and you won't abandon it like your father abandoned you.
Don't give up. You have just started on the path to healing. You can do this. You have a beautiful future ahead of you. Take it one day at a time.
Often it is people who have experienced trauma in their lives that are the most sensitive and loving people. They work through their pain and what emerges makes all the trauma worthwhile. Strange but true.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much, your words really means a lot to me. I need this kind of support in my life. It's never too late, the most important thing is to start as you told me. We're never too old for anything, our soul never gets old just have faith...
Dear Tasneem6,
I echo what another said, you are wise to have such self-awareness at 22.
You’re now the captain of a little ship called Your Life. Your family didn’t prepare you very well. The damage to your boat, and to you, is real. Grieve it, and cut the mooring lines, and go. That doesn’t mean abandoning father and brothers, it just means not expecting much, and accepting that. It’s unfair, it’s a loss, and it’s reality. Grieve it some more, and keep going.
Find some other ships, in better shape, and with captains with a few voyages worth of wisdom. Be choosy. There are also a lot of fools with good ships they inherited and are in the process of ruining. Learn from wise captains how to set and keep a course and ride out storms. Make some repairs to your own ship. It’s fundamentally sound, the Shipbuilder is a master. He is also your true Father, one you can count on. Get to know God. Seek Him for yourself.
Adventure, hard work, interesting ports and people—some will help you once (or try to steal your cargo or take over your boat), others you will join in convoy for many years—crises, joy, and beauty await.
“Ships are safe in harbor, but that is not what ships are for.”
I am so sorry you are facing this. Have you been to counseling to talk over these family issues? It sounds like these family relationship are hurting more than their helping. I'd encourage you to set some firm boundaries with them. You don't have to allow them to make you feel this way. You can chose to walk away from their poor behavior. Sometimes it helps to practice with friends or those close to you. They can help you to find the words to use. There are some great resources out there on how to set boundaries. I'd encourage you to take a look into those, it will help you to take back your life. My thoughts are with you!!
Unfortunately, I can't just walk away I don't have any place to go to or money. I can't leave my mother alone since I'm the only girl with her at the house. Also our community is not that community that you can do whatever you want and no one would say a thing.
Is there a good church in your area that you could get involved in? Many times they have resources and can help you find some peace until you are stable enough to move out on your own. I'd encourage you to check into that. Your in my thoughts!
No there isn't a close one. I'm Muslim, I try to stay committed to prayers and to keep my relationship with God in order to keep going with my life.
Well, I'm not going to hold back, hope you don't mind...your father sounds like a total emotionally abusive narcissistic a-hole. What I have learned in life is that just because people are your family, your blood, does NOT mean that they are good for you. In fact, sadly, there are many families where family members are downright toxic and abusive, and when they refuse to change and continue to hurt you, then you have every right to protect yourself and go no-contact with these people. You did nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with you, and you are a good person. It is these people in your family who have the problem. You deserve happiness and you deserve to surround yourself with people who make you feel loved, valued, appreciated and ACCEPTED. Please learn this NOW, early in life...not late in life as I did. The key to life is cutting out the people who make you feel bad about yourself and giving your time to people who make you feel good about yourself and feel valued and accepted. Don't EVER "chase" after people's approval. If they treat you badly, move right along -- don't try to "win" or seek or beg for their approval. To heck with that! Toxic people think that they can treat their family members ANY way they want! WRONG. Just because they're family, does NOT give them a pass to abuse and act horribly. Cut them out! Anyway, I hope this made some sort of sense and hope this helped in some way.
Thank you. It DID helped and it make a lot of sense . This is how we should live our lives, just move on and cut of every person who deal with us badly..
thx again❤
I'm so glad to hear that helped and you're most welcome! 
Also, I highly recommend that you do a search on Youtube for "narcissistic abuse." VERY eye opening and exposes the mind games these people play to control other people.
I will for sure, I like going deep and deep in psychology and the analyses of the human behaviour.
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